Obsevations on the English Language?

Question

Let's face it
English is a stupid language.
There is no egg in the eggplant
No ham in the hamburger
And neither pine nor apple in the pineapple.
English muffins were not invented in England
French fries were not invented in France.

We sometimes take English for granted
But if we examine its paradoxes we find that
Quicksand takes you down slowly
Boxing rings are square
And a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

If writers write, how come fingers don't fing.
If the plural of tooth is teeth
Shouldn't the plural of phone booth be phone beeth
If the teacher taught,
Why didn't the preacher praught.

If a vegetarian eats vegetables
What the heck does a humanitarian eat!?
Why do people recite at a play
Yet play at a recital?
Park on driveways and
Drive on parkways

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy
Of a language where a house can burn up as
It burns down
And in which you fill in a form
By filling it out
And a bell is only heard once it goes!

English was invented by people, not computers
And it reflects the creativity of the human race
(Which of course isn't a race at all)

That is why
When the stars are out they are visible
But when the lights are out they are invisible
And why it is that when I wind up my watch
It starts
But when I wind up this observation,
It ends.

Answer 1

That was brilliant,even though I only speak English when I have to.Some hard work has gone into compiling that and to all the uneducated p*ats who criticised it.."Try to do even half as well yourselves...some of you can't spell simple words properly,so no wonder big words and irony go over your heads."
I give you 10/10. Merry Christmas.

Answer 2

Brlliant !
Although it simply glows on my screen.
The TV in this tiny office, which is actually a bedroom, just said "sadly, that is all we have time for"
I am not sad, and there is plenty of time left.
"That's curtains" presumably from the stage-speak, or could it be from the crematorium, or is just those things that I am looking at across the window.
Is the window cross I wonder.
What on Earth is "cut the mustard" about ?
Or "Don't give a fig"
Oh what a tangled web we weave.
Handy language to have, though.
Handy ! - what have I said.
Oh dear.
Bob.

Answer 3

Guinea pigs (also called cavies or pargs) are rodents belonging to the family Caviidae and the genus Cavia, originally indigenous to the Andes. ... were so named because they were sold as the closest thing to a pig one could get for a guinea (an old ... eating solid food after a couple of days ...

Answer 4

I enjoyed that.. now you tell me.
Why is a fly called a fly? A fish is not a swim.
A bird is not a fly. Did Adam run out of names when he got to the fly?
Do you wind up your watch while walking in the wind? Do you get winded from walking in the wind?
Did you read this now or have you read it before?
Keep up the funny stuff.

Answer 5

Yes it is rather odd at times. But it is spoken by almost half the people on this Planet. So English can't be all that bad.
Incidentally, it is better when one learns how to spell......

Answer 6

Some of that is American English not the true English language.

Answer 7

i have to agree with some of it.lol

It's a strange world of language in which skating on thin ice can get you into hot water. Franklin P. Jones

Answer 8

Take a chill pill. You eed to get some friends, maybe a pint of stella could sort this all out for you!

Answer 9

sorry not english but american english..eggplant is an aubergine.. hamburger is a beefburger... french fries are chips.. phone booth is a phone box... we drive on motorways...
sorry to be pedantic.. but the americans took the english language and sh*t all over it.....

Answer 10

Man...you on fire!

You were going really well and I was going to give you 10 out of 10.

But you should have stopped with the preacher.
After that you started going down hill.