I need help telling my parents things...?

Question

How can I tell my parents that I don't believe in God in a way that will not anger them? By the way, I am 19 years old and I still live with them as I attend college. (Please, i don't want to hear any preaching from Christians. I firmly believe that religion is worthless, and i appreciate your concern, buy you would be better off not wasting your time.)

Answer 1

I've raised 6 children, 3 of my own and 3 foster sons. At one time or another 5 of the 6 have told me that they don't believe in God. I am very open with all my kids and we were able to discuss what it was that made them feel that way. After long talks with each of them, it came down to that they actually didn't believe in organized religion. It wasn't that they had a problem with believing in a higher power, it was the overbearing doctrines of the churchs. For example, the father of one of my foster sons had committed suicide. His family was catholic and therefore said he would be in hell. Of course this young boy didn't want to see his father spending eternity in hell! It was easier for him to renounce God than to accept that vision. Once I explained to all of them that God was within them, not within a church or their doctrine, did they find peace and accept that maybe there was a god afterall. So, I guess my question to you would be, is it God you don't believe in or is it religion? Once you know that, then you proceed from there. I really don't feel it is a topic that you need to talk to your parents about unless it somehow comes up or you need guidance.

Answer 2

Religion is not worthless, but that doesn't mean that you have to believe. Religion certainly has it's uses some which will be rejected by believers, but accepted among anthropologists!

You need to respect that religion has it's purpose, but it's applications do not apply to you, to tell your parents without offending them. Although, I'm not really sure, why you would want to tell your parents?

My parents are Baptists. I come from a long line of ministers and preachers, but I myself am agnostic. Do I tell my parents this? No, I appreciate their bubble of happiness and would rather allow them their ignorance than hurt their feelings. What they don't know won't hurt them! I do not believe that personal belief systems are so important that one must tell their parents! Then again, while I relate to my parents on an intellectual level, I do not have much of an emotional or personal relationship with these people.

I would suggest, you hold your tongue for a few more years unless they are begging for an answer. Then the honest truth might be best.

Answer 3

This is a very difficult thing to do. I know because I was raised a Christian and I decided I believed in Judaism, and my family took it very very badly. Years later, I have come to believe in Hinduism, and I don't even tell them. It's not worth the misery.

It all depends on your parents' personality. If they are like mine, you'd probably be best off not even telling them, unless there is some specific reason you need to let them know. But I think one ought to be able to share anything with their parents, and I hope you have parents who are understanding enough that you can do so. Only you can decide.

I made a very big mistake in those years when I believed in Judaism, and that is that I did not respect my parents' religion during that time. This is the most important thing I can tell you - is that you must respect your parents for believing as they do. It doesn't mean you have to agree with their religion, but you need to try to understand that they believe, and have a respect for their decision to do so.

Things would have gone 10 times better for me if I had respect for my parents' religion.

Just imagine raising your daughter in Atheism and you give her values of reason and morality, then she grows up and converts to some religion, and starts disrespecting you as an Atheist. How would you feel? I think that must be kept in mind and be careful in how you react to your parents' religiosity.

Chances are, if you respect them, they will respect you.

Now that I am Hindu, I believe that all religions (and Atheism as well) are respectable viewpoints, and I respect my parent's Christianity. We get along 100 times better now. They don't know that I'm Hindu though. I have decided it is not worth hurting them to let them know. And I know they'd be hurt, because they could never understand.

All the best to you!

Answer 4

There you go...you are half way already.
I wont be difficult depending on how religious they are. Nevertheless they are your parents and should listen to you as you should listen to them. You do not have to agree on everything they believe and you must tell them that. When i was your age, i wish i had confronted my parents. I didn't and i still do not have the same beliefs. It sounds like you know what you want and if this is true tell your story, your doubts and your concern about having to be what they are. If they are easy to listen go and tell them, if they are not, well ...you have to prepare them for what is to come, because they will be disappointed, but that is something they will have to live with. You are a woman now, ready to make your decisions.

Answer 5

religion is almost useless, but faith is not. When everything you hope for goes down the drain, all your friends betray or abandon you, and you no longer have the energy to fight back on your own, you are forced to learn something.
It doesn't matter if you believe in God. He [she?] is still going to be there, watching you and waiting for you to acknowledge him. It's almost inevitable that you'll eventually find that you can't take on the world alone forever, unless you die unexpectedly (and then won't you be in for a big surprise!).
So go ahead and tell them. If they've lived any kind of life, they may smile and nod their heads with that knowing look. Otherwise they may be sad or outraged, but it's still better that they know.

Answer 6

I can't really answer your question because I don't believe in not beliving in God. It's sad though, so close to Christmas and while everyone is getting excited you most likely aren't going to celebrate, I mean after all Jesus is the reason for the season and if you don't believe in God why would you celebrate his son's birthday?

But, to talk to parents about anything can sometimes be hard, and it really depends on how close you are with them, if you're closer to one than the other, tell that one first, it may make it easier.

Answer 7

You're best to be honest with them.
I grew up in a Catholic family and my mum was a real holy joe. I had to tell her the same thin but I put it to her that I was struggling to understand how there really could be a God in this messed-up world.
I was lucky and she backed off the whole religion thing. It did come up a few years later but it wasn't such a big deal then so I had no problems.

Good luck, whatever you decide.

Answer 8

Actually, I don't believe you're obligated to tell them anything. Just because they're helping you pay for college is not a reason to believe the things they do. At 19, in most places, you're an adult. Should the subject come up, just say "Well, that's private. I don't wish to discuss it right now." If they press, just repeat what you said.

Answer 9

Even if they are your parents, don't discuss with them. You can never convince a religious person by discussing. Maybe you could try the, "Thank you for teaching me your religion. I have found out that I cannot make myself believe, but I respect your belief" approach. And if I were you, I would join certain religious ceremonies with them, i.e. if they are praying at dinner table. After all, it is their house, their customs. Soon, you will start your own life, your own style. It doesn't hurt to show that you respect their religion.

Answer 10

Just say it, Mom, Dad, I want to go to college to do my thing without feeling of guilty. If I should die or you should die we will never see each other again and that feels good to know. Thanks for nothing my life has no meaning. Why was I born.

IF you tell them you don't believe in God, then this is what they'll hear, especially if they are God fearing people. You don't have to believe in something for it to be real. Maybe your better off not saying anything to them at all.