2006-12-21 16:08:29 · 33 answers · asked by skygirly62 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Come on now dear .. you have had children ?? If she is acting like a child don't wait for her to offer .. throw the dish towel at her and say comeon and help me dry the dishes or on your way out the door tell her there is a load of wash that needs put through ...
or the floor needs cleaned you wouldn't mind would ya hon ... ( always have a pleased smile and a firm voice in this )
Believe me if she does mind she is going to complaining to her new hubby ... don't forget to dole out a few chores for him also..
IF they don't like it well they will have to make changes wont they ??
All the best to you and yours
Merry Christmas
2006-12-21 16:22:07 · answer #1 · answered by MrsDave 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
ASK for her help!
If she still doesn't do it...
TELL her to help.
Make up a chore chart like you do with children. Everyone has certain chores to do every day of the week. Post the chore chart where everyone can see it. You don't have to do it in a mean way. Make it perfectly clear that you don't mind her living with you but everyone in the family must participate in order for there to be order and no conflict or hard feelings. Tell her that it's just too hard for you to do everything yourself and that it's not fair for you to have to do it all. You shouldn't have to clean up after adults.
She's only doing what you allow her to do...which is nothing. Only you can change things. Don't push the dirty deed off onto your son either. It's not his place to tell her to get off her lazy butt and help. He's not her daddy, he's her husband. It's your home, your problem and you need to be the one to tell her. That way the daugher in law is perfectly clear on what is expected of her.
2006-12-21 16:17:42 · answer #2 · answered by Riviera_ 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Start asking her for her help.
Talk to her and your son about it.
Are they paying rent at all? How old are both? Is there something about her that she cannot help?
I'd start leaving out apartment listings in the area with some things highlighted.
Any dirty dishes they make, they need to clean up. Put them on their bed as a not so subtle hint.
Don't do their laundry. Let them do their own.
How long have they lived with you?
Set down house rules.
2006-12-22 02:31:11 · answer #3 · answered by Terri 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would have one of those talks with the both of them your son and your daughter in law. Let them both know that this is not acceptable and if it continues then they should start looking for a place of their own.
Also, give them a reality check...
rent
electric bill
water bill
phone bill
gas bill
cable bill
insurance bill
Let them see what they have to look forward to if things dont change. Make certian chorse for them/her to do. Let her know that all the chorse will be hers when they move out, appriciate what you have. Some tough love!!!
They both need to be address, they are married and are a couple. This wont make her feel like you are singleing her out.
Good luck, I know its easy for us to say but your the one that has to do it. You can!! It is the best for them to learn this while they have you to teach them the things that they need to know in life.
2006-12-21 16:16:40 · answer #4 · answered by ohdarnitsmeagain 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Start charging them rent! Seriously! If they arnt going to pitch in and help around the house, then split up the rent, electric, water and phone bills and start charging them.
My fiance and I lived with his mother for a month or so while we looked for a house, and I never would have left a mess for her to home to! As a matter of fact, I took over most of the cooking and cleaning and made sure I had a plate set aside for her when she got home from work. It was extremely nice of her to let us stay with her! I was very grateful and your DIL should be as well!
2006-12-21 16:28:18 · answer #5 · answered by Jacqui D 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
OMG--I have one here right now.
And you know what is worse than one that won't help??? It is one that complains to other people about all the work you make her do (even though she doesn't do a d@mn thing).
I even wash her clothes and hang/fold them!!! And she doesn't even have a job.
I did stop matching her socks for her though. Just throw them in a basket for her to sort. Someone asked her the other day why she wasn't wearing socks. She told them it was because I had gotten behind on the laundry.
By the way, her and my son pay no rent either, and are driving one of MY cars.
2006-12-21 16:13:10 · answer #6 · answered by maamu 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell her that just because she has seemed to win the heart of your son doesn't mean that she has won your too. She has to earn it. Tell her to do that she can help around the house more and if needed be more curtious to the other members living in the household that pick up after her.
2006-12-21 16:11:31 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Dont start an argument.Well if things are tight and your son is not raking in enough for both of them, then it is an issue to be dealt with. Out of respect to your son though, I would discuss your concerns with him first.Don't make any suggestions on his part.Maybe consider mentioning a second job for you to make life more comfortable. If his reaction is supportive of you working another job, then you have somethings to address to him and his wife. With this it's very important to focus on not offending anybody or responding to character insult as this fuels the fire. List your LEGITIMATE concerns,issues,problems and ask for their input in terms of what options they can suggest to remedy your current situation. This way it's not you making any changes or "demands". You leave the burden of resolve on their hands, not yours. You may also share with them that you are willing to support any idea that you can all agree to.
2006-12-21 16:20:28 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
My son was living with me when he married and needed to stay with for awhile along of course with his new wife. Things were fine for awhile then she started getting lazy . I spoke to my son because if she didnt want to carry her own weight then he could. Well I finally had to give my son a 30 day to move, he was on the rental agreement. At first he was angry at me but did come to realize he needed the boot out the door. So my advise wheatheyou rent, own, buying, give them a 30 day to move. Good luck it will all work out, remember no one take advantage of you unless you let them.
2006-12-21 16:39:26 · answer #9 · answered by sunshine 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
my son and his girlfriend (soon to be babies momma) live with me and all that I ask them to do is clean the bathroom. since I clean the rest of the place because they are hardly here. but they do use the restroom. and they haven't even done that. I clean it twice a week. and they don't do anything to help out. so, i told her and him that they have until March (which is long enough to save money) to find a place. you can talk to her, but if she is like the one that I have, good luck
2006-12-21 16:13:13 · answer #10 · answered by becca j 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋