How do I help my best friend? Before she dies.?

Question

My friend is 28 yrs old she has had a real rough time in life. She has been married 2 times one ended in divorce because of Physical Abuse the other she married a man from Nigeria and I am not sure if he loved her or just used her to get his Green Card. See they married 11/12/05 and he left supposibily to work in NY City 7/13/06 and has only been back 2 days for a visit.
She has been depressed so bad that she has put on alot and I do mean alot of weight. She has also become a diabetic. And not taken care of herself. Now she in in the Hospital in Critical condition and no one seems to know what to do. I don't want her to die but she has given up the wll to live. How do I help her?

Answer 1

Get her happy about life again! this will be a hard thing to do but help her see all the good things in life! once she's out of the hospital and feeling good, have her go to the gym with you, go out to clubs and have fun! Your never too old for clubs. Help her by eating right with her, chase off the loser guys that try and come her way. Tell her she needs to divorce that jerk! i hope all goes well with her, i hate seeing ppl give up on life.

Answer 2

Be there for her, let her know that you are there to help her. Try get her mind off things, take her out someplace and have fun maybe she will meet a new guy ",... And just make sure that if she gets through this, that she doesn't make the same mistake again... Tell her how you feel. Maybe get her to see a psychiatrist as she probably needs to sort out some deep issues

Answer 3

The short answer is you really cannot help her..... unless she wants to be helped.

She had made a series of bad decisions and she is suffering from the consequences of her own decisions. Since you do not control her life, there really isn't anything you can do. She need to be taught how to make wise and reasonable decisions but she need to want to be taught first.

Good, bad, or indifferent, we all have the rights to make our own decisions, do and say what we want. But that also means we also own all the consequences as well.

If you insisit on helping her, ask her what she wants. But executing her wishes, be sure you do not end up bearing the weight of her mistakes.

Answer 4

Despite your best efforts you cannot impose the will to live on another. As tragic as it is her situation is the crux of the issue. Her downward spiral is the result of the choices she has made and unless she chooses to make better choices she can expect the same dismal results she is presently suffering.

"If nothing changes -- nothing will change".

Try to place a positive spin on your friend's attitude. Have that heart-to-heart discussion about what's bugging her ... even though you may have vast insight into the problems at hand.

All you can really do is be there and share ideas.

Answer 5

Are u sure that its cuz if that dude that she is in the hospital? how in the world can u get diabetes complications that fast? may be she was diabetic before and didnt know. Well I meant be by her side, ask her if she needs anything, try to get in touch with the nigerian dude and ask for his help. And of course pray the Lord

Answer 6

keep her happy, take gifts for her, get your other friends to meet her so that she feels wanted, tell the doctors to make her environment more lively and 'happy' so that she has the hope to live.

good luck

Answer 7

lol. you're too busy trying to figure out how to save her to realize that all she ever needed was someone to care. I doubt that there is much that people like you can offer people like her.

She doesn't need you, she needs Magda

Answer 8

Just be there.That is the only thing she needs.

Answer 9

Okay, if she wasn't in critical condition, I'd tell you to slap her in the face and tell her to wake up and get a life. That's what she needs to do. Tell her to stop trying to find men to help her find love or something for her emotional needs. If that Nigeria man doesn't call or come to see her in the hospital, she needs to ditch him. Perhaps he is really busy and can't make it, but he can atleast call her. I'm assuming if he even knows she is in the hospital. Right now, you need to get her through this. Tell her you love her and you are there for her. Tell her that her life is important to you because you need her in your life. She needs to have the will to live and you need to give her a reason for her to get the will to live. Instill that will in her, get in her face and tell her these things. Tell her she is your best friend and the bottom line is, you need her. She needs to hear that she is needed. Tell her to quit throwing a pity party because it won't get her anywhere. Tell her that people care, but she is an adult and they aren't always going to pity her. Tell her she is young and she has the potential for a lot of life left in her. Right now she just needs her spirits built up. Don't talk about negative things such as her husbands. If she wants to talk about her husband, tell her there are other fish in the sea and perhaps for a while she needs to stop dating and wait until she is emotionally healed before she dates. That's if she does ditch this guy. I think this woman is easily taken advantage of because she isn't emotionally strong. She is most likely a sesitive woman. What does she like? Is she an animal lover. Try this, find the cutest fluffiest animal and bring it to her. Tell her that this fluff ball is a gift from you to her and that it is now her responsibility. Now she has another reason to live. Tell her this fluff ball loves her and needs her. If she already has a pet, bring her pet to her and show her that her pets needs her. Basically, she needs to know that she is needed in life. After she gets out of the hospital, you need to be there for her and get rid of negative influences in her life. Move in with her or have her move in with you if possible. Care for her, but don't let her grow a dependancy on you. She needs to know that she has to be the one to care for herself. Get her a professional counselor, if she needs meds than get her some meds. I think it'd be better to stay away from meds if possible though. Exercise with her, you can help yourself stay fit or get in better shape and she can get into shape at the same time. Do something simple like walking or if you can afford it join a gym where both of you can make new friends. The exercise will get her down to a better weight and reduce health issues such as diabetes. It might be too late to cure them now, but it can make things better if she lost weight. This is a lot of info and this won't be easy to you. She needs to loose weight, she'll look better and when the time is right she can find a better man who will love her and actually care for her needs and not his needs. BOTTOM LINE, SHE NEEDS A REASON TO LIVE!!!!! YOU ARE THE REASON. TELL HER, I NEED YOU IN MY LIFE AND I LOVE AND CARE ABOUT YOU! Get her to cry if you can, cry in front of her. This should wake her up and let her see you are serious. If she is still able to cry, you know she still has feelings and she isn't totally tuned off inside. You also know that you pushed the right buttons to get her thinking. Than slap her in playful way and say girl look at yourself, you are wasting your life away, get your foo butt out of bed and live life like you never lived before. Get her healthy and do some wild stuff. Go on a vacation, buy some new clothes, or whatever. Money is always an option I know. One thing you can do is adopt a pet from the SPCA for her if she doesn't already have a pet. Maybe she needs another pet. This way you can save two lives, the life of an animal and the life of your friend. Good luck, be strong, be firm, and let her know you aren't messing around. If she can't get rid of negative influences herself than do it for her and get her away from an environment that brings her down. Here's another thing, tell her to jump out of a plane. Yeah, with a parachute of course. If she is afraid to jump out of a plane, she's afraid of loosing her life. This is telling you that there is a part of her that wants to live. You just need to bring that part out. Now, in her state of health and with her weight I think she might have to wait to do some skydiving. I am serious about this though, she needs to get out of her shell and live. She needs to do something wild and this might be the ticket. Sure it's dangerous and is crazy, but what she is doing is dangerous and crazy. Tell her what I just said. If she wouldn't jump out of a not so perfect but flyable plane, why would she want to destroy a life that may not be so perfect but is still liveable. The only reason why I say a not so perfect but flyable plane is because nothing is perfect. Things can be perfect but who defines perfect? Set your own standards without looking at the standards of others. Ask her what are her standards and how does she feel about her life. What does she regret and what doesn't she regret. What can she do to make her life better. What are her options and choices? What can she do to improve her life to make it closer to what she sets the standard of perfection to? Tell her, her life may not be perfect, but theres always room for improvement. That airplane is only an example, maybe that airplane needs a new coat of paint. I chose paint for an example as that is a major change compared to a washing or a wax job. She needs a major change as well and in a way she needs a new coat of paint. Give her a makeover, let her know she is beautiful. This will be her new paint. Also, I know you are probably having some anger at her husband. Give him the benefit of the doubt though, I know that may be hard to do. It is her choice, but she needs to know that if he is taking advantage of her she needs to ditch him. She ditched her first husband and she has the will to ditch this one if she needs to. I know everyone needs love, but if she ditches this one tell her to slow down for a bit and don't move into another relationship right away. If she desires a relationship, the best thing for her I would say would be for her to find a male friend who has been her friend for a while or it can be someone who is her current friend and cares about her. I'm saying this because I think she needs to be friends with a man first before moving right into a relationship. That way you can know for sure that the man cares for her as a person and can be a friend without wanting more. This will help her with her number one problem, she is a sesitve person and is easily taken advantage of. She needs to build up a tolerance or a barrier to these negative influences. I'm not saying that she needs to turn cold hearted, that can be bad too. She just needs to not fally quickly or wear her heart on her sleeve. She than needs to be with the right people who do care about her and aren't there to use her. Good luck and keep her in prayer.