By the beginning of this year my daughter messed up. She's always been a very good girl, but, I couldn't understand why, she joined a bad crowd and did some wrong stuff. She apologized but got punished anyway, I got very disappointed and it took me some time to trust her again. Much more than the punishment, this hurt her really bad, made her suffer a lot, to an extent I couldn't realize then. Now I think I really exaggerated, she was just an excellente girl that messed up. But she got extremely resentful, could never get over it. We had a wonderful relationship and it was destroyed. She says I didn't act as a mom, I couldn't understand she is human and may make mistakes like anyone else. Well, now it happened to me. I made a mistake, she trusted me and I broke her trust, and it was my fault. I apologized, she just said a cold OK. But in her eyes I could read "you didn't forgive me, a girl, and now you, an adult, do something worse and want my trust". How can I save our relationship?
2006-12-22 01:03:41 · 13 answers · asked by Anabela 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
tell her these importantw ords, "Do as I say, and not as I do". You can follow it up with "Children should be seen and not heard".
2006-12-22 01:06:38 · answer #1 · answered by ~*RaMpAgE*~ 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It's going to take some time, especially because she's a teenage girl. When mom's make a mistake they just have to give the girl some time to herself. She'll realize that things shouldn't be like this in your home and she'll correct things inside. That's her problem, she's not feeling loved enough on the inside (or things she's not being loved), therefore she won't let anyone love her on the outside. Not even her mother, who made a mistake with her actions. Just give her some time to come around, if she was an excellent child, that will shine right through this phase she's going through. Hope everything works out okay...
2006-12-22 10:25:08 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, I don't know what kind of mistakes she made or how you punished her that makes her hate you this much, but I would suggest that you sit down with her and discuss with her how you feel and let her pour out her side of the story. Work out your difference, set up a plan on how you both can be better. Sorry can be a difficult word to say, but if the fault is yours too, it's time you apologize to her too. I wish you lots of luck!
2006-12-22 09:36:28 · answer #3 · answered by Hanna 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your daughter is 15.. she has many years to go before she matures enough to not act like an adolescent (not saying shes a bad kid, you yourself said she is good) She deserved your discipline, and you need not forget that YOU ARE THE PARENT.
I don't know what kind of mistake you made(it must have been pretty bad) but you still need to be a good stern strong yet loving mother and like everything else everythingalways works out....in time
2006-12-22 09:09:01 · answer #4 · answered by jameses 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As parents we all make mistakes. Admit your mistake, also that you didn't handle it well. That you do love her. But you must remember you are the parent Don't give in to a guilt trip. She will get over being hurt. I think you have done a good job with her since losing your trust hurt her that shows she has a conscious. There's nothing wrong with making them think. You have to be diligent with a girl that age. It shows her you care.
2006-12-22 09:11:26 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
We had the same situation with a son, who was angry at his dad. We asked him to make a list of all the wrongs done to him and name them one by one. After each one, even though the accusations were not true, my husband simply said, I am sorry for that, will you please for give me. His response was a verbal, I forgive you for ___. When he said, I can't forgive you, we explained that forgiveness is a choice and the first part to making it a reality is to say the words anyway, the feeling will come later. Know what? IT WORKED! Saying the words, I forgive you is powerful, it is like a release of bad chemicals going out of your system.
2006-12-22 09:10:01 · answer #6 · answered by Northville 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm just a kid, but I do know what she has been through, and probably worse. With my mom. But I won't get into that.
I won't tell you how to treat your daughter, because no one can.
But I will tell you what I want from my moms. Love, thats all, she resents you, because she thinks you have harmed her. Maybe not physically, but the worst pain of all...mentally. Loving her, won't change her back to normal in a matter of days, it hasn't changed me. What you've done is like a scar, it will take time to heal. But in time, what you want...will be givin to you. Just love her...and time will do the rest.
2006-12-22 09:13:02 · answer #7 · answered by crosss1991 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Go to a retreat, or take long trip away from where everything happen, so that you could only spend time with your daughter and fix the mother-daugther relationship.
2006-12-22 09:06:36 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sit her down or take her to lunch and have a long conversation about forgiveness. Let her know of your regrets and love for her.
2006-12-22 09:06:23 · answer #9 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It took her a long time to regain your trust, you will have at least that long to regain hers. It's tough being a parent, and a human too. Hang in, if she is all you say, it will be worth it.
2006-12-22 09:07:44 · answer #10 · answered by Beau R 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sit down and have a heart to heart talk, she may say she don't want to talk about it, but be persistant and definetely talk to her. If there is no communication, there is no relationship, suggest counseling if it is really bad.
2006-12-22 09:08:22 · answer #11 · answered by HappyGoLucky 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋