i've been going out with my boyfriend for almost a year, behind my parents' back. we love each other so much but my parents doesnt like him because he's not the same race as me *i know* and that he used to be bad, so they dont like him. but i know he's changed. now they found out and asked me to choose between family and him. help me!! im so confused. i want to be with my boyfriend but i dont want to lose my family..
2006-12-21 20:02:13 · 22 answers · asked by lalala 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
i am studying abroad.. alone and my boyfriend is on the other part of the world.. i havent seen him for 6 months BUT i trust him, i always talk to him everyday. i am old enough to make decisions for me. as for my relationship with my family, im close with them, but they're very overprotecting me.. i have to txt them every few hrs juz to tell them im okay and my family even checks my email n stuff.. so i have no privacy at all.. i cant talk to my family about that because it means talkin back to them..
2006-12-21 20:09:16 · update #1
my mom threats me that she will disown me and she will not pay for my studies anymore.. and my boyfriend, he's the most understanding guy i know, he wants to talk to my family, i never let him do that because my family hates him,,
2006-12-21 20:11:55 · update #2
fyi, my boyfriend never ask more than this, he said it's ok as long as he can still talk to me.. he doesnt mind this kind of relationship.. his family knows about me and they're fine.. the problem is juz my family..
2006-12-21 20:22:48 · update #3
Good luck on this one my last girlfriends parents gave her the same choice. We went back and fourth for a year sneaking and finally this last time she told them which they dealt with for around a month before threatening to throw her out just for being over at my apartment. Honestly a lot depends on your age, if your over eighteen then they will come around with time if you are ready to stand for what your heart feels is right with this guy. Over time if he makes you happy they will be happy for you, as they are your folks and no doubt love you very much. Mine made the right choice for her and stayed at home, she is very close to them and should never have to have made a choice like that. Now she acts like she never loved me to begin with, and doesn't anymore just to make me go away in turn making it easier for her to just forget about me. She wanted to marry me and then told me we had no future together because her family would never accept me. Sometimes we make the right choices for all the wrong reasons. If this guy is the right one for you and you are in love with him truly then stand up for it. With time your family will forgive and come around as long as they know you are happy. Otherwise buckle in because they are going to run your life for as long as you allow them to. If you are an adult then only you can decide whats best for you in this. Is it worth losing a true love just to please them for a period of time, or is it going to be better for you example being married to this guy for the rest of your life and waiting for you family to deal with it over time. The choice is yours a lot depends on age and how much you love this guy. I miss and wait for mine everyday, even though she won't be coming I wait. Its beyond heartbreaking to lose the love of your life all because she feels she has no future with you because her parents will not give you a chance. Its a selfish sick world, and they do not always know whats best sometimes they just think they do. You may end up pleasing them only to find yourself miserable because you married their ideal of mr right instead of your own. Good luck, its a hard choice.
-NmD!
2006-12-21 20:11:50 · answer #1 · answered by NoMaD! 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is unfortunate that your parents gave you this harsh problem. I can understand that they want the very best for you. And, I can see their concerns involving this guy's past but race should not be part of their reasons of why you should not date this guy! I think your age and how you support yourself is going to be the solution...if your under 18 and living with ur parents than you should go along with your parents' request. However, if you are over 18 and live on your own than I say follow your heart which I think is your boyfriend! But, if you choose the boyfriend you will have to suffer the consequences which is no more family!!! i'm sorry you are going through this...this is not an easy decision!!!
2006-12-21 20:13:52 · answer #2 · answered by September Sweetie 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your parents don't like him because he is a different colour than you? Hmm *scratching head*
Wow, there are still some close minded parents out there!
I wish I could tell you what to do, but you gotta search deep within your heart and find the answer for yourself.
Your family will always be your family, but your lovers will come and go over the years.
Why would you have to choose one or the other? nobody should ever make you have to choose. You should be able to have your bf and your family, and keep them sperate! You don't have to bring your family to your bf's house, or bring your bf to your family's house, you can keep them sperate. And you should be able to live your life the way you wanna live it. This is so unfair for you to have to choose!
Good Luck, Hunny. God Bless, and Merry Christmas.
2006-12-21 20:09:06 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
no matter what, you will never lose your family, thats the gift you were forced to have if you wanted it or not. I learned the hard way and gave up the most important guy in my life for really wrong choices. Dont listen to anyone but yourself, but at the same time, keep what your family says in the back of your mind.
2006-12-21 20:08:33 · answer #4 · answered by StarGazer 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
From personal experience of dating behind my parent's backs, I think you should choose your family FOR THE MEAN TIME. Get on their good side again, let them trust you and let them know that you're perfectly capable of making good decisions.
But don't let your boyfriend go. It's okay to perhaps take a break, but make sure it's mutual in that you guys are planning to wait for one another. If anything you're gonna have to sneak around again, until you're financially independent and ready to get married.
TRUST ME!! If you guys are in it for the long run, he will realize that you need to patch things up with your family first and he will wait for you to do that!
2006-12-21 21:26:04 · answer #5 · answered by stelle d. 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know how you feel.. must be really hard for you...
Why don't you try to speak with your family in non threatened way..
In the meantime, maybe you should leave the matter cold.. Just go with the flow..
I know sometimes parents are right as they got strong intuition but I also understand that you really love your guy..
I hope everything will be alright soon..
Good luck..
2006-12-21 20:44:47 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try to communicate nicely with your parents. What's wrong having a boyfriend of another race? It's just typical of the little racism each has inside their hearts,but that's fine.
If your boyfriend truly loves you,he will definitely understand you're stuck in between. try to persuade both sides to ease a little.
2006-12-21 20:05:30 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hello Dear =)
Wow...
It is really inappropriate to ask anyone to choose between 2 different "sets" of people they love. Completely inappropriate.
There are other ways to show their disapproval.
I would suggest, since they are not respecting you in all of this, that you "appear" to choose your family, but continue to see your boy secretly, like you have been, until you are 18. Then you can make your family choose between being "decent caring people", and losing YOU!!
Namaste,
--Tom
2006-12-21 20:08:00 · answer #8 · answered by glassnegman 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If you really love your boyfriend that much, choose him. Still don't give up on your family. One day they will have to realize that you really love him and they really love you and they need to accept the choices you make in life. You are their daughter, they can't possibly be that mad at you if you choose him. They might be disappointed at first but they wil get over it.
2006-12-21 20:08:42 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go what feelz right. Dont 4get parents can be wrong too. And what i c they are in this case. Race is nothing...luv is. Unless he was like a murderer or something then ill say pay attention to ur parents...but not in this situation.
2006-12-21 20:23:11 · answer #10 · answered by LatinLadyXIV 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i do not know how old are you but understand a few things:
1st do you really know your boyfriend?
is he capaple of taking care of you, now ant in the future.... if so andd you really trust him hear your parents but dont listen to them.
if there is a shade of doubt i dont think you should hurry and do something rash that you will later regret. i sugest you look into your heart and that think really well before you do make a choice.
2006-12-21 20:06:29 · answer #11 · answered by georgesilvio2004 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋