My boyfriend's boss is 35. She has one child who is around the age of ten and is currently married to a much older man who has two daughters that are her age. He doesn't want any kids. She doesn't want any kids. So she gave custody to her ex husband (her childs father). When she visits him she is constantly annoyed. She tries to push him off onto other people. If her ex was to get divorced from his current wife (which could happen b/c they are having marital problems) then she would regain custody. She is flipping out because she does not want this child.
What I'm wondering is.. how common is it for a woman who has given birth to a child not to have maternal instincts or any feelings for the child?
2006-12-21 18:40:53 · 12 answers · asked by while_love_remains 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
I don't know how common it is for women to "have no maternal instincts". it's probably a lot more complicated than that. There can be many reasons why a mother doesn't feel close to her own child. Maybe the relationship between the mother and child was damaged during the early years and a deep bond not developed. Maybe the stress of the marriage breakdown caused a rift. Maybe the child has some sort of disability or difficult behaviour that has alienated the mother. Maybe the mother is emotionally immature and cannot cope with fulltime mothering. There is a lot more to it than simply "no maternal instinct".
2006-12-21 20:09:37 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know of a women who divorced with her first husband and gave sole custody of their son to her ex. She hasn't seen the child for over 7 yrs. She married again and has 2 more children and in this marriage the husband is the main carer for the kids . He stays home when their sick,drops them off at school,makes lunches takes them to the doctors etc. So to answer your question there are many women out there without the maternal instinct. Lets just hope these kids have a good male role model in their lives. And hopefully they'll grow up OK.
2006-12-21 21:48:53 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
"What I'm wondering is.. how common is it for a woman who has given birth to a child not to have maternal instincts or any feelings for the child?"
This may sound hard to believe but what "girl_in_love" was saying is true. We don't have maternal instinct. At least not off the bat.
2006-12-21 19:11:32 · answer #3 · answered by Amber skie (22/f/ca) 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Once we get pregnant, a lot of us worry that we won't have any maternal instinct but thank goodness, it isn't very common! Nature does a pretty good job of wiring most of us up so that we'll bond with our kids after they're alive for a couple of weeks, and makes the kids cute so most of us won't kill them when they make us mad. (Just kidding. Sort of.)
This lady sounds like a real piece of work, though. Selfish, selfish, selfish. No doubt all of this is doing wonders for her son. He'll be darned lucky if he's ever able to have a halfway normal relationship with a woman.
Anyhow - if her son is living with his dad, why can't he stay with his dad even if his dad divorces? Is he happy living with his dad? Is his dad happy having him? Then why change things? The kid is going to be having enough upheaval in his life as it is.
I'll keep my fingers crossed for him.
2006-12-21 18:55:29 · answer #4 · answered by IrritableMom 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I would disagree with the first answer. I'm 62 and I have crossed the path of several women who had little or no maternal instinct (including my children's mother) in my life. Many women won't distinguish between a forceful hormonal surge to get children when they're young, and a long-term relation of love and care to those they give birth to. It's sad. It's life.
2006-12-21 18:55:22 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
All through my pregnancy I felt NO maternal insticts and I still dont...its weird really.
I think alot of it had to do with the physical and mental abuse I sufferes while being pregnant, my bf made my pregnancy hell and unenjoyable.
I love my child to death, but I dont have the maternal feeling, more like an "I always love you" feeling.
2006-12-21 19:13:10 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
well, in this messed up world I've seen it all too commonly. It might just be me, but wow! I'm speechless! Umm, well, you do know that in the news every now and then you hear about people microwaving their babies or drowining them in a bath tub. Also, in my psychology class, they said that we humans aren't born with a maternal instinct. We have to learn it through observation and play.
2006-12-21 19:06:32 · answer #7 · answered by Suzy Suzee Sue 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That sounds very strange. I don't think that is common at all. Hopefully she will do the right thing and let her child live with parents who want him and love him. How sad. that boy is going to have serious issues with women when he grows up.
2006-12-21 18:47:32 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Everyone is different. Some people are ME, ME, ME people... and nothing... not even the monumental experience of giving birth to a child will change that.
2006-12-21 19:50:41 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Happens. She sounds selfish, self centered. Some people are like that.
The boy's father needs to apply for custody. Hope he has a good lawyer!
2006-12-21 18:48:06 · answer #10 · answered by kiwi 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋