I have been dating the same boy for 5 years. My parents don't like him. His family is pretty broken (which also means he has a hard time understanding my relationship with my family), he doesn't have a job and lives with his grandmother. But he's really good to me, we have fun together, support each other, talk to each other, and we love each other very much. We have a great relationship. We're talking about getting married eventually. My boyfriend doesn't like my dad because he says he is judgemental and anal about a lot of things, not to mention a bit pompous. But he's also my dad, and he is a good guy. My mom doesn't think my boyfriend is good enough for me and doesn't think I'm really happy with him. My sister loves him, and says he's like the little brother she never had.
I love my boyfriend, and I love my parents, but they don't like each other. What can I do to fix this? I should also mention that my boyfriend doesn't has given up on trying to impress them-- it never worked.
2006-12-21 14:18:41 · 20 answers · asked by ~*Bubbles*~ 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I feel I should clarify: my boyfriend is LOOKING for a job, but his availability is limited because he is in school. It isn't that he's lazy, he's just having trouble finding work.
2006-12-21 14:40:20 · update #1
Your parents are not the ones who might marry your boyfriend and visa verse. Both parties need to learn to get along as a way of expressing their love for you.
2006-12-21 14:23:08 · answer #1 · answered by Joe Prosnick 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you're not living at home with your parents, then do what you want. You can listen to your parents opinion, but ultimately it's your choice who you date. You're parents love you, and will come around in the end and be supportive. They only want whats best for you, and don't think this guy is it obviously! I would expect the boyfriend to respect your parents as well. It's hard to give respect when you're not getting it, but out of respect for YOU he should respect your parents. If you are young and still living at home, don't limit yourself to the same boy forever! You won't know what you're missing out on if you've been with the same boy since 14-15 years old. You parents may be right, they were smart enough to raise you, right?
Good luck
2006-12-21 22:54:12 · answer #2 · answered by rtlsimpson 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
the only time he will get your parents approval is when he learns to stand up on his own. like finally getting a job. yeah he might be a good man. but when you get married, what will that give to you? will he able to feed you just by loving you? how will he pay for all the expenses? you might say that you will take care of it. but trust me, there will come a time that you will tire out and will complain about him. and will eventually plan to dump him.
your parents are just concerned of what will happen to you when you marry this guy. as parents their main concern is to make sure you have a good future whatever your plans will be. and unfortunately, they don't see it in him right now. that's why they don't like him. and i agree that i don't think he should call your dad anal. is that the proper way to call your would be father-in-law? i think it show his lack of respect for your family.
2006-12-21 22:34:40 · answer #3 · answered by Coolitz 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If after 5 years they still do not like each other, I think it very slim that they ever will. My grandparents hated my Dad and said he was no good for my Mum, they have now been together for 34 yrs married 31, and when my Mums dad died a year ago he still hated my Dad. If you are truly happy you will be able to work through it. Good luck!!
2006-12-21 22:30:16 · answer #4 · answered by Weiners and Beans 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My parents have turned against my boyfriend too and i am close to my family and it gets on my nerves that they talk about each other to me and i get offended by both sides but my advice to you is to try to tell your boyfriend since you can probably get through to him a little easier that if he loves you he would respect the relastionship that you have with your family but even if he doesn't like them he still has to show them respect because they are his elders and your parents. you also have to tell your parents in a calm way that you love him and if they love you they will respect that. they don't have to love eachother or fake but just show respect to each other. but if you can't mend the broken relationship then just let it go. try to keep them away from each other if it is causing too much trouble. Good Luck and Merry Christmas!
2006-12-21 22:28:29 · answer #5 · answered by Mrs.Dennis 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your boyfriend needs to get off his butt and get a job. He's does not seem a responsible person and your father can see it and as he wants only the best for his daughter, he doesn't like your boyfriend. Eventually you'll see this too, even if you don't see it now and trust me by that time you might be in that relationship for the long run. You need to think, if you want to spend your life with a loser whom you're going to have to support. You'll never will have nice things or a house. Right now you'll say, that won't matter that's only material but when you get older and a bit wiser it will matter.
2006-12-21 22:27:36 · answer #6 · answered by Mightymo 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Once my dear mom & I were so much like enimies that I did a Japanese tea ceremony for her. Read James Cavell's Shogun about it. The man had a tea ceremony for his enemy. He served him in silence and admiration as this moment was the last moment one of them would be alive.
It worked. We were able to stop the bickering for a while. I did it in sincerity. Your dad will often revert to attempting to cower your boyfriend/tobehusband. Be thinking adult to his parenting and laugh with him not at him. It will be hard to practice this and you will get comfortable not thinking it will surface again but stay in there and remember he will want to be more in your eyes at any cost. Your man will too. It's a dominance thing and aggression men have. It's a primal instinct and you can learn to nip it in the bud with only adult responses... but you will have to practice.
2006-12-21 22:27:17 · answer #7 · answered by nanbeloved 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Your mother is right. A boyfriend who would call you father anal and pompous is not good enough for you. Dump him and find someone who has learnt the meaning of the word respect.
2006-12-21 22:20:57 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well I would say one thing, if they dont accept them now, they will either have to when you guys get married or they might never accept each other. Just give it more time, and it will either work out or not, just dont stress out about it, there is nothing you can do.
2006-12-21 22:22:45 · answer #9 · answered by My girls are my life 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well Just keep your mom and dad out of your love life with your boyfriend and maybe one day they will soon to like him I know how you feel though because my mom had never liked any of the guys i have dated before it like parents want to protect you even though you are not little anymore.....
2006-12-21 22:25:33 · answer #10 · answered by sexygirl4adam 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋