Lately I have been getting worried about my financial situation down the line, (right now I totally depend on a man, a money controlling one) I want a job, but the BIG problem is He will not pay for a day care (he makes over 90,000 a year) and retorts with "why do you need a job" insecurity at its finest.
So now tell me please, how do I get a job if I cant get daycare?
He is a big dink anout me working and earning my own money so much so it ends up in huge fights till 3 am!
He is the most unsupportive thing I have ever seen.
I thought couples should support each other in what they want in life, not make the other feel like a bad mother.
I really dont know what to do. I am 26 and I dont want to be dependant 100 % on a man when I am 30!
I feel like a loser. I got pregnant because he lied about wearing acondom, I found out about 20 seconds into the act when it didnt feel right. We were having sex for a year before he lied to me, I didntthink he would lie about that!
2006-12-21 16:38:41 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
Is your child under 5? day care is very harmful for children under 5. harmful intellectually, socially, emotionally, and physically.
couples should not support each other when one of them is doing something harmful.
btw, dr. burton white, one of the preeminant early childhood experts in the country said a mother has to have something wrong with her emotionally to not want to be with your young child instead of at work. i think he's overlooking that, alas, our society has been sucked in by the corporate-benefitting and corporate-sold notion that women should be doing something 'more important' than loving their flesh and blood, raising and guiding the next generation.
placing your child in day care isn't going to change you feeling like a loser. it will give you more things to feel like a loser about. this time, a real thing.
in reading and rereading your post, i analyze you as impulsive, wanting what you want when you want it, as someone who blames others rather than taking responsibility. i think it's probably way past time you grew up. so you can be a better mom and person.
read the book "The Road Less Travelled" by M. Scott Peck to help you see that the only person who can change your life is you. and running away from your baby is just destructive, not life-enhancing.
2006-12-21 16:59:59 · answer #1 · answered by cassandra 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't know what state you are in but your partner probably makes too much money for you to get help with daycare. What about a stay at home job...can you sew? Bake desserts for a restaurant? Make crafts? Sell stuff on ebay? It is never a good idea to be dependent on someone else. I was married to a guy like that once. His momma stayed home and cooked and cleaned and worked on the farm, and by god his wife was going to do the same. They don't understand the world is different these days. Needless to say, that marriage didn't last long. We live and learn. You've got to ask yourself...is it worth it to stay in this marriage? Don't worry about not being able to make it...how many women with kids do you see starving to death in America? I didn't say it was easy...you may have to have help from family and friends, but it is definitely do-able. Good luck.
P.S. Ask yourself what kind of a guy he is...He's already lied to you...If you took the money away, how does he look then? Would you stay with him if he were broke? If the answer is no, then I'd be packing my bags. He doesn't want you to make money because then you would leave his sorry butt. There are #'s you can call for help. Ask your local DHS...they would be able to tell you the help available to you.
2006-12-21 16:57:54 · answer #2 · answered by Becky F 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think the issue here is why are you with this man..who lied to you from the start and sounds very controlling. Lets say you were to break up, being a single mom, you are eligible for a lot of programs including help with child-care. I hope this question is a joke, because no one should be treated the way that you say you are. Don't feel like a loser, just take the steps to get out of the situation that you are in. Good Luck..
2006-12-21 16:43:38 · answer #3 · answered by redsox fan 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
From his perspective he probably feels like he makes enough money to support his wife and child and wants you to not worry about finances. That could be his reason for not wanting you to work. He sees the value in you being a stay at home mom.
I myself have been able to stay home and raise three children with my husband working.But, this is a lifestyle we both agreed upon and wanted. I did not want someone else raising our kids and I didn't have to go to work because he made enough money. I have been doing this for 27 years. I know this lifestyle isn't for everyone. I have never regretted my decision and my husband isn't controlling, but loving and supportive.
2006-12-21 17:40:25 · answer #4 · answered by godsgirl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is insecure about everything in life, obviously. You should get rid of him. I would secretively put out an ad in your nieghborhood for a babysitter. Teenagers love money and so do stay at home moms. If you can find someone who will be willing to work with you and your situation, then there's your answer. Once you find someone, get out of there as fast as you can. If you don't do something to that effect, then you will be stuck. No offense, but, where is your family? There has to be someone who will help. Go to your nearest state agency. Good luck to you.
2006-12-21 16:49:05 · answer #5 · answered by queensassey 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sorry hun, but the big issue here is you being with a male chauvinistic pig who will make you feel like such crap until you believe that you are worthless. You don't mention being married to him. Why don't you take a look at your life and think about moving on from him? You're only 26 and your kid doesn't need to grow up watching a man treat his mother like a servant. Get away from him, get a job and apply for state aid to get child care. You and your child deserve better.
2006-12-21 16:48:00 · answer #6 · answered by wldntulike_2know 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First find out he reason for the quarrel. Without it you are really not going to solve any problems, bringing her home still will be the same tension, you cant ask your parents to leave or move out. Thats just wrong. Try and solve it by talking to her and your parents. Compromise is the way to go. If the problems are regarding your kids or your married life, you should tell your parents not to get in between, since they are your kids and your married life. You need to explain to your wife that you cant live separately from your parents afterall they are your parents. Getting married the second time is not an option, what if it the same problem persists. Are you really willing to be separated from your parents? Just find out the core of the problem and go from there.
2016-03-13 09:34:30 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
With all due respect, this man sounds like a jerk. He lied to you, and probably got you pregnant to control you. This is not a loving relationship. Relationships are built on trust, support, and love. This is not what is happening here. I would get out, maybe go back to school if you need to, and get a job. You can live your own life and have your own sense of value.
2006-12-21 17:10:48 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like a real dink. If he makes 90,000 he would have a decent child support payment!!! That would pay for daycare. Life's too short to be unhappy... you're still young, do what's in your heart.
2006-12-21 16:48:57 · answer #9 · answered by naenae0011 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i say forget about the babysitting get started in a home career and let him help you that way and if he doesn't help you give him an ultimatum either he work with you or you going to go out and do you
2006-12-21 16:53:11 · answer #10 · answered by fumeluv 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋