I'm getting married in 9 months. I am in love with my fiancée and am excited about our future together. We are in our early 30's and were together for 2 years before we got engaged. We have a happy and healthy relationship. Prior to being with him, I was in 3 year relationship with someone who i thought was 'the one' but I broke up with him because I was no longer happy and he wasn't good for me. I never would get back with my ex and nor do I even miss his company....BUT, for god's sake, why does he pop into my head about 3 or 4 times per day. Why does he enter my mind at all? We don't talk at all either. I finally am getting married to someone who I am meant for, but why does an ex keep entering my mind ...i just want to forget about him completely. I will feel like hell if I think of him on my wedding day. I feel like i'm psychotic or or I should go to hypnotism or something to get him out of my head. He is a good person but i don't miss him. I'm confused.
2006-12-21 15:15:24 · 16 answers · asked by bizarre 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
This happens to many girls when they are about to get married. It's nerves..plain and simple. Not really cold feet, just a touch of "am I doing the right thing?" Getting married is one of the biggest decisions you will ever make. It will effect the rest of your life and you're just nervous about it. Settle down and take a deep breath. It's going to be ok, you're going to be ok and your marriage is going to be ok.
I guarantee you that you won't be thinking about your ex on your wedding day. You probably won't ever think about him ever again.
Remember, there is a reason he is your EX. You might even subconsciously be feeling kind of sorry for him or guilty that you are moving on and have found someone you love and who rocks your world.
I'm so serious when I say IT'S JUST NERVES. Please, whatever you do, DO NOT mention this to your future husband or anyone else for that matter. You would never want this to get back to him. You'll see, trust me...it is the anxiety of making a lifelong commitment.
One of my best friends was getting married. She had these same silly thoughts about one of her ex's. She was freaking out, so much so, that on her wedding day, the wedding party was already walking down the aisle...it was my turn...I was maid of honor and the last one to walk down the aisle before her. She pulled my arm and said she wasn't sure she wanted to go through with the wedding. I turned around and told her that I would lose the heels, go grab my keys and she and I could be out of there in a matter of minutes with no one even knowing. She thought a minute, smiled through her tears and told me to get my *** down the aisle. We laugh about it now. She's happily married 12 years now.
2006-12-21 15:32:49 · answer #1 · answered by Riviera_ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You may not know it, but you do miss your EX. You said you were with him for 3 years and that is a very long time for being with someone. Even if you think that he wasn't good for you, there was something in that relationship and in your ex that keeps you connected to him. There may have been experiences that you shared with that person and they come up all the time that your mind just thinks of him automatically without you even thinking about him specifically. That chapter of your life is still open and you haven't completely ended your past relationship even though you two are not talking. Just because two people don't talk, doesn't mean their relationship ends. You two still care for each other so I think the best thing to do before you get married is to call your ex and just see whats going on so you can be at rest and be sure that you really want to marry your current boyfriend. Hope you figure things out soon...Good luck!
2006-12-22 01:03:28 · answer #2 · answered by Sush517 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, there is a past relationship that didn't work & now there is a pending marriage with someone else. I think it is normal to look back at the failed on & wonder if this really is going to work this time.
Besides, this is maybe just your mind's way of cutting him loose. Working things out for itself. I wouldn't worry about it. If you KNOW that you are TRULY doing the right thing & you TRULY love your fiancee & you are TRULY happy in your life & with your decision, then just let the storm pass. Get it out of your system... Then leave him & his memory behind...
2006-12-21 23:53:55 · answer #3 · answered by More Lies & More Smoke Screens 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he could be just the anxiety of marriage. the main thing is that you are overthinking your ex being in your mind. if you relax you will realize that you just feel like most people do. "is hje the right one? would I be happier with someone else? does he really love me?" and a million other little thoughts that pester people before marriage. don't worry about it though. you will feel very antsy and happy and worried and anxious and it will end when you are married. it just happens, you just have to calm down and stop stressing about your ex and if it means more then just a thought.
Oh yeah and congratualtions
2006-12-21 23:27:23 · answer #4 · answered by melloncollieromance 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your subconcious may be having second thoughts. Maybe your EX means more to you than you realize. You should resolve this in your mind before the big day. You should make that FINAL decision, and go that way and never look back. Once you cross that line you go forward. Good Luck.
2006-12-21 23:27:14 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honestly, it seems like typical pre wedding anxiety.
It is natural to have doubts, it is a large commitment, but as you said; you love this man, so presumably, you trust him.
You were hurt by this previous relationship, and have anxiety over making such a big commitment again............just follow your heart and stop worrying about idle thoughts so much.
Congratulations and Best Wishes for a Happy Marriage.
2006-12-22 01:57:55 · answer #6 · answered by Norton N 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it could just be nervousness with the wedding coming up.
You think back on him because of how long you were together but it didn't work so your mind is wondering why. and now you're about to make a major commitment. Nothing to worry about everyone goes through it in one form or another.
2006-12-21 23:21:16 · answer #7 · answered by gypse76 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't worry! During this whole wedding-planning time, it's normal to think about what you used to have. If anything, it makes you more appreciative of what you have now. (Would you really be writing on here about how happy and excited you are for the future if this very thing hadn't happened?)
It's happening to me too. No worries. You're not alone.
2006-12-22 03:57:26 · answer #8 · answered by Esma 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should pat yourself on the back for knowing this first guy wasn't meant for you and letting him go -- it opened the door for guy number 2 who you are going to marry. It's not unusual to think of prior loves, completely normal. Don't worry. That first person helped you to focus on what you really wanted in the person you would marry, and helped you to realize he wasn't it. Good for you for following through and saving yourself years of pain. Enjoy your new man and married life. Don't look back, look forward and be glad.
2006-12-21 23:19:49 · answer #9 · answered by brilliantyetconfused 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The fact that he keeps popping into your head suggests you may have some unfinished words or business with him. The fact that remembering him is making you angry suggest that you have some feelings or memories you don't want to face. What ever the reality is you have to address it before you get married. You owe it to yourself and to you hubby to be. Good Luck.
2006-12-21 23:28:00 · answer #10 · answered by tpbthigb 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋