22 month old won't self feed?

Question

How can I encourage my 22 month to feed herself? She has the motorskills for it, she just doesn't have the desire and only wants me to feed her. She has never finger fed or spoon fed herself. I am getting tired of this and need suggestions. If I let her go all day without feeding her she just won't eat. I don't know what to do. She is normal in every way, but this. She gets mad when I ask her to do it herself. Thanks.

Thanks so much for all of the answers. I am taking a lot of this advice and today we are not feeding her. The food is put down in front of her and that's it. She's upset and crying and hasn't eaten a thing yet. Just milk. She's very mad at me, but still hugs me. I will post again when/if she starts to feed herself. Thanks so much!

Answer 1

Well, unfortunately you have to un-do what you have done. If she has the ability, then you have to back off so that she can do it herself. At first, she is going to have a difficult time,and be frustrated by the uncoordinated use of her arms and hands. But, this is how they learn, and she has learned to perpetuate a cycle of helplessness. Believe me, hungry children will not starve themselves. She is manipulating you. Set down her food, encourage her to do it herself, and if she is having real trouble, do it hand-over-hand. That means that you put your hand over hers when she is holding onto a spoon or picking up a piece of food to help her manipulate it to her mouth. Once she has done this with your help a few times, take your hand off and encourage her to do it alone. If she refuses, she is done with the food. Put it away. At the next meal or snack, try again. Hand-over-hand, and then alone. If she refuses again, stop the meal, say "All done" and put the food away. At least you will know that she got a few bites into her with your help (do no more than 3 at each session, or she's got you again) and that she won't starve. That will make you feel better, but if you truly want her to be able to do it alone, it may take a few meals of not eating anything, so be prepared. Children have a way of manipulating their parents when they don't want to do something. Food is an easy one, because parents know that food is important to a growing toddler, and often are concerned about eating issues. But, children will not starve themselves. They have enough self-preservation to keep from doing that- they can just be extremely stubborn. You have to out-wait her. Eventually, she will be too hungry, and will feed herself. One day without eating as compared to a lifetime of feeding her yourself.... balance it out- you don't want to have your child going to school with her mommy because she has to be fed by you... she needs to learn to do this alone. Toddlers are difficult to change behaviors in because they don't like change. They are extremely resistant to it. You have to be strong and patient as you go thru this change. Good luck!

Answer 2

Wow, she learned to maniplulate early didn't she. Talk to pediatrician so he knows about it, but he will likely tell you to just refuse to feed her........after a day or two she will feed herself. Yeah, shes gonna throw a fit, but tough. You give her maybe two bottles or glasses of milk for the day and leave the finger foods where she can get them. I gaurantee she will not let herself starve! If on the odd chance she does become ill, thats why I want you to talk to your doctor, then she just may get really pissed if she has to go into the hospital. If she doesnt' feed herself even when she is pretty much starving, that may indicate something else going on that the doctor can work with. I don't know how kids ever get to that point.....

Answer 3

Ditto some of the other answers. She will not starve to death & will eat when she's hungry enough. Jsut simply don't do something for her that you know she can & will eventually do herself. She's not stupid...if I was almost 2 & had someone else willing to feed me by golly I'd let them do it too. My girls were self feeding by 12-14 months old because I didn't give them much of a choice. I mean yeah I fed them when they couldn't or if it was something that was just too messy to let them do themselves, but if it was a finger food, they did it themselves or didn't eat. She has learned to 'play' mama already.

Answer 4

ask your pediatrician because i would suggest let her go w/o eating but as you said she will just not eat . My 12 month old is the exact opposite and won't let us feed her. she likes to do it her self. if i try to feed her something she spits it out and then picks it back up and feeds it to herself

Answer 5

Well I would let her skip a few meals to let her know that she is a big girl now and that she should feed herself. If it persists talk to your Pediatrician.

Best of luck and glad I only have to worry about the grand kids now..

Answer 6

Honestly, just put the food in front of her. Eventually she will feed herself because she will get hungry enough.

Answer 7

Try sitting with her and having HER feed YOU, then you reciprocate, make a game of it. You can have little games to see who can finish their jello the quickest, and find fun ways to get her to. I have a 4 year old who still wants me to "feed her like a baby" sometimes. The act of you feeding her must have been one way she bonded with you, but she will grow out of it. Just make it fun.

Answer 8

A child is not smart enough to starve them selfs she will eventually get hungry, keep offering it to her and she will eat once she realizes your not going to do it. Good luck

Answer 9

Then let her go TWO days without eating. Then try three. Then four.

Answer 10

Give her some chicken biskit's. Who's going to turn down a chicken biskit?