I have an estranged mother. I haven't seen her or had her apart of my life for over 12 years. I am getting married this year, and just found out she is aware of the wedding. I don't want her there, it would ruin 'my special day'. Her side of the family disowned me, so none of them will be there either. There really isen't anyone who would be able to tell her the details of the event, but she is mentally unstable, and has gone to great lengths in the past to try and make herself present at my 'milestones' (highschool graduation etc). I want to know if anyone has any suggestions on how to keep a wedding 'locked down' without having it be obvious to guests. I really don't want her there, and I also don't want my guests to see her being escorted out by police. It feels like a fine line, and I am worried.
For anyone who is concerned about her, don't be. Believe me when I say this women has NO right to be apart of my adult life.
2006-12-21 22:06:13 · 13 answers · asked by Melissa N 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Could you assign one person to be on the look out for her? And if she shows then that one person could take care of it. I really don't know how you could keep her from showing up.
2006-12-21 22:13:02 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
My issue is my parents! They have graciously offered to pay for a good portion of the wedding, but insist on my brother being a groomsman! The problem is I have not had a real conversation with in during the last about 7 or 8 years! I feel like I don't even know him any more! My fiance has maybe spoken to him once and we've been together for almost 9 years. On top of that, my fiance does not care for my brother at all! However, since my parents are paying for most of this wedding, I feel like I have no choice and must tell my fiance that my brother must be a groomsman, no matter how much I disagree!
2016-05-23 15:17:51 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The best thing to do is not send her an invitation. On the invitation, you should indicate that an RSVP is required and the deadline for the RSVP. If someone intends to bring a date, you should indicate that the date's name is required for the final guest list. Anyone not listed on the guest list will not be allowed into the reception hall. If anyone hasn't replied or hasn't completed all the info by the RSVP deadline, you should call them up ASAP and confirm if they will attend and the name of their date, etc.
You should notify the staff at the reception hall and your ushers that anyone that is not listed on the guest list you have approved should not be let in.
2006-12-22 02:06:14 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Firstly, congratulations on your big day.
I'm sorry that you are in this situation. Maybe you should be open with your guests - I'm sure most of them have realised that you do not have a good relationship with your mother and would understand.
Prep yourself aswell, that way there is no element of surprise. And if she does turn up, do not deal with her, have someone you trust and who is discreet and tactful to escort her out and to deal with the police if they have to be called. Lastly, do not let this ruin your big day. You've done fine without her all of these years and so you shouldn't fret about it.
Good luck and have a wonderful day!
2006-12-21 22:21:16 · answer #4 · answered by Mizzy 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Have some of the ushers and the male attendants aware of the situation and if they see her, to escort her out. I would have a male at the door, like to sign the book, with a woman friend just for security. I know the feeling, I work with guys though that carry guns so it's easy to keep people out. LOL.
2006-12-22 17:22:00 · answer #5 · answered by Rhode Island Red 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, since it is rude to share details about an upcoming event with someone who is not invited, HOW did she find out?
Does she know the location and date and time? Do any of these other relatives?
You could print extra cards to insert in the invitations that say "Please remember to present this card at entrance" and an usher checks those cards and only those people can enter (that's what celebrities do, to keep out crashers). That, and keep the info under your hat. But that is really all you can do.
(Please, refrain from calling it "My special day"-- that is a Bridezilla kind of thing to say.)
2006-12-22 17:31:18 · answer #6 · answered by Etiquette Gal 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Neither of my sisters wanted our dad at their weddings, and they had a couple of cousins from their mom's side on the look out for him or anyone from that side of the family. The location was kept away from him, as was everything else. They did not do annoucements for the same reason.
2006-12-22 14:03:09 · answer #7 · answered by chestr22 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Definitely have people posted to keep her out, even if you have to hire them. This type of situation is no joke. My ex-fiancee tried to get into the church and then called in a bomb threat at the reception. Luckily the place knew how to handle the situation with discretion. Enjoy your day and so sorry your Mom is such as hassle.
2006-12-22 00:16:30 · answer #8 · answered by Debra D 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You could have a "bouncer" on the door, someone checking invites, and no one gets in without an invite. Or you could just ask the attendees not to divulge the details of the wedding to anyone, especially your mother.
2006-12-21 22:16:27 · answer #9 · answered by sparkleythings_4you 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know exactly where you're coming from. I would definitely hire security and make it by invitation only. Even if she does not have an invitation, she can still get in to attend unless someone stops her. For your peace of mind, I would do whatever it takes to prevent her from showing up.
2006-12-22 05:14:31 · answer #10 · answered by Cinnamon 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds as if you have all the one sided answers to this question.
You could hire security and make the wedding attendance by invitation only.
I've had similar issues in my family. But, never went as far as to deny access to a wedding from the unwanted family members.
Don't envy your life must be full of bitterness that will make your life miserable over time.
2006-12-21 22:16:05 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋