im in a relationship with the best guy in the world and im so lucky to have him he treats me so well but my past still haunts me a bit.I had two very bad relationships where both guys were alcholics and i was physially and mentally abused , im very insecure and dont see why my guy is with me and that he could do better,it upsets him when i put myself down so that upsets me i need help to overcome this, please help me.
2006-12-21 09:35:57 · 27 answers · asked by shadow 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
You need to find out who you are as a person and stop lookig to others to define who you are or to make you feel good about yourself.
I was very shy in high school and a loner. I became very outgoing in college, the life of the party in my 20s and now a recluse again in my 30s.
You are probably very artistic and intelligent - and unfortunately, intelligent people sometimes need to find a strong outlet for themselves to prosper within. I paint alot, I worked out alot in my 20s, I love pop culture and museums. I love to go exploring in new cities and hiking. You were also very hurt, and you need to know when to ask for help (counseling) if outside activities can't help the healing process enough.
There is alot to do, but you are going to have to force yourself to go out and try new things either alone or with someone. I had to do alot on my own to grow as a person. You may also want to join a support group or therapy that would be able to do things to help you define yourself and learn more self-reassurance.
I can tell you are smart because of the way you worded your question and you have great grammar and typing skills.
It will happen slowly, but you may have to fight for it as I do, but you need to start putting yourself in situations (musuems, organizations, coffee shops, libraries, sports, etc.) - that can help you learn who you are and what you like and don't like and then foster those strengths.
Defining who you is hard, but the hardest part is trying. Don't look to a guy to make you happy or you will never feel happy.
2006-12-21 09:41:58 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Try to relax and enjoy the fact that you now have a descent guy. Your past relationships should not still haunt you. They were alcoholics and that was not your fault. No matter what they said. Do not buy into all the abuse they put you through. Think about this "there must be something great about you because you have landed the guy you are with now. and if he is as great as you say, he wouldnt want anyone bad or damaged so to speak". Just enjoy and have a happy life.
2006-12-21 17:41:11 · answer #2 · answered by tatersma1 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I suggest you and your boyfriend take a long vacation in some other part of the world where no one speaks English or any other language u speak.It'll be just about the two of you, and I think that would help you realizing that he is there for you.
Plus, having such a bad experience, twice, doesn't make it in no way your fault. Think of this new relationship as life being fair to you again and giving you the kind of guy that you actually deserve. And a chance to start over, so don't miss that chance.
2006-12-21 17:47:34 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel for you! Why,well cause ive been there in fact still am as a matter of speaking.My past is very dark,although i dont consider myself a bad person but somehow i did some real bad stuff ,specially to myself,sometimes when i think about it im amazed that im alive.Until a short time ago i used to put myself down and rejected anything good that came my way thinking that i dont deserve it.But after a lot of soul searching i finally came to the conclusion that no matter what happened in the past i too am a child of this universe and beyond a who;esome discipline i should be gentle with myself,and lo and behold,it worked!
So be gentle myfriend,feel free to IM me if u wish,we can discuss this.
2006-12-21 17:47:21 · answer #4 · answered by ytee 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hi sweetheart, you can overcome this, you have to remember that alcoholics have a mental health problem, it is seen as an illness and rightly so. the symptoms of which can often be abuse. You did not cause it, it was not your fault, you did well to stand it at all. Its an illness that many fall into, would you blame yourself if a partner got acne, no!! come on you have done well to get rid, and now if you really are in a loving relationship remind yourself that we only live once its not a rehearsal and get some fun in you life. xx
2006-12-21 17:39:42 · answer #5 · answered by suzie1968uk 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know what you are talking about, trust me. I just got out of a bad relationship and started another one with an amazing man with whom i've encountered some of the same problems you are talking about with your relationship. My ex was mentally abusive to me, too. Let me tell you one thing..if your guy didn't wanna be with you, he wouldn't be. That's one key thing you have to remember. When you are mentally abused, it really messes with your self esteem and makes you think very poorly of yourself. You have to remember that what happened in the past is exactly that..it's the past. This is your new beginning..your chance to move out of that past and start over. You have to remember that you are a strong person for getting out of those past relationships and taking a step forward. Whenever you start to think down of yourself, remember how strong you are and go to your guy for emotional support..that's what he's there for. That's what I do and let me tell ya..it really helps! Just remember you are a good person and deserve the guy you're with, the one that treats you well. And hold your head high and be proud of who you are!! Hope my advice helps!
2006-12-21 17:50:29 · answer #6 · answered by ♫Joshua's~♥~Girl♫ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Been there a couple of times and know how you feel. Try to put your past behind you and just think of the future with this wonderful guy you have met. Life's too short and you can't change the past! but you can work on your future. Try your best not to compare your guy with previous relationships. Good Luck. xx
2006-12-21 17:58:05 · answer #7 · answered by RUTH M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Find love for yourself. You can embrace now and leave the past. You don't want to regret pushing this wonderful man out of your life because of the past jerks. Decide now that you are not going to let them influence your current relationship. Talk about the pain from the past. Get it all out. And then keep walking. Never look back. Hold onto the man you have, and show him how much you appreciate him. (It doesn't matter why he chose you, he did, now live with it, he loves you)
2006-12-21 17:39:28 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to seek counseling because you have been through a lot with two abusive relationships that it made you now be not so trustworthy when it comes to men. Not all men are alcoholics and abusers; there are some very good men out there, and I believe you have one, that deserve a woman's trust.
2006-12-21 17:39:41 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, STOP putting yourself down. It is very, very, VERY important that you realize your true potential and that you are a very special person. No matter how much he loves you, he might still be tempted to take advantage of your feeling of self-worthlessness. So start thinking good about yourself. You are deserving of THE BEST. He is deserving of THE BEST. If you're the best for him, that's it. CASE CLOSED!
Seriously, get over that spirit of worthlessness NOW!!!
Good luck, honey!
2006-12-21 17:40:07 · answer #10 · answered by ღQueenღ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋