living with elderly father?

Question

my father is 83 lives with myself and family don't take care of himself and has gotten mean and critical of everyone and everything. Do I need better drugs ( for me ) or should we put him in a home...

I have been looking out for him for over 20yrs, So if you are not older then that I don't need your nieve opinions (KIDS i get enough from my own kids...)

Answer 1

Listen, when you were a child, and you got on your dad's nerves, did he EVER think of sending you to an orphanage or a foster home? How old are you anyways...? 20,27,32? For all through your childhood, he took care of you, fed you, fufilled your needs, gave you an education and now just because hes a little cranky at age 83 you want to put him into an old age home? You know, whatever you do with your parents, your children will do the same to you one day. How would you feel in your father's place. Why don't you try thinking it from your father's point of view? If I were you, I would try to make him happy and pay a little bit more attention in him. For example, if you own a business or a store or something, get him to help you even in the littleist way. Parents will feel very special and appreciated when you do. I hope I helped. Good LUCK!!!!!

Answer 2

I can understand your situation. My grandmother is like that, she is critical of everything from A to Z and a lot of the things she says are even very hurtful at times. But no matter how much your father bothers you or annoys you, keep in mind that he is the one who raised you from Day 1. He was always with you every step of the way. Your first day of school, when you got married, when you had kids, etc. Think of this as a way of you saying "thanks." He is your father and he loves and you love him, no matter how mean you think he may be. He is getting old so I'm guessing, most of the time he's probably just saying stuff without thinking. I personally don't think you should put him in a home because you are his family and I'm sure he would be much more comfortable living with you than with strangers. After all, if you can't depend on your family to help you in your life, then who can you depend on really?

I hope this helps, and I hope your father gets well.

Answer 3

I know it's hard to take on responsibility of an elderly person, but you should weigh out the pro's and con's of putting him in a nursing home. Who would provide better care for your dad? I would use a nursing home as my last resort (unless he is violent)
When elderly people are placed in a nursing home, they loose any self respect and dignity that they have, or modesty. It's taken from them from people that they don't even know.(example: bathing; using the bathroom; getting dressed ect..) You are his son, he raised you through good times and bad and now the tables have turned. You're taking care of him. He's 83? He probably doesn't have that much time to live on this earth. You just don't want to do something you'll regret on down the line. It's a tough situation; and you can only answer your own question on what to do, he's your dad and you can either do what's best for him or what's best for you. I faced the same thing and I kept my dad at home and I'm glad I did because he died, and I have no regrets or guilt feelings. He died at home surrounded by the people he loved and knew. His criticism is his way of expressing himself- it's hard to finally realise that your sick; old ;have to rely on your kids to take care of you; because in a persons mind they still feel young and that they want to be able to do things like they use to and their body won't let them, its hard for them to face that and knowing that death is coming soon, and who wants to die? Well, good luck on making your decision. I wish you the best.

Answer 4

at his age this is normal behavior.his mind play tricks on him at times and it can be very frustrating for them. as far as him not taking care of him self. you need to talk him into doing it, coax him i guess you could say. please don't take the thing he says to heart. he really does not mean them.as far as putting him in a home,well i work in a nursing home and its great. but not all are. i suggest before doing so, that you really look around. they are costly and if he does not have the resources i hate to see you place him in one that is not very nice. the way to find out about a place, is sure find out the cost and things like that. but make surprise visits to the ones you are thinking about placing him in.this way you can see how things are when they don't expect you.the sad reality is there is abuse that goes on in some nursing homes, but when there are people around that they new ahead of time were coming they can put on this front, to make things look good. also when your there take a look at some of the other elderly that reside there.if you see that they are sitting alone in a corner or that know one is talking to them the whole time your there. would you want your dad at a place like that? so if you decide that's what you want to do,please check the place out before placing him there.

Answer 5

Depends on what u mean by mean and critical, my parents were mean and critical to me right up until I moved out of their house, and sometimes they still are. If your father is being, say verbally abusive, that is different. You have a right to be free of that in your home. Talk to your family when ur dad isnt around and try to find out exactly how bad it is. It is possible he has a vitamin B12 deficiency or is depressed, Talk to his doc also.

Answer 6

Sounds difficult but no need of destroying your life over it. There are many places that will assist you in taking care of elderly parents, so that you all can take a break. You should look into this first before purchasing more drugs.

Best of luck

Answer 7

I know it is difficult taking of the elderly.Taking drugs is not the answer maybe you should consider a retirement home.