Tell me a few jokes!?

Question

Dont care tell me any

Answer 1

-1-
Child : (returning from his cricket match in his compound) "Mom mom ", can I have an apple?

Mom: But you just ate one.

Child : An apple a day keeps the doctor away and I just broke his window.

-2-
Child : (returns home after getting her report card)

Mother:whats your final grade?

Child : Underwater

Mother : what does that mean?

Child: Below C LEVEL

Pleeeeeeeeaaaaaaasssssseeeeeeee rate

Answer 2

I'm in Tanzania so I will; Spend all the time I can get with my loved ones(friends & family) Laugh & be happy as much as I can. Give all my belongings to the less fortunate(poor people) Enjoy what is left of my life as best as I can Make sure that I leave something worthy for the coming generations such as writing a book or novel about life Maybe leave a few descendants(children) u know..........get 3 or 4 grls pregnant. Hahhaaaaa jst Kidding

Answer 3

A man and his wife are told that the man must have a brain transplant to save his life. The doctor says the complicated procedure is costly but there are choices. They can purchase a male brain for $1,500,000 or a female brain for $15,000.

The man feels very superior that the male brain costs so much more but asks the doctor why it's so much more.

The doctor replies, "because the women's brain has been used!"

Answer 4

to bunk beds a mum and dad on top and a little boy on bottom the mum and dad are having s*x so the dad says u want softer say tomato hardre say cheese so there going tomato cheese tomato cheese tomato cheese the next day the kid says mum dad were u making sandwiches last night uh yea why says the mum the kid says b cuz i licked up the mayonnaise

a guy walks into a hospital and walks into a doctor and says help me my wife thinks my dik is too short so the doctor gives him a medicine that whenever he bumps into some1 and the give him an apology his dik will grow 1cm longer so he keeps bumping ino people and they keep giving him apologies so then he bumps into an indian man and the indian man says 10,000 apologies

Answer 5

Ok, I got a few jokes for you :)

There is a tramp on a bus and he sees a nun that he is interested in, so he goes over and sits next to her. The nun gets all angry and storms off the bus. As the tramp is getting off a little bit later, the bus driver calls him over and whispers in his ear that he knows a way he could get what he wants from the nun. He tells him to go to the cemetery on a Tuesday night and wait for her because she usually comes to pray there then and all he has to do is act like G-d and he will tell her what he wants....
Anyway, Tuesday night comes and he dresses up like G-d and goes to the cemetery and sure enough the nun comes along a bit later and starts praying. All of a sudden he comes out from behind he tomb stone and says in a heavenly voice, 'I am G-d and I will answer your prayers, but first you must do something for me!', the nun replies by saying, 'oh yes G-d, what is it that you want...I'll do anything!'. The tramp then goes on to say,that she must have s*x with him, but the nun replies that she is married to the church and has to remain a virgin so could he rather do it up her asss. He says ok and they do the deed. As he finishes, he starts laughing and says, 'HAHAHAH, I'm the tramp from the bus yesterday!' to which the nun starts taking off her nun costume and replies, 'well I'm the bus driver!!!'

Ok, another one:

There are 2 guys and a woman stranded on an island. After a while of being there the woman agrees to having s*x with them because noone can live without it and in no time it becomes a daily thing. Then one day the woman eats something bad and she dies. One day later the guys are still ok....2 days later they are still managing......a week later things get a little bit more difficult for them.......2 weeks later things start getting quite hard for the 2 guys and a little bit unbearable........3 weeks later they are having a really hard time........eventually after a month when things are too unbearable to go on any longer, the one guy turns to the other and says, 'I really think it's time we stop having s*x with her and bury the body!'

Another:

There is a guy that becomes a sailor on a ship. As they head out to sea on the first day, he asks another sailor what they do for s*x on the boat seeing as there are no woman aboard. The sailor takes him below deck and points to a barrel there with a hole in it, he says, 'You see this hole? You stick your d*ck in there and do your thing!'. He tries it out and it's great, so he runs back to the same sailor and asks him if he could do this every day. He replies that he could do it every day except Tuesday. Curious, he asks why not on Tuesday....the sailor replies, 'Cos my friend....on Tuesdays, it's your turn inside the barrel!!!'

Some quick blonde jokes:

How did the blonde break her arm raking leaves? She fell out the tree!

What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant? Gee, I hope it's mine!

What do a tortoise and a blonde have in common? Once they're on their back, they're screwed!

Haha, I hope you like my jokes! I'l be here all week except Friday! *Bow* ;)

Answer 6

An young Japanese girl was trained customarily by her mother that after
marriage she should always please her husband and never annoy him.

Well, after first night of their wedding, in the morning the girl got out of
the bed after making intense love the night before.

She bent down the pick the clothes of her husband's clothes on the floor who
was awake, and uncontrollably let out a big fart.

Ashamedly she looked up towards husband and said:,"Ahhs me so sowrwy...
excuse prease, front hole so happy back hole laugh out loud."

Answer 7

Q What do you call Batman and Robin when they've been ran over with a steam roller?

A. Flatman and Ribbon

Answer 8

I got my mother in law an electric chair for christmas last year and im still waiting for her to plug it in.

Answer 9

What's the difference between snowmen and snowladies ?
Snowballs.

Answer 10

On a paddle boat with your chatterbox mother in law and cheating wife, your boat capsizes because of big waves. Q: Which will you save first - your paddle or your boat?