How Do I Move On?

Question

I need to advice on how to move on and deal with the death of both my parents? I am having trouble with memory loss.

Answer 1

I'm so sorry for your loss. Although I don't know how old you are (which has a lot to do with how you react) I do know what it's like to lose parents. I lost my mom when I was 21 to a brain tumor and my dad when I was 29 to cancer. I just lost my 39 year old brother this past spring to a heart attack. I thought it would be harder with the sudden shock of my brother, but in truth it was similar. With my parents, I actually had two periods of grief-at the time of diagnosis and then when I finally lost them. Although it was a relief that they are no longer suffering, it doesn't make it any easier when the time actually comes.

As far as moving on, when I start missing them I try my hardest to remember the good times we had together. It also helps to realize that they no longer have to worry about living in this messed up world. Truth be told, they are in a far better place; no hunger, no coldness, no sickness, no sadness. They are Home. I grieve for the loss of their physical presence, but I do not grieve that they have moved forward. I miss them, but I know they live on in my heart, and I will see them again someday, when my time in this place is over. And no matter what other people think, say, or do, NEVER hold back your tears. That's one of the few ways your body relieves stress.

As a sidenote, your memory loss is directly related to your loss. Sometimes your brain changes emotional issues to a physical problem. Not to go into too much detail, I know this from personal experience. I've lost someone close every year since 2001. I developed visual and neurological problems to the point of getting an MRI and having an appointment with a neurosurgeon. There was NOTHING physically wrong with my brain. The doctor's advice-learn Tai Chi or take Yoga. This is the same doctor that performed my brain surgery (for a true physical problem) three years ago. As it turns out, the stress manifested itself into similar symptoms that I had prior to surgery. Tai Chi and Yoga combine physical movement with mental relaxation techniques in order to treat both issues. I'm not saying you need to take these classes, but your memory loss needs to be addressed, and this might be a natural way to start. Or, you could talk to your family doc about a mild antidepressant.

I do wish you the best of luck. Losing loved ones is never easy, but you will find a way through this. Blessings

Answer 2

Loss of both parents is tragic. Having lost both my parents While they were in their early 40's and I being the oldest of their children.
I had alot of things to do to rap up their final affairs shortly after their deaths. It kept me busy and basically my mind off of what had happened.

After the funerals were done, I expected life to return to normal day to day stuff. That didn't happen. I found myself depressed, anxious, totally lost. I couldn't concentrate on any one task.

Then one day i got the idea i'd do a project, I began doing our family history. I gathered old photo's placed them in an album,
wrote down personal memories of my parents, even memories of some stories about their life they had told me as a child.

I then went to the familysearch.org website and learned how to do research on our ancestors. Once i embraced this activity my memory loss went away, i didn't feel as sad anymore without them physically present in my life.

Basically i got busy doing all sorts of things, not allowing thier passing to occupy my thoughts in a negative way.

You'll be with them again one day. In the meantime live a happy life, they will appreciate it and so will you.

Answer 3

I am so sorry for u r loss ..:( it must be very hard , but don't forget that u r parents will always be with u , they will always watch u and stay in u r heart. I believe that after death, spirits never die, and they always watch for the love ones .. And if they see u suffer they suffer as well .. They want u to go on with u r life and be strong. Share with them in u r mind every good or bad thing, and they will be with u forever!

Answer 4

When you say "memory loss" are you referring to both short and long term memory or just one of them? How long has it been since your parents died? My sister died in a car accident 4 and a half years ago. I can't believe it's been that long and yet, it still feels like it happened just yesterday. One of the things that really helped me was going to a group for bereaved adults, other people who experienced a death in their immediate family or friends. It helped me to set aside specific time to grieve and to talk about my feelings; it gave me a very safe, welcoming place to hear and talk and just be. Another thing that was really helpful for me was writing things down - journaling, making lists of what I had done/what I needed to do, just doodling sometimes. This gave me something to focus on which helped me feel less out of control. I also write "unsent" letters to my sister and to others expressing what's going on in my life, how I feel, what I miss, etc. and that has been a really useful tool in my healing process. There will always be a gaping hole in my heart for her loss and for the loss of many other dear friends, but the insane despair, the overwhelming grief only strikes me occasionally now. Mourning and taking the time to really allow yourself to feel whatever it is you feel will help you process what's happened. There are many people who want to help you during this time, but don't know what to do or how to do it. They need you to ask, if you are able to, and don't hesitate to be specific about your needs. Perhaps finding a caring spiritual adviser or grief counselor would help you also. Many blessings and prayers to you, fellow griever, and prayers to your friends and family also grieving.

Answer 5

Sorry for your loss. I think you should seek professional help to deal with this matter. The loss of anyone significant in your life is bound to have a serious affect on your life and certainly when it's your parents.
I urge you to please seek help, may it be grief counseling or either start with self help books to come to terms with your loss. You can't and shouldn't have to go through this on you own. Reach out to a loved one, friends, family or others who can be there for you.

Wishing you alot of strenght and courage during these trying times. Please keep us informed on whatever decision you make. God bless.

Answer 6

man, that is a tough one, maybe one of the toughest things in the world to get over....like anything that impacts you so deeply, time is maybe the only answer......maybe for at least a few months, that is all you are going to think of, but as your life moves forward the daily events will take your mind off things. I would say after a few weeks or so, get involved in things, don't sit at home being depressed, life is short so don't waste it..........go out with friends, maybe find an older neighbor that could use some help, take them shopping or help them with things around the house, they will be very grateful and it will make you feel much better. As time goes by hopefully you will only have good memories...the holidays can be the worst time, because you probably spent lots of time with them around the holidays. try to keep their traditions going, whatever they maybe. my mother always gave us an orange in our stockings, so I put an orange in our stockings every year. anything like that is a nice thing to do. if after awhile you are still being depressed, go and see a doctor, you don't want to fall into depression that you can't get out of. something else that I did was to write a letter to them.....tell them anything that you like, I'm sure it will be full of good memories. when my Grandfather died, I wrote him a letter and put it in his casket, thanking him for all of the wonderful things he did for me..........you can even email it to me if you want.........life goes on, you will be ok after awhile........

Answer 7

Get a boyfriend...start a family... and make new and happy memory