Ladies,what do you think of having a relationship w/a man who has children?

Question

I've been going out w/my boyfriend for awhile now.He and I love each other very much but the thing that bothers me the most is that I cannot have children w/him. He has daughters of his own 5yrs and 8yrs old.Their mother brain washes them saying that I'm a bad person. She doesnt even know me! My boyfriend just gets upset fr all the lies and selfish ways of her. Don't get me wrong, I like my boyfriend's daughters very much. The way my life is right now not having kids of my own is rough on me. I would adopt but I'd rather have one w/the one I love. The ex doesnt want the kids around their dad because of me. I know thats not right. I'm not trying to be a mother to them at all. I feel that since the ex is being so cruel,to me I feel like I dont want to even be around when my boyfriend has the girls w/him. I feel that I'm in the way& I dont want 2b around or pursue our relationship. Its like its me or the kids. Do any of u feel like me? What should I do? I'm CoNfUseD!

Answer 1

My bf has full custody of his 5 yr. old, I'm lucky though, the mom is out of the picture. Very sad for the child though. Mom pops up every now and then, makes promises to the child then doesn't keep them. I've spent more time with the child in 2 years than mom has in 5.
You've got a tough situation, the kids are there to stay. If you want kids of your own, and know you won't have any with him, you need to make a decision of what is more important to you. You could find yourself resenting him/yourself for giving up on having your own child somewhere in the future.
And you don't really say how he deals with the ex and her feelings towards you, does he stand up for you? Do the kids believe what she says to them about you? Kids aren't stupid, they "know" a lot more than they really realize. I wouldn't avoid the kids if I were you, I would prove her lies wrong.

Answer 2

Something has to change for it to work is what I am hearing you say.
I would think some of these things:
1)your boyfriend needs to put his foot down (tell the ex that if she don't can it, he will bad mouth her to the kids)
2)you really want kids, and so I don't think you'll be happy with him, unless he compromises on this.. at least one kid (I have learned the hard way... do not EVER give up your dreams for a man, no matter how great he seems at the time)

Answer 3

Don't worry girl. It takes a special person to help raise someone else's kids. Just let your boyfriend's ex talk all the smack she wants, and be normal self to the girls. Eventually, they'll see that their mom is full of it, and then they'll warm up to you big time. My step-son (who I call my son) was in the same boat as them. His father (or sperm donor as I call him) would always dog us out, especially me. We never said nothing bad about him or nothing, and eventually, my son seen the way his dad was acting. I wish you the best of luck.

Answer 4

To be honest with you, Seek God on this one and he will show you want you need when you at least expect and once he does be able to handle the outcome only advice you need is God because his baby mama will do him like that whether he is with you or someone else just mess thats all hold your head up and press on.

Answer 5

I would get out of this relationship. If you want kids you shouldn't have to give that up for this fool. Sounds like he isn't even trying to include you in his life. You don't need all this baggage.

Answer 6

If I were you and if you loved him I would cut it off because all you going to have is babymama drama. It is just going to keep going and going to you stop your relationship with him. Be smart dont make him chose you over his kids you wouldnt want him to do that to you would you?