My 12 year old son keeps stealing...?

Question

The police was already involved once and he already went through therapy but he keeps stealing. Anything. Little things. pens, food, money, etc. He knows he could just ask for them.

He stole money from home and school before. When grounded he'd destroy everything in his room. Without making any sound so we didn't know until later. But his aggresiveness and anger issue was now pretty much resolved by the therapy. And his habitual lying too. At least I think so. My husband doesn't agree with me. I used to believe everything my son said but not anymore. Not after the rude awakening that he lied about almost everything to me. When asked why he said because I believed him. It's been a year and half. And today I found he came into my room and grabbed bunch of pens while I went to the mailbox. 3 minutes.
I just found them in his pockets. What else? I don't know. I want to die. Is he hopeless?

Answer 1

Could be a few things

Like one said,.. he could want attention,.. its possible

He could be a kleptomaniac,... and need to steal,. inwhich case he needs psychological help

He could be suffering from a lack of something,.. .perhaps a slap upside the head,... show him what real anger is all about!

or perhaps you could scare him out of it,...

if its not attention, or a disease,.. perhaps you caould enlist the local law enforcement to assit you in a little scare tactic

see if they will arrest him the next time he does something "harmless" not officailly,. but cuff him,.. take him to the station,. and then put him in a cell by himself,.. then tell him he can never see his family again or anything,..

i give him about 1 or 2 hours befoe hunger sets in as well as dispair and he breaks down,..

then when all hope seems lost,.. an officer tells him that perhaps if he promises never to steal again,. he can let your paretns punish him instead...

idk,.. worth a shot maybe?

Answer 2

I know it might sound a bit extreme but, if the police already got involved once and he is not phased by that, maybe you should try something else. Like next time he does the five finger discount, turn him in. Talk to your local police department. Some of them will have them see how it is to sit in a cell for a couple of hours to get a taste of what happens to you when you commit a crime. Just a thought. Hope everything works out for ya. Good Luck!

Answer 3

When kids do this sort of thing it is quite often a cry for help. The first thing you should try to do is find out if he is being abused or bullied. If that is not the problem then try making a big fuss of him when he does something well and try to play down his faults. It might be that the only way he feels he can get your attention is to act up. Try to find out what it is that he really likes doing and make a big effort to do it with him, or at least take him to do it. That way he will see that you are willing to give him some of your time.

Answer 4

Ok nothing you tried worked now try something off the wall -
Next time he is out, at school or a friends go in his room and " steal " something of his, make sure its something he will miss.
When he says something about it play it cool "I guess it got stolen, but I guess you now know how it feels to get your stuff taken." and just go on with what ever you were doing like no big deal.
Later that night - go to his room and talk to him - telling him "son you know how you felt when you things came up missing well that is how we feel and its not a nice feeling is it", then give his stuff back to him.
Next time he takes something take something of his again but keep it longer until he learns when he steals he loses.
That's what I did with my stepson and he learned fast, only had to take his stuff 2 times, he has NEVER stole since.

Answer 5

Kids that age steal and do other things because of the need to get attention, I must ask is it possible there has been some traumatic event in his life which may have explained his behavior.. could he have suffered some sort of abuse he is ashamed of and is acting out based on his experience. Some kids steal because they feel parents don't love them or don't spent time enough with them and do it out of need for more of your time. I would ask open ended questions to find out what is really bothering your son and assure him he don't need to steal to get your attention and he can come to you if anything is wrong.

Answer 6

Your son is not hopeless.
All boys around this age, act out in one way, or another. Trust me this happens a lot. (Not many parents admit to this) He may be telling you something:

*Something may really be bothering your son! Children act-out, when they don't know how to say that they are feeling. (Look for patterns between his environment and his actions.)

*Children want our attention and they will do just about anything to obtain it. (Even negatively)
Ignore the negative behavior (if not a physical harm to himself or others), and only pay attention to positive actions.-very important!
*Ignore- the lying.
*Ignore- the stealing. (just quietly put the things back) This will be very hard to do. I understand this. But, your breaking his habit, with actions not words. He will start thinking.

*Children act what they are called. Make sure that you only address his actions, not him, when you need to respond to him.

Try this for 20 days...regardless of what else may be going on. And you'll be smiling again, I promise.

Answer 7

I know this sounds like a cop out - but he will grow out of it mate - but in the meantime what are you to do? i strongly agree with most of the people on here - punish him - no matter how small the item - even if its harmless - ground him - take away his ps2 - anything you know will hurt him! he will soon get the hint! i say all this coz i was like it once and if my mother had have done all those things to me i wouldnt have ended up (almost) in prison!!! but like i said - i grew up and all was cool! another thing - look to his mates - they are a big influence in his life and are possibly feeding him with ways to live - ie how to be "hard" or "cool" or "funny" - we as parents bring our kids up till they get to a certain age and whether we like it or not their friends take over till they are adults (even longer in some cases) good luck mate

Answer 8

i use to do when i was 8-9 when i got whoopings i stopped completely but then kept doing it less untill my mum took things that were vable to me more everytime i stole something something got tooken from me. So, now i'm 13 and not doing it no more. or bring him to a boot camp or move away from the neighborhood so he can start over under ur punishment.

Answer 9

I would say he is doing anything he can to get anykind of attention maybe because he feels he needs to be the"center of attention" no matter what. Ever try sending him to a Juvenile Boot Camp--it just might work.

Answer 10

Just hope the time passes quickly unto he is able to leave home and don't leave anything of value for him to steal some people are just born thieves it's not your fault!