The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible.
~George Burns
Santa Claus has the right idea ...
Visit people only once a year.
~Victor Borge
What would men be without women?
Scarce, sir .. mighty scarce.
~Mark Twain
By all means, marry.
If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
~Socrates
I was married by a judge.
I should have asked for a jury.
~Groucho Marx
My wife has a slight impediment in her speech.
Every now and then she stops to breathe.
~Jimmy Durante
The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness and kindness, can be trained to do most things.
~Jilly Cooper
I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.
~ Zsa Gabor
Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.
~Alex Levine
Don't go around saying the world owes you a living.
The world owes you nothing. It was here first.
~Mark Twain
Money can't buy you happiness, but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.
~Spike Milligan
What's the use of happiness?
It can't buy you money.
~Henny Youngman Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was 'shut up'.
~Joe Namath
Youth would be an ideal state if it came a little later in life.
~Herbert Henry Asquith
I don't feel old.
I don't feel anything until noon.
Then it's time for my nap.
~Bob Hope
A woman drove me to drink ...
and I hadn't even the courtesy to thank her.
~W.C. Fields
It takes only one drink to get me drunk.
The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.
~George Burns
The cardiologist's diet: If it tastes good ... spit it out.
~Unknown
By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.
~Billy Crystal
2006-12-21 16:13:09 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
Where is my question? Those where funny but I have one question about it. who ever said a man was a domesticated animal? A woman maybe but not a man
2006-12-22 07:40:38 · answer #1 · answered by Steven 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yeah, thankyou!
2006-12-22 00:26:12 · answer #2 · answered by bentomsun 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
omg lol hilariously priceless!
2006-12-22 09:41:50 · answer #3 · answered by Myastar 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
it's life
2006-12-22 00:32:08 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
i have no idea what to answer,all i know is this was amusing so thank you!
2006-12-22 00:20:45 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
yup
2006-12-22 00:20:29 · answer #6 · answered by kempret 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
That was ok.
2006-12-22 00:34:09 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I loved that! Thanks.
2006-12-22 00:30:46 · answer #8 · answered by Mary 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋