Another thing that I just don't understand...?

Question

I am not for or against spanking. I do not spank my own children but as long as parents are enforcing some sort of discipline it’s okay to me. While answering a question a few minutes ago I did realize something.

Many parents that I know who do spank, stop spanking at a certain age. For example; spanking would be considered embarrassing after the age of eleven. I do not understand how that is effective.

If you use a form of discipline only up to a certain point, how do you switch to non-spanking form of discipline? I don’t see how a child would take that seriously. In my mind a child understands his/her actions will lead to a form of correction. Example: When I do something bad, I get spanked. Then say at age 12 the parents deem spanking as unacceptable.

Wouldn’t that confuse a child when all of a sudden they only get privileges taken away? I would think before if they used fear in order to instill proper values and behavior then switching gears logically, would confuse them.

How can it become an unacceptable form of discipline after they reach a certain age?

Call me stupid but I just don’t “get” it. Thank you for your honest replies.

I guess becauseI was spanked when I was younger I didn't really take punishment seriously if there wasn't physical force behind it. That was what I was scared of; being spanked or hit. I didn't really care if I get privileges taken away as long as I wasn't spanked or hit. It may have just been me but that's how I felt. Does that make sense?

That's what I don't understand. If it's only the physical challenge then what makes it "okay" to hit someone who cannot hit back or use force against you?

I'm very saddened by the people who stated that *most parents stop spanking only due to physically difficulty. To me that clearly states that you only spank because a child is smaller and weaker then you. That is not right and in my opinion abuse and bullying if the only reason a person spanks a child is due to superiority. As I said, spanking can be an effective form of discipline but something just doesn’t seem right about it. I do feel that there are better forms of discipline out there then spanking. We just have to take the time to figure them out due to our own children's needs.

Answer 1

If they can respond to reason there is no need to spank--which, if it is to be used--should be used as a way to "embarass the child--not to physically HURT the child"

This disciplining process evolves--we don't just wake up one day and say "Today I'm no longer spanking my child" We discipline to correct a behavior and we want to find the most effective form of correcting that behavior.

At a certain point in the childs life--yes, maybe 11 or 12, he/she may respond to other forms of discipline and should you spank or hit your kid, it may turn to resentment and then anger and we definitely don't want that.

Answer 2

Of course spanking is embarassing after a certain age. By age 13, the child should know right from wrong. Taking away privileges is more effective than spanking. Teens value their ipods, video games, television, and hanging out time more so when you take it away, they feel the punishment for days. Whereas if you just spank your teen, it only lasts a couple minutes and frankly, teens don't fear spanking anymore either. If my mom threatened to spank me, I really wouldn't care anymore because I was spanked for years as a child and I know what the pain feels like, so I'm not afraid anymore.

Prior to being a teenager, children may disobey because they don't understand that it's wrong. They also fear the pain of spanking because they're not used to getting it.

No, switching from spanking to taking away privileges doesn't confuse a child. Just ask all of the kids that were spanked, including me. I don't even understand how it would confuse a child. It's simple. If a child does something bad, something bad happens to them, whether it be spanking or taking away privileges. As kids mature, others' reactions to kids must mature as well. For example, if a child does something good, parents may give him/her a gold star, but if a teen does something good, should his/her parents give him/her a gold star? ha ha. No, they might reward him/her with cash or something. Would swtiching rewards confuse the child/teen about values? No.

I also believe that it is ok to spank children. A lot of Asians do it to their kids and most of them turned out fine. Ha ha. Actually, on average, the Asians at my school score the highest on tests and help out in the community most. They were spanked. No harm done.

Answer 3

There are many types of discipline. I was always spanked as a child. When I got to be 12 I think, my parents stopped spanking me and then had begun grounding me. When you're little, it isn't so much that the spanking hurts, it's the tought behind it. Same with grounding. Not being allowed to go somewhere, talk on the phone, or have friends over is something that would make a 12 year old think twice before doing whatever they did wrong. Same thing with having your child stand in the corner for say 10 minutes. That's not going to affect a 16 year old as much as taking their most prized posession away; their car keys.

Answer 4

Here is what i think I was spanked till a certain age and had privileges taken away later. I think the thinking is when you are little you don't quiet understand being grounded or a time out, so you spank. When you get to be like a teenager and you can't watch TV talk on the phone go to the movies or a party that everyone is going to you understand that as a punishment.

Answer 5

I think some of it has to do with the maturity level of both the child and the parent. Spanking is sometimes referred to as a parent's temper tantrum, it's a way for them to get their way when they run out of wit. There are times, though, when I see it as completely appropriate for the situation given. As for "growing out of it," when a child is old enough to understand consequences for behavior, it doesn't make much sense to spank him when that will be five minutes of punishment, versus something like grounding him from the TV for a week, which will be a reminder as to what he did to receive the punishment. A younger child won't understand fully why the TV was taken from him when he breaks the kitchen window, but he'll understand that a spanking hurts and he'll get one since he hurt the window.

Answer 6

Spanking at age 11 or 12 doesn't become unacceptable, it becomes physically challenging. Most 12 years olds are nearly the same height as their mothers and as a Mom you are not going to get into a physical battle or challenge to get a discipline point across to a 12 year old who should know right from wrong. Swatting or spanking is a quick way to get your point across to a small child who knows that they are in trouble. At age 12, they will run, flip around, slam doors, and you will then have to make yourself take on a physical challenge to try to discipline at it not worth the battle at that age. Good luck being a parent is a privilege.

Answer 7

I am 49 and raised 3 happy healthy people. I did on rare occasion resort to spanking my children. However, I knew then and I know now that spanking is not for the benefit of the child. It is a socially accepted (less now thankfully) way for parents to show and vent their anger and frustration with their children. Simply put it makes ya feel better to hit your child on the bottom. It does not in my opinion teach the child anything positive and certainly does not help the child.

Answer 8

When your child is older you can tell them not to do something, and they get it , when theyre younger, they understand through physical contact better whether it be through spanking, or doing a hands on project. And as they get older, the dicipline can change...thats why instead of spanking, you ground the child. No phone, no going out etc. I spank my son lightly SOMETIMES when he knows that he shouldnt do something and does it anyway (the thing has to be serious) but its hard for me to do that. Either way, I explain things to him as well as I can and will get into more detail as he gets older.

Answer 9

I don't know any parents who only use spanking as a consequence. That to me would make no sense. We use all sorts of different punishments, including spanking.

I will never put a age limit on spanking, one only hopes their child grows out of needing them (as I did)

Answer 10

God knew each and every thing that grew to become into going to happen. He knew that devil could turn undesirable and that Adam and Eve could consume that apple even in the previous he created them. God knew that we'd reject him and yet he nonetheless created us. while Adam and Eve have been created they have been organic and suited yet that they had freewill. without devil there could be in straightforward terms one course to decide for and that must be God's course. God created devil to grant Adam and Eve yet an selection selection, if we did no longer have a call between God and devil then we does no longer possibly have freewill. "robotic" is the only selection to freewill. Freewill does no longer be freewill if it did no longer propose that we had the liberty to do something that we'd have cherished which comprise killing and raping. the main question is, why did God create us while he knew that each and every physique this could happen? think of you have a youthful newborn who's continuously rejecting you and entering into deep worry as much as the ingredient which you have no longer any administration over them. Then sooner or later that youngster attracts you a photo with the words i admire you written on it. isn't that childs rejection up till that ingredient well worth it just to have that 2nd while the youngster provides that photograph? Thats how God sees it, while somebody provides their existence to him, or prays, or worships him it makes each and every of the hatred and rejection well worth it.