How do I start my life again at 31?

Question

I know I have a brain. I have also the capacity to earn good money doing freelance work (e.g I can earn £800 in 5 days work). I want to start out again. I have zero confidence in myself as a person. I was thinking of going back to uni ....and doing another a course. I always loved art and writing. I am unsure really what to do though...as I am not on the property ladder either. Unsure if I should spend the next few yrs ....collecting money together to pay mortagage...if I work full time....within 5 yrs I think I could clear a £200K mortagage. But unsure if I need to forget this...and just rent and concentrate on my self esteem. My family expect me to be married but I feel I am not happy with me to be married yet. I know I am not happy cos I am obese and end up falling in love with MSN contacts. I also want to travel....but have no one to do it with.

I am 31 and live with my family but want tomove out. A few yrs ago I self harmed a lot, and got obessed with a man 26 yrs older than

me. Last yr I went back to uni to do a masters but hated it...as Iwas obese and felt so out of touch. I really wanted to work ...and just felt too grown up to be mixing with 20 somethings although all lovely people.

I Just don't know know what to do. I have no idenity ...I know I can be a lot more ...both in looks and get success in the arty subjects...like art and writing...but I am so confused. I have a mother who just won't drop the subject of marriage ....so I want to leave! So what would u do in my shoes.....

Answer 1

1) Counseling
2) Find a roommate your own age
3) don't worry about the mortgage issue, figure out how to have a nice day today. Then tomorrow and then for a while.

Obsessing about real estate is not going to help. Focus on one thing that is good and make it grow. Start getting up from the computer and walking. Then start talking. Weight is a symptom but the release of movement can help.

Good Luck.

Answer 2

Firstly forget what all these naive people are telling you and realise that there is nothing wrong with you
you are you, and that is not a crime none of us is perfect in either body or soul so don't beat yourself up we all have self doubts and often are down and out but what I suggest for you is look for the practical side of life for the time being
If you can clear a £200k mortgage in 5 years you must go for it girl
Along the way you will be on a roller coaster ride of emotions but for a while put yourself and your needs first
Don't look to Uni or suchlike as at this time it is like running from your problems choose to put your finances in order which will give you security for the future and you will see your confidence and self esteem grow plus once you start on a positive road you attract others and situations of a similar ilk
In a year or so you will be a different lady believe me
Good luck

Answer 3

Lordy, you expect us to sort that lot out? Right we'll move onto the crux of the matter in a mo, but if you think you can earn £200K in 5 years, I don't see the point of going to Uni and getting all Arty, only to find you can't make any money from it. If you have the skills to earn good money now, do it, yes a house of your own at 31 would be a given, so look at doing that, but none of this is going to sort your mess out is it.

You're obese and not happy, which is good, I'm overweight, and I hate it, but I pity the people who convince themselves that they are happy and say big is beautiful, as that's a pile of crap. Finding comfort in being fat is finding excuses not to lose it.

I started swimming again last year, and I've been going the gym for a few months now, and feel great for it, I'll be another year before I'm happy with my body, but boy do I feel better.

But I was ready for doing that, and I've stuck at it, joining a gym and not going because you don't like it will only make you feel worse. You'll have to want to lose the weight, and no-one here is going to make you do that, you'll have to do it for yourself. And a diet is NOT the way to go, as that will only make you feel worse, you need to exercise, that way you can still eat stuff you love and get fitter.

I wish you well.

Answer 4

ok, move out first. you have to or you will never move on.

don't give in to pressure to be married and don't worry about a mortgage for now. just rent until you are sure you know what to do.
but you definately don't want to be renting all your life so try and keep a little bit of savings.

ok also give up the msn stuff.... completely. no more not atall. it might be real people but its not real life.

so you like to travel? do what I do and travel alone, you will meet new people as you do and maybe find real love.

usually 2 or 3 times a year i set off, i buy a cheap plane ticket and choose an interesting destination, i just turn up with little or no research into the place and just see what happens.

have you considered doing some voluntary work in another country? this could be for you, see a charity and they can usuall help. you don;t have to go to africa or anything, there are people needing help a lot closer to home.

Answer 5

Awww babe, listen you are only 31 yet you talk like you are too old to start over. You are still young and so capable to start the new life that you deserve. I think you should work on your self esteem first before thinking about material things, that will come later.

For your self esteem to build you need to move away from your family, i dont mean cut them out of your life but move far enough away so that you can run your life and not your mother who wants you to do things to make her happy, not you.

I think going back to uni would be good for you because not only can you do coarses in the things you love doing like writing and art but while you are there you can meet new people and make friends, not everyone at uni is in their twentys.

Another thing is most universitys have a gym in them, i know this is scary because of your confidence but i really feel you should get some professional help so that you can start living a healthier lifestyle. The fact that you are still staying with your parents and not doing anything is why you are falling for guys on the net and obsessing over guys way too old for you becasue you are trying to find something like self harm or someone like the older guy to fixate on instead of living in the real world, which at the moment you dont like being in.

I know most of the things i have said you probably already know but sometimes hearing it from someone else can help you get a little perspective and actually take charge of your life. No one else can do this for you babe, you are a smart woman so get out there and get that life you want and the life you deserve.
Good luck babe xxx

Answer 6

Here are some ideas from another 31 year old:

-Keep the job that makes you money and that you know how to do. Both are good for self-esteem.
-Take some art and writing courses on the side. Test the waters before diving in with both feet.
-Exercise regularly. It will feel like torture for a while, but you've got to do it if you want to lose the weight. Get some good music or books on CD to help you. Not only does losing the pounds improve your confidence, but exercise is a good antidote to stress and depression. Also, take all fast food and sugary drinks out of your diet.
-Just rent until you get all your other stuff sorted out -- house maintenance is a pain
-Tell your mother to shut it about marriage. I have to do the same sometimes. (She'll get grandchildren when she goddamn well gets them. End of discussion.)
-Don't live with your parents. They'll drive you batty.

Answer 7

I have so much respect for Pod's answer, Being slightly over weight myself, I find it hard to step in a gym as I think everyone os laughing at me. - I'm only 12.5 stone.

We all have our own discomforts, I want a mortgage, but cannot afford one, I was to go to Uni, but feel I am too thick, although Iam not.

Look at the positive things in your life and work on from there. You have a mother who obviously support and loves you. Ask her what she feels, have a heart to heart and ask her how she feels you could improve.

You can afford a mortgage, there for I don't see the point of going back to uni. You are Rich enough, have you ever considered starting up your own business, This is also a great confidence boost, as you will need to meet new people.

You don't say what you hobbies are, but find a club that supports your favourite hobby. Say for example, you like to read books, go and join a book club. This is the perfect place to both increase your social skills, but for men to get to know you for who you really are, and not for your looks. People find there ideal partner more from this type of event than clubbing/pubbing.

You say you want to lose weight, do something you enjoy, I know i wouldn't enjoy the gym, so I don't go, but I do like cycling and take that up, whenever i can.

You are not yet ready, to live on your own, after living with you parents for so long, so take a holiday first, somewhere in the Uk, rather than abroad. Hire a caravan somewhere, get to feel what it is like to live on your own, without your parents for a week. If you liked that taster, decide to move out.

Hope that helps, let me know how you get on. But remember, not every lad likes thin women. You will be suprised how many go for the more robust women.

Answer 8

Silly girl, you don't "start your life again" if you've never really started it. You need to get your head sorted out and be comfortable in your own skin before you worry about getting married, and if you're not happy with yourself, you need to figure out what it will take to get that way. Being happy is not an end result. It's a constant path and mostly a state of mind. Decide what you want, write it down then go for it. When you have the accomplishments under your belt, you not only have the benefit of the experiences you gleaned while on your journey, but the satisfaction of knowing you did it your way...and it was good enough.

Answer 9

Sounds to me like you could use some professional help. A psychologist or a therapist could help you work on your self esteem issues.
One thing I know from experience is working out to improve your self image does wonders to improve you self esteem. Go to the local gym and make an effort to change your life. It is not going to change for you. You have to make it change.
Also, you noted that you are obese. The most important thing you can do is going to the gym, as it will improve your whole health situation. The other things will start to follow when you are healthy.

Answer 10

Pick up all the pieces of your life that you don't like and trash them
Start a new puzzle.
take the pieces one by one and make your life better.
If you really are tired of the ways things are , you will do better,
Go back to school. It will give you self confidence and you won't
be dwelling on your troubles.
be all you can be ...
Refrain from on line contacts and start putting all your attention
and effort into your new life style.31 and not married is no big deal.
Show your self and your parent's you can and did make a better
life for your self.
You may make friends at college. If so. ask them to travel with you..