Me and my ex boyfriend had a 2year rocky relationship where we both hurt each other. so we broke up two weeks ago. I called him a few times to see how he was doing and he keeps blaming me for the destruction of our failed relationship. anyway yesterday was his birthday and I completely forgot. (I thought that I wouldnt have to worry about him anymore cause we are broken up) so he calls me just now and yells at me for forgetting his birthday! what do I do? I lied and told him that i got him a gift and I'm going to mail it to him, but I dont understand his actions, he wouldnt speak to me a few days ago. am i that naive?
2006-12-22 01:50:53 · 38 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
He has correctly deduced that you are, in fact, not thinking of him. If you had been, you would know (a) when his birthday is, and (b) that he actually cares about such things. I don't, unless my significant other makes a really big deal about my gifts to her and THEN forgets mine totally. That would hack off even Jesus.
He has incorrectly reacted to this by thinking that yelling at you will make you care about him. He has managed to make you feel guilty, but guilt is a lot easier to dump on someone than a desire to return their affection. Anyone can dump guilt on damned near anything. This is why so many religions are based on guilt, by the way.
Now you have told him that the gift is in the mail, which it isn't, and if it is, it's late, and receiving it will not help things much, unless it's a Porsche Carrera 911.
It would appear that this relationship is based on guilt and lies, and probably the initial surge of lust that begins all human attraction has worn off.
You need to give up on this one, or push the reset button, which will almost certainly involve waiting at least a year.
If you are really, really unusually logical beings, you could sit down and tell one another how you really feel, but I sense that you are not.
So I would suggest that you do one of the following:
(a) give him the Porsche 911 Carrera with the full leather and for God's sake, no damned automatic transmission.
(b) tell him that you think that you should wait a year before seeing one another
(c) try to be logical about something extremely illogical.
2006-12-22 02:04:11 · answer #1 · answered by Richard E 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
For one, stop calling and checking on him. It shows interest and fosters hope. He may be upset with you for calling other times to see how he's doing but not his birthday. Again, interest and hope. This goes both ways because you seem upset he wouldn't speak to you a few days ago. (Interest and hope on you) He probably did not want a gift, but was uspet that you forgot to call this time when you seem to call him a lot from what little I get in your question. You volunteered the gift in your lie to make him think you were thinking of him and enough so even to buy him a gift, go through the trouble to wrap it, pack it and mail it to him. Don't feel sorry for you there. Either tell him you lied or send the gift. Stop leading him on. Also seems you are upset he wouldn't talk to you a few days ago. Again, interest and hope(on your part). Stop trying to get people to feel sorry for you by your exboyfriend yelling at you when you keep some form of the relationship alive. Break all ties and move on or get back together.
2006-12-22 02:11:09 · answer #2 · answered by blwileygp 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would let him know the truth that you didn't get him a gift because you guys broke up. And you don't get gifts from your ex after the break-up..at least not two weeks afterwards. I wonder what his motives are since he blames you for the break-up and then doesn't speak to you for a few days..then expects a gift. He can't have it both ways. Don't be naive, tell him over means over not its over on days he feels like it and you giving HIM gifts is ok even though he acted like a jerk. I think you should move on a be happy. If you really believe the failed relationship is your fault, apologize and tell him goodbye. But don't let him keep beating you up verbally and emotionally for it.
2006-12-22 01:58:14 · answer #3 · answered by omegalibra927 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If the relationship is over & you broke up on bad terms, I don't see why you should feel like it's your responsibility to call him on his birthday. Maybe he called because he still has feelings for you, or maybe he's just pissed at you & wants to make you feel guilty for not calling. Either way, if the relationship is over, stop calling him because that will only keep this thing stringing along. Next time he calls & starts yelling at you, don't get upset about it ... Just tell him that if he wants to talk about things you are willing to talk, but if he wants to yell at you then you are going to hang up. If he keeps yelling then hang up the phone. Maybe he'll get the point.
2006-12-22 02:02:45 · answer #4 · answered by mrauscher74 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Guys are just stupid and rediculous! Maybe he thinks that this is not really a break up because you have had a rocky relationship. Maybe he thinks that everything will work itself out. Who the hell knows what they think sometimes. If you don't want anything to do with him, and you are ready to move on, then do so. You don't have to take his shi t anymore! Don't get him anything for his birthday, if you do that, he'll expect Christmas too. He just wants to milk you for what it's worth.
2006-12-22 01:59:04 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry that he was rude to you. Sounds like that he is still hurting from you two seperating which would be hard to do
after spending two years with someone.
Obviously he was hurt that you didn't call to say 'happy birthday' and he let you know about it.You said that you had been callling him to see how he was, so was he assumed that you would call to say 'happy bday'. It would be hard to stay friends after a break up..but you need to decide what you want....
if you want to stay friends -stay friends. If you don't then cut off all contact with him. Good luck....
2006-12-22 02:01:13 · answer #6 · answered by Edisto 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He is a controller and he wants to control you. Why do people that break up keep going back??? Stay away from him, the next step is physical abuse. Youare better than him and kind hearted, find someone who treats you like a queen, and respects you- he obviously does not. Examine why you would ever want to stay with him - hopefully you see no hope in that relationship and move on. Focus on yourself and heal from this.
2006-12-22 01:55:03 · answer #7 · answered by Northville 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Texting lets you control the tone and establish what kind of conversation you want to have. Learn here https://tr.im/WNph1
This is probably the most important part. With texting, you can stop and think about what you want to say to your ex at each step of the way. Instead of reacting emotionally, you can take your time, figure out the right thing to say (I’ll give you most of it), and be strategic with your ex without saying something that you’ll regret.
2016-04-25 07:33:31 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Call him back and tell him you did not forget his birthday. In fact you don't care if he has any more in the future. Wish him a happy life ask him not to call you and NEVER call him again. This is your fault for calling to "check on him" after you broke up. Go your seperate ways before someone ends up in court or injured.
2006-12-22 01:54:53 · answer #9 · answered by Jack Tax 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
u need to tell him that he does not have any kind of rights on u anymore as u r no longer together..
and if a call from u is so important to him on his b'day..why the hell did he broke up..
if he does not speak to u .. why do u have to speak to him unless u have a desire to get together...
just ignore his calls or when ever he calls - say u r busy..
he will go away eventually and wont bother u
2006-12-22 01:54:44 · answer #10 · answered by Inquistive_man 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋