I am feeling like a horrible parent...I need advice on how to cope better...?

Question

Okay so my daughter and I are both sick....again she has an ear infection and I have a HORRIBLE cold. Well needless to say it was a real tough morning. I have NO sick time left at work (If I call in I'll get into trouble), and she just followed me around crying while I was trying to take a shower and get ready for work. She didn't want a bath, she didn't want to be held, she didn't want her cup (I had already given her medicine by this point), all I could do was let her cry until it was time to go. I am emotionally worn out. I am basically a single parent (My boyfriend who is not her dad lives with us, but he works long hours with little days off. He does help me when he is home even though I don't require him to. He's great with her I should add and way more of a dad to her.) I feel like I don't give her enough attention, there is always something that needs done (Work, laundry, cleaning, grocery shopping) I love her so much. I wish there were 2 of me to go around.

To Natalie: She has already been to the Doctor B I T C H!!!! The Doctor gave me some antibiotics, so it's a matter of time to just wait it out!!!! This is abvously NOT the first time she has been sick with an Ear Infection or I would have already HAD her in the ER!!! READ THE WHOLE THING BEFORE YOU TYPE A RESPONSE!!!!!

Thanks everyone for posting such wonderful answers. We are doing so much better this morning. The baby got me up early this morning. It was so cute, she turned on the radio and started to dance LOL (she's 16 months old). I took her hands and started dancing with her!!! Then we played for a while and had a good time. Thank you so much for the words of encouagement!!! Merry Christmas all!!!

Answer 1

Motherhood can be the most exhausting experience of one's life. I have been there, I do know how you feel. I don't think this is what you want to hear, but the way I see this is as such;
Jobs will come and go, but your child is forever. When a child is sick, they really need their mommy. They aren't capable of taking care of themselves, that is why they have parents. I understand the pull of the job, without it, you can't provide for your child. I get that, believe me, I do. As a parent, I also understand the need to seperate yourself from your sick child for sanity sake. Just try to remember that it's not forever. Your child will eventually get better and this will all have passed. But never send your child to school or daycare when he/she is so sick and miserable that they can't stop crying. It's unfair to that baby (even though those are the times that we need to get away the most). You are essentially a single parent, I am also in a similar situation and I do know how very hard it is. Just know the cooking and the cleaning and everything else can wait. Your child will grow up one day. Do you want her to look back and say "Wow, my mom kept a really clean house" or do you want her to look back and say "Wow, my mom was always there for me"? Not to mention, you will be sorry if you miss the opportunities of today. She won't be little for very long. Good Luck!

Answer 2

You are doing your best hun. Take a bubble bath, do something that will try to help relax you when you get a chance to. I know how it can get, I have a 14 month old son... and we all got sick around Thanksgiving- with a bad flu virus throwing up and everything... then 2 weeks later (I'm just getting over this), we got sick again- only a head cold. So I've been through this twice now- all of us- my son, me and my husband have all been sick twice lol... crazy! Anyways, it is very hard on you when you are really run down and not feeling well. So do your best, forget the laundry and cleaning for a couple of days, that will give you time to just rest and relax your body-you need it. Hold her when you can, read with her, try to do activities where you can just sit and relax. I know when I was very ill, I would lay on the couch while my son was playing (we have our living room gated off so all of his toys are in there and he can't get into anything he shouldn't... not sure of the age of your daughter), anyways that helps.

Just remember your house will always get dusty, you could dust one day and it'll be there the next... but your daughter and you time won't always be there, so enjoy it while you can :) If you find time to do some cleaning, that's okay... but you know, it's ok if something doesn't get done when you are sick and not feeling so great. It'll get done. I find sometimes I can't clean until my son has gone to bed because he'll just make a mess again lol This way I can relax and play with him.

You are doing your best! You sound like a great mother. I don't know why some people on here are so harsh. Ignore them!

Goodluck, and feel better! Happy Holidays!

Answer 3

I know what it's like to be a single parent. I was a single parent for a couple of years, until I married a man in the military. Now I have three more kids, and I still play Mom and Dad when he's gone. There are times when I feel neglectful of my kids too. I hate trying to load the dishwasher while my 18 month old twins are crying, and my 7 year old is trying to do his home work. The thing is, you can't let everything go at the drop of a hat. There are still things that you HAVE to do, regardless of how the two of you feel. I got sick not too long ago, and I seriously wanted to keep my 7 year old home from home, if only to occupy the younger three. Of course, that wasn't the best thing for him, so I had to down some dayquil and make the best of my day. It's just a cold, it will go away sooner or later. When it does, be sure to spend some extra time cuddling your little girl. Her ear infection will go away too, with her antibiotics. (Be sure she finishes them all, or it will come back.) It might be a tough couple weeks, but it will pass.

One day you're gonna look back on this and wonder why it all went by so fast!

Answer 4

First of all-You are not ahorrible parent--it is tough and i know you have had days when you feel you are the best parent ever--this is just one of those days where you need to be strong-be the mom and always tell yourself that you are always doing what is best for her--yeah she is in pain and yeah she may not want you to touch her because she is just irritable--like you yourself said it is just a matter a time before the antibiotics kick in and then she will be better-- i am not a single mother, but i have a 2yr old girl and a 3yr old boy and they get ear infections at the same time and like you my husband works really long hours so i sometimes feel like i am a single mother and it gets really hard on me to deal with both--all you need to do is give her all that you can and be there for her when she is ready to come back and play--give her tons of fluids-jell-o, juice, water and baby her as much as you can--the pain will go away and she will remember that it was you who helped her feel better--NATALIE you remeber the pain maybe because you still get ear infections not bc you got them as a baby and just because you are stuck on pain does not mean others are too--

Believe me i know it is hard--but you are doing the best that you can and looking for advice is a good thing--i always wanted someone that would help me with my doubts--don't worry and don't give up!!!

Answer 5

I agree with the answer who suggested you get her involved with the chores- apparently I was really happy following my mom around with a can of pledge and a duster right from when I could walk. Make the chores into a game that she could join in with...have her help you push the hoover around, I dunno, get creative.

My daughter, who is 19 months old, has always helped clean the table after she has eaten there, she is happy to help, and there are other things that she likes to do, you just have to figure out what you can do with your daughter.

I'm sorry that you are both feeling poorly, I hope that you recover soon.
I find it incredulous that your employers put a limit on how many times you can be ill by saying that you have no sick days left...is this even legal? I'm just asking because I'm curious and would like to know.

I doubt that you are the only one thinking that you would like another one of you...I sometimes do this and I'm not a single mom- although I do feel like it sometimes because my partner has a whole spectrum of health problems that incapacitate him for days on end- bless him!
My point is that you aren't alone in feeling frazzled- embrace your emotions and don't feel guilty for the things that you think :)

♥Merry Christmas♥

Answer 6

Sounds like you are really stretching it thin. Do you really like your job or could you find one you liked better? Will the really nice almost daddy let you work less hours a week and help you out?You don't say how old your litttle girl is, but if you can give a lot of yourself to her while she is small she will be happier and more well adjusted. When my daughter was little, I started getting up an hour earlier so that I had time for something I wanted to do, either housework or just a little time for myself. It seemed to help. You are already working, so the time you have with her in the evening is doubly important. Good Luck.

Answer 7

HUGS! You're not a bad mommy! My daughter had horrible ear infections too and I have horrible migraines during my period. My fiance was out of town one week while I was on my period and the baby got an ear infection. We spent the entire weekend in our bed her screaming and crying and me seeing flashing colors and cringing everytime she even whimpered. I totally understand your position. Even if you've dosed her with the antibiotics and the tylenol they still don't feel good and there's just not a thing you can do for her. You do what you have to do to keep food in her belly and a roof over her head. In the long run it's better that she be cared for than you spend every moment with her. Being a working mommy does not make you a bad mommy in any way! I hope you both feel better!

Answer 8

Sorry to hear of your situation.

This may sound very strange but I know it to be a fact ...

Depending on the type of problem your daughter has, this is worth a try. Blow smoke into her ear from a few inches away.

Told you it was different! It has something to do with changing the pressure in the ear! I do not know more than that and that (for some ear problems) it does work. Your childs doctor can look into this more or you can Google it.

If you don't smoke, I'm sure you know someone who does!

As to your cold ... I can't help much now but next time look into a homeopathic medicine called "Oscillococcinum" made by BOIRON. Google this too! At the very first sign of a cold or flu, let this (sugar) desolve under your tounge (every 6 hours).

The stuff should not (IMHO) work but it does! Can be found online or at many pharmacys for $8 - $15 or so. I always keep some handy!

Hope this helps!

The Ol' Sasquatch Ü

Let me know if the smoke thing Does NOT work for you.

--------

As an afterthought check here ...

http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&sa=X&oi=spell&resnum=0&ct=result&cd=1&q=earache+remedy,+blowing+smoke+into+the+ear&spell=1

Answer 9

i am a single mother, so i feel you on the wishing you had more time to play with her. here is what i do. sometimes you just gotta let chores go. when you can't, get her involved. my 2 year old son loves to help me do everything. laundry, taking out trash, dusting, sweeping the floor. you can turn grocery shopping into a learning experience. my son has a crazy obsession with numbers right now. so when we are shopping (or well anywhere) we look for numbers. you didn't say how old your daughter is. if she is a little older, maybe get her involved by reading labels and nutrition facts together, so that she can help chose the best product. my son and i turn everything into a game.

Answer 10

being a single mother and expecting another i know exactly how you feel. I hate to see my lil boy sick because its so hard when there is nothing i can do to help him and let it run its course. I often find myself tireds when i pick my son up from daycare and when i do have the engry after supper i have to clean. My little boy knows however that i love him very much ..when im done at the end of the day even if we just lay togther and watch his shows or mine and it is very satisfying to him also i let him help me with chores and he enjoys it because we do it together such as him holding the dustpan while i sweep or gathering the dishes to be washed....maybe you could incoperate your daugheter into these routines in order to spend more time togther