My 15yr old stepson has just been "asked" to leave his 2nd school in the space of 8 months. He has been in trouble with the police for possession of A Drugs, so basically no school will touch him and he has effectively finished his education. He has no respect for anyone, has a smoking habit that I abhor, disappears for days on end on "benders" and refuses to even pick his filthy clothes up off his bedroom floor.
His mother is scared of him. Although he hasnt been violent to her, he refuses to assist in any way around the house, does what he wants, when he wants, and expects her to sit up, sometimes all night, in case he comes home and needs letting in. Me and him now have an "understanding" that he speaks to me when he is spoken to, as I cannot even abide looking at him any more.
We are moving in 2 weeks and 3 weeks after that I am due to go to Iraq. I think it would be better for all parties for him to live with his grandparents who have offered to house him. Opinions?
2006-12-21 23:44:13 · 21 answers · asked by martin_s_buckley 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I feel sorry for the grandparents who should probably be looking forward to some peace and quiet in this time of their lives. I know my parents wouldn't be able to handle a yob like that, I hope he doesn't fleece them for all they've got.
2006-12-22 03:24:49 · answer #1 · answered by georgeygirl 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I do not know where you live but, here in KY a parent can have a child determined to be a unruly child by the courts. If and when a child is so ruled by the courts they get assigned a parent assistant so to speak. this person who has all the authority of the court (without further due processes) will check up on the child daily. they will talk to the school and the home every day if needed. when ever they get a bad report on the child's behavior, the person can take some very strict and harsh steps to bring child back in line. a few nights in a detention room may be all it takes. you never know what a child's give in point is. but if he acts like a bully, you will be surprised how fast he will fall into line with real repercussions for his actions.
I do wish all of you the best of luck and I hope he does not let the testosterone rage mess up the rest of his life. or your lives either.
2006-12-22 08:22:00 · answer #2 · answered by Mike 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It would peace of mind for you while in Iraq but it is fair on the Grandparents to dump him there. If the stepson is this bad with you and your wife who is his mother, he certainly wont improve with the grandparents. As harsh at it sounds, your wife is partly to blame for not cracking down on him before now - it doesnt sound right to me to palm him onto the grandparents now just because they've offered. I doubt they know how hard he can be. I would keep him home and set the rules - if he lashes out at either of you then call the police, tell him the door will be locked at a certain time and if he's not home then he's locked out, if he causes a scene call the police. Leave his dirty clothes on the floor - if he doesnt pick them up he's the one going without clean clothes. If he leaves them all over the house - pick them up and throw them in his room and shut the door. Its the only way he'll learn.xxxxx
2006-12-22 07:50:11 · answer #3 · answered by starlet108 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Speaking from personal experience this child is screaming for attention & you want to ship him off to grannies! Have you ever gone out as a family maybe doing something he has chosen? No offence but has he always been like this or has it been only since you came on the scene? My mum's husband is a complete moron, he tells her what to do, he tells her when her children can & cannot visit so as expected we all hate him & wish him well in hell. Now, I'm not saying all stepfathers are like him but they can disrupt a child. There has to be an underlying problem here, kids don't just do these things for no reason, trust me, it wasn't that long ago I was going off the rails, punching holes in my body, getting tattoos, drinking underage etc etc, I was rebelling because I was always told never to do those things! He needs to sit down with you both (if he won't sit, tie him to the chair!) & he needs to give you an explanation. He also needs to understand you won't stand for it any longer, tell him his ways will land him in serious trouble should it continue! Good luck, I'm dreading my kids getting to his age, it must be very hard!
2006-12-22 11:11:47 · answer #4 · answered by C Greene 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, if his mom is afraid of him---how would his grandparents feel? Teenage boys have an advantage over us moms and sometimes dads---they are big. They know that there is very little you can do to exert control over them. The law is often no help, because unless your county has a curfew, he can stay out well past YOUR curfew and nothing can be done.
I think its important to find out WHY he has been acting out. I'm a firm believer that there are 2 sides to every story. Has he a problem with someone in the home? Another sibling? You, maybe?
I'm a little biased in that I really feel that children come first. Does he feel that his mom has allowed you to come before him? I was a teenager who existed in silence and loneliness because I just didn't' think my parents cared about me. Teenage depression and suicide is a big problem that few people seem to care about--but its real.
Another thing, are you asking this question for answers on how to make your life easier or do you genuinely want to help this child?
If a man marries a woman with children, it seems to me that to really show your love towards her, you have to be man enough to step up and accept the child--no matter what. Not because you love the child necessarily, but because SHE loves her child--he's a part of her
Another thing, nver underestimate the wonderful influence that a positive, strong, father figure can have on the life of a child--esp. at this age.
2006-12-22 08:19:34 · answer #5 · answered by reeses30135 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your Stepson sounds as if he is seeking attention, all the things that you are describing are attention seeking behaviour, he probably would not benefit from you sending him to his grandparents, it would just be another way of getting rid of the problem, what you need to do is spend some time with him and bond with him on a one-to-one basis, but you've just said that your going to Iraq, I don't know what your going to do, but my guess is that he will resent you sending him to live with his grandparents.
2006-12-22 08:44:12 · answer #6 · answered by bty912324 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think that might be a good way to go, but I wouldn't make it permanent. Agree with stepson and grandparents that when you get back, you will all sit down and decide where he is going. He needs to ber involved in all of this. I wish I knew if he wanted to go there. Once you get back, you all need counseling. He has something going on of which you are unaware. I know it is hard, but he needs kindness.
2006-12-22 07:50:46 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Honestly, yes. If you can't handle him as a middle aged adult, how can your older parents be expected to reign him in? Sounds to me like they have offered to take him in order to ease your mind so you can concentrate on Iraq.
You need to find a different alternative. Because you are already in the military, you may want to check out this site. If finances are an issue, you may want to see if the branch you are in will help out. I hope you find a solution to help everyone involved. It sounds to me like he is way beyond going to another family residence just to stir up trouble. Good luck to you and thank you for serving...may God watch over you and protect you...Blessings
http://www.bootcampsforteens.com/
2006-12-22 08:05:10 · answer #8 · answered by Silverwolf 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
are his grandparents aware for his antics and able to handle him? if they can then it's a good idea...what that kid needs is a boot camp....something to kick his **** into shape....or maybe a stint in a youth hostel as he is only 15, sitting up all night for him to come home is not good for wither of you, i wouldn't open the door to him, he needs to learn some respect and buck his ideas up, otherwise i predict he's gonna be one of them kids who's gonna be in and out of jail for the remainders of his life, he's obviously got himself into the wrong hands here, class A drugs, drinking, staying out all night and he's only 15, he's deffo in with the wrong crowd and is under peers pressure, but it seems he does not care a hoot about what you or your wife think....i hope that his grandparents are the type who will clamp down on him, other wise he's gonna spiral out of control more if he's not careful...don't tolerate this, give him a time limit about getting home at nigh, if he does not meet that time limit, just don't let him in...don't stay up waiting for him any more, he's being selfish and does not care about anyone but himself....
2006-12-22 09:19:03 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
What a sad story. Your love must strong to put up with that. Its such a shame that a youth who thinks he knows the ways of the world is so out of control. Its only later in life that you do realise that the "grown ups" are right all along! He sounds like he needs a good punch in the mouth tbh, you know what i mean! I bet the police do nothing with him when he gets arrested either! No respect at all from him and he doesnt deserve any from you either! I think its perfectly reasonable for him to move out. If he wants to be treated like an adult maybe its time he fended for himself. Hard loving! Thats what he needs!
2006-12-22 07:52:08 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 2⤋