Why do some women have kids just to dump them in daycare?

Question

Now that I have your attention, I have a legit question. Why do people have children just to dump the child off in school once they turn 5 years old? We have these people making judgements about daycare, yet isn't school the same thing? Kids are in school for about the same amount of time. Just think we they get older and are involved in sports/band/choir/etc. How terrible that these children can't spend every second of everyday with their parents.
(note the sarcasm)

Kimberly, see where Isaid note the sarcasm?//I posted this because Ise daycae-bashing question every day. MY ids aren't in daycare but I know parents who have to put their kids in daycare. I've seen people say on here "Oh, those poor childrne have to be away from mommy 8 hours out of the day." Now remind me how many hours a child is in school? Isn't it 7 or 8. Then when they start with sports and then an after school job when they turn 15 or 16, that's even less time with mommy and daddy. Why don't these same people complain about this even though not sending your kid to school is illegal?

Answer 1

Like Ellie said, thank goodness you were being sarcastic, cause I was very tempted to give you a tongue lashing too! :)

I don't understand why either group, (the SAHM's or the working moms), feel it necessary to insult and put down others for the choice they have made. The comment that people have made, "Why have kids if you are going to have daycares raise the?" is just really rediculous! So basically, without just outright saying it, these people are saying that unless someone is financially able to stay at home with their children and not use a daycare or a private babysitter, then they don't deserve to be a parent. That is very judgemental and just plain hateful. Not every woman has the luxery of falling in love and marrying a man who makes $35-60,000 a year. I married one who only makes about $25,000 and brings home alot less after he pays child support on his children from his ex-wife and insurance premiums on all the kids. I don't think the fact that I didn't marry someone who made alot of money, means that I dont deserve to have children.

What about a woman who is widowed? My best friend was widowed with 2 young children, and had no choice but to work to support her kids. So I guess according to some of these women, she didn't deserve to have the kids, because she ended up having to put them in daycare. Point is, no woman, even these ones that are so freely judgeing working moms, know how their life will turn out and what might happen to them.

I don't know any woman who enjoys dropping her kids off at a daycare in the mornings, I certainly don't. But my husband and I live in an older house, and have had alot of things break, like our hot water heater, pipes, leaking roof. We have not had the money to repair these things outright, so we have had to charge them on a credit card. The motor on my car blew up and it cost over $2,000 to fix it, so again that went on the credit card. I was a SAHM for 18 months, and any unexpected large expense that came up, went on that cerdit card. So, I will be trying to pay all that off for years now. But it was either do that, or go without hot water, or no water, or have no vehicle. Which would have ended up hurting my kids more than me. So I did go back to work, and I do have to take my daughter to a babysitter during the day.

I do not live an extravagant life. I don't go shopping every month, I don't have a Coach purse, we don't have 4 wheelers or motor bikes, we don't go on vacations, we don't eat out every week, I don't buy new clothes for myself on even a monthly basis. If I have an extra money, from working over time or getting a bonus at work, I spend it on my husband or kids, not on myself. I took some extra money I had about 4 years ago, and bought my husband one of those $65.00 do-it-yourself outdoor pond kits, and some cheap 25 cent goldfish to go in it, and helped him make it, for fathers day, and I have had women on here tell me that was an expensive, frivolus expense and that is probably the reason I have to work, cause I am wasting money. I never knew buying my husband a fathers day gift would be considered "wasting money"!

If a mom chooses to work, because she does not want to stay at home at her childrens expense, then I don't think that makes her selfish at all. In fact I think it makes her a loving, wonderful mom. If choosing to stay at home, means that you and your husband have to stretch and skrimp so much with his paycheck, that you find yourself telling your kids "No, you can't have that, we can't afford it." or not taking them out to eat or to the movies occasionally (cause you have to pay the electric bill), not being able to buy them new clothes or toys occasionally (and I don't mean the cheap $2.00 toys at the Dollar Store that fall apart within 3 days) or you just simply have no extra money for "extras", then I do think that the mom staying at home ends up affecting the kids in a not so good way. Sure, they have mommy at home with them all the time, but if they never get the "little extras" that I know most kids would like to have and enjoy, then I think to alot of kids that is not worth it. I have seen stay at home moms, who have to skrimp and save so much that they can't even buy their kid Christmas presents or a Halloween costume. So, how is that fair to the kid?

I realize that not all daycares are great, but their are alot of women who do daycare out of their home. I found a wonderful older lady who watches kids out of her home. She is very inexpensive compaired to daycares, and my daughter learns alot from this woman. At only 2 she was talking as good as a 3 year old, was counting to 20 and could say spanish numbers too. This woman treats my daughter like she is her grandchild, and I never have to worry that she isn't getting wonderful care while I am at work. I don't go out with the girls after work or go shopping when I get off. I immediatly go get my daughter from this woman. I spend every single waking minute away from work with my kids. I do not go out, nor do I ever leave them with a sitter other than the hours I am at work. So I try to make the most of the time I am home with them.

You made a great comparrison, regardless of what others have told you. The moms who think it is better to be a stay at home mom when their kids are young, and who want to judge and insult the moms who use daycare, should homeschool their kids, if they truely feel being at home with them is better.

Answer 2

While I agree with you -- not everyone has the luxury or state of mind to stay at home with their kids -- I do think people should keep daycare to a minimum. There is a difference between a 1 yr old child and a 5 yr old child! So there is definitely a distinction between leaving a baby in daycare 5 days a week, 8 hrs a day and sending a 5 yr old to school where they learn how to interact with teachers and other students.

Babies and toddlers need one-on-one care that many daycares don't provide. Unfortunately, most people have to send their kids to daycare, but I don't think a lot of parents would prefer this situation.

Answer 3

because its against the law to not educate your children, first off. Second of all its good for kids to be social, and homeschooled kids arent close to being social. They are usually the ones with the most problems!!!!!! Next Education is one of the most important thing in a childs life and they deserve to learn and expand their brain. Someone that is qaulified to teach is a much better teacher than you or i could ever be. I am very involved in our 3 boys school. I am the room mother, i meet with the teachers every 2 weeks, i have phone calls if something comes up or their is a problem. We live in a small place and the school is made up of about 160 kids grades K-8. Theres nothing wrong with school. And theres nothing wrong with Daycare. Most people would love to be home with their babies but cannot afford to stay home. Plain and simple.

Answer 4

As a child care teacher, I do agree with you to a certain extent.

I have had children stay at the center from 7am all the way to closing at 6pm. That is 11 hours that is too much for an infant, toddler to even a 12 year old. They become cranky, tired, want their parents, want out of the facility (which sometimes we can't leave if parent doesn't want their child out of the facility on nature walks or the weather is horrible for a week at a time), wants to do things they do at home but not appropriate for facility setting and they also become with behavior issues with attachments to staff with behaviors from other children influence.

I think a few hours a day is a wonderful thing for parents to have time for themselves or work, while children are able to socialize and learn. 3 year olds are not ready to handle a full day's worth, especially when they are new. Half days are wonderful. Full days become too much for the child.

Answer 5

Thank God you were being sarcastic because I was about to give you a tongue lashing!

Even if all mother's did have the financial resources to stay home with their children, is this really what is best for them. Who are we to judge? Though I don't have children yet, I did grow up with a mother who worked and I did go to daycare. I'm not any less well adjusted then children who spent every waking moment with their mothers. I also work with a group of women who are the most dedicated, caring, and loving mothers I know. They may bring their children to day care during the day, but they don't love their children any less then a mother who stays home. And they are showing a good example to their daughters that women can be successful at home and in the career world.

Besides...why do we always villianize the woman for working? Dad could stay home too.

Answer 6

i agree to a point, as a teacher in preschool. I saw some children who brought their children at 6 am and didn't pick them up till 6pm. And yes one parent worked but the other was a stay at home dad because of medical discharge from his job. however hes the one who usually picked up the kids so i knew he was able to care for them. When the wife was off work from he teaching job during holidays and summer, they left those babies in the center still from 6 to 6 because t hey didn't want to be bothered. I think just because a parent can pay for a center doesn't mean they need to over use it. I agree that saying that children should not be in a center is wrong because there is a need to work and a need to socialize so you don't go nuts but i also think there is a point to where taking care of your kids ends and just plain neglect begins. These parents i mentioned they would take the kids home at 6 feed them give them a bath and have them in bed by 8 i think that's sad really i mean they barley know their parents at all and called their teachers mom often.

Answer 7

I don't think you have a valid point there. Children have different needs at 0-5 years than they do from 5-18 years. At 0-5 they need physical contact with a primary care giver. This has been shown to promote emotional development in infants. Denial of this intimacy is associated with relationship problems in later life for some people.
If the daycare workers were allowed to breastfeed and cuddle the infants maybe everyone would be happy....except for women who can't be honest enought to admit that their infants need more than just supervision whilst they go out to work. I know that it's impossible for a lot of people to bring up kids in an ideal way but let's be real about that and not try to put some positive bs spin on daycare for babies.

Answer 8

Wow, you did get my attention with that incredibly insensitive question.

My wife is a full time mom, but, I must confess, my kids go to school. I see it as a value because they are learning social skills, along with key educational items they need to know to be successful in life.

I take this question seriously because I was homeschooled from 2-8 grade, and I saw some kids that literally only spent time with their parents. They had a hard time making friends, and really struggled once they had to go off to college or move out and get a real job. However, some of us that were homeschooled also had friends and a social network, and turned out fine.

I don't think school is the same as daycare at all. School is a designed program to prepare kids for life. Daycare is simply a babysitting service, although good daycares are valuable for parents who have a need to use them.

Answer 9

Maybe you should've been dumped off in school. Your sentences are fragments and not even grammatically correct. However, the first point I want to make is that your question, or at least the way you worded it, is completely ignorant. I don't believe people have children just to "dump the child off in school".
I believe one of the reasons people have children is to have a physical manifestion of the love between themselves and their spouse, as is the case with me and my husband. Another reason is to share the love that you have with an extension of yourself. Going to school is a natural part of most children's lives. For question number two, no, daycare and school are not the same thing. Daycare's primary goal is to babysit your child. However, most daycares now have incorporated some form of curriculum to better prepare children for school. School has a more structured educational criteria with certain basic requirements to continue on to the next level. I'm not quite certain about if you're serious about children spending every second with their parents. I did note your sarcasm. However, if you are serious, you need to get out of the house a little more. Not only does that separation foster social skills in your child, it gives you time to reconnect with your own identity. As a parent, it is very easy to lose yourself in being "so-and-so's mommy" or as a spouse, "so-and-so's wife". Being a military brat and current spouse, I also see a lot of mothers who have lost the father and have no choice but to find a job and find means for their children to be elsewhere while they try to hold things together. Part of me wants to tell you to get off your seemingly pampered *ss and look into the circumstance before you judge. But I'll just end this with have a nice day!

Answer 10

ok..everyone has the right to choose their child's education.For some it's not so easy..as is anything in life.For some you have a great home..great things and get to homeschool your kids..on the other hand you can live in the projects,draw foodstamps and homeschool your kids.Would you rather everyone just stay home and homeschool while the people who work for a living buy their food and hope they have clothes or for God's sake pitch in and stop your cryin.Give those kids some pride and let them know mommy's not always going to be there to bail them out when they stub your toe.There is a difference between neglecting your kids and giving what they need.They need sports and extras..keeps them busy enough where you may actually be the only one influencing them instead of the druggie down the street.

Answer 11

Daycare really depends on the situation of the family. Some parents can't afford to stay home with their kids and have no choice but to send them to daycare. Other parents, however, do just "dump" them off and use the service as a babysitter.

As for school, kids need to learn. Not just with regards to math, english, etc. but social skills. Having to interact with people, other than their parents and siblings, on a daily basis will teach them how to behave and handle different situations.