I need some help and some good advice!!?

Question

I have a 5 year old girl and she is constantly talking back to me. She is out of control I never know what kind of mood she is in because she turns on and off like a switch. I know people say to spank her butt well that is not always the answer to everything. I have to taken her to a counsler and they dont know what to do. For example, tonight her and her brother were arguing and she kicked her brother in the private. Does this seem normal?? Please help me!!

Thank You for all the advice. I would like to add I am a single mom and her brother is gone with his father everyother week so her and I have plenty of time together by ourselves. I have tried the candy thing a x chart.

Answer 1

If she is always angry I would consider taking her to a psychiatrist instead of just a "counselor" to see if she has some sort of a mood disorder because being angry and "not knowing what she is going to do next," is not normal.

Answer 2

Honey, it's obvious she's thriving for attention. Mothers always get in a tuff when they think that they're not at fault... It's not a fault.... we tend to forget that they are just 5 and have a different personality than their sibblings. Spend time talking with her and doing 1 on 1 's with her.
Let her know that if she is good you will take her out to lunch the first Saturday of each month alone. Circle the date on the calendar and make it an event to look forward too. Throughout the month, have a sheet of paper on the fridge with her name with seven blocks following her name. Each day she is good, put a sticker on it. and the next line do the same. Have her look forward in putting stickers on - don't use this as a threat i.e., 'Your not going to earn a sticker'.
The 1st three days my daughter misbehaved a bit but got a sticker and the 4th day and thereafter received stickers because she was good. I to date have stuck to my promise in taking her alone to lunch.
As with adults, if you give your child positive feedback, the result will be positive. Negative will produce negative.
Good luck and have fun - they do grow up fast!!

Answer 3

Ok. What type of boundaries do you give her and are you consistent with it. Also this may not be the issue in this case but what is your lifestyle saying to the child, is she watching something on TV or listering to something on th radio that is not age appropiately.

Sounds like she needs to know that you mean business. I say sit her down and give her the house rules. Give her a warning, just one. Warn her what the effects her bad behavior will have if she doesn't comply with the house rules. You know children need lots of love, a bed to sleep on, nutritious food, water, clothing and education. Everything else is a luxury.

Answer 4

Yes, it seems normal. I teach prek and some of the children have so much rage. Does she know a healthy way to get rid of her anger? Does she have an outlet?

Instead of just getting mad and saying it is wrong maybe try and tell her what to do when she is upset or feels herself getting out of control. With one of the little boys I tell him that it is okay to be mad - I understand that it is frustrating to not get your way and that I don't expect him not to be upset. When he gets angry I expect him to tell the person, "I am angry. You are bothering me and I am telling someone." He then comes and tells me he is angry...I try to difuse the situation before it goes any farther. I don't take that time to point out that he may be in the wrong I just try to make him understand that I sympathize with the anger he is feeling. We will deal wtih the real issue once his temper has calmed down.

The other little girl I have knows that she can throw a tantrum if she chooses but she has to go on the other side of the room and shut the half door. Your daughter needs a place where she is allowed to go and throw a fit if she chooses. The rules are she cannot break anything and she cannot hit or abuse another person in anyway.
I tell this little girl that if she is mad she is allowed to cry, she is allowed to clench her fists to her sides, she is allowed to walk away but she isn't allowed to say hurtful things, yell, or be threatening. I taught her that when she is really upset she needs to go down to the bathroom use the bathroom, wash her hands and her face, and go and sit on the couch and calm down for a few minutes. Her own little time out. When she comes back she is alwasys fine.

Good luck! SD

Answer 5

u know what's so freakin frustrating? u wouldn't be in that situation if you'd started to discipline her when she was young...

my daughter isn't even two yet and obeys me better than a 5 year old...it's all about you taking control from the beginning and not letting your emotions get in the way when it comes to disciplining...

it's mothers like you and kids like yours that push me everyday to make sure that no matter how much it hurts, i will discipline my daughter so she doesn't turn out like your kid...yours is out of control and u have to teach her that you're the boss...it's gonna hurt and i know i cry sometimes after i've had to spank her, but u know what? i'm the mom with the kid that when in public, everyone ooooh's and aaaahhh's over her b/c she so good....i'm the mom that doesn't have to worry about her daughter embarrassing her in public...

i don't always spank, but u know why? b/c i've earned my daughter's respect at such a young age that a warning is usually all it takes...

Answer 6

She is vying for your attention by acting out. While her behavior is inappropriate and wrong, spanking will not work (although I do believe in spanking for certain offenses). Sit down with your daughter and work out a contract. You will have 2, one for good behavior which will carry a predeterimined reward and one for negative behavior which will carry a consequence such as a chore. If you stick to the contract, you will notice a difference in behavior. Consistency is key here and you must set the reward and consequence at a 5 year old level. My daughter can be mouthy...she absolutely HATES spinach. On her contract, if she mouths off to me, she has to eat a bowl of spinach! On the other hand, when she is respectful, she earns tokens which can be cashed in for money, a date with mom, or saved for later. Hope it helps!

Answer 7

Um you could try times outs, you could tell her if shes good you'll buy her candy, as well as a toy or something, you could sit her down and talk to her, or try putting her in her room for a little.. i'm not sure because i dont have kids but your right spanking your child isint the best way and sooner or later the'll become afraid of you.

Answer 8

Maybe there is something to do with her medical condition? Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD)?

http://www.webmd.com/hw/add_adhd/aa26260.asp

I would send her to her room. Let her be by herself in that corner to think about what she did. After she calms down, talk to her in a non-threatening voice and tell her why it is not acceptable to disrespect you and to kick her brother.

There are help on these website.

http://www.thetotaltransformation.com/theprogram.aspx?gclid=COyL2cmLpYkCFRMWFQodtVIxWA

http://attitudebox.com/parents.html

Answer 9

It sounds like she is wanting attention and this is the only way she seems to be getting it, by acting up. do you have special mommy time with her?? Does daddy do the same? Set up a special time during the day or even right before bedtime, and do something with just her. My husband spends 10 minutes with each of our 4 kids right before bedtime and reads them a story of their own choice, and talks to them about their day. with my 2 youngest, I spend time with them during the day one on one. With the 2 older its in the morning before school. Hope this helps. Good Luck.

Answer 10

May sound strange, but allergies cause all kinds of problems. It's not uncommon for children with food-dye allergies to become hyper-active and aggressive. Try taking her to an allergist. Also, be consistant in your parenting.