getting over hate or dislike?

Question

I have an uncle who is having open heart surgery and my mom wants me to take her go see him well in the past he had made a threat about killing me and I have not gotten over what he said. Especially since he just got out of prison for killing someone well since he has been out he is suppose to be some born again christian, but for him to continue to say that he will kill someone even if it is just words just to scare someone makes me feel a little uncomfortable around him. I truly dislike him and do not trust him, but he is my mom's brother. She wants to see him, but I can't seem to clear my mind of his evil ways which possibly put him in the hospital.... How do I forgive him and move on? He pretends to be a preacher and I know he is not sincere......

Answer 1

You will have to ask God to remove the bitterness and to let you understand your uncle better. He may guide you in a direction of reconciliation and He may agree with you. At any rate if he is in the hospital your mom would be safe seeing him and maybe you could drop her off and pick her up in an hour.
Has he asked for forgiveness and spoke of how wrong he was threatening you that way? If not then perhaps you are right about him.
Also in the bible it says to pray for our enemies and that has changed my mind about people in the past or at least allowed me to forgive them.
It is hard for us all to forgive but it is right that you want to. And just because you forgive him doesn't mean you have to trust him as God says it is not possible to really trust people that he is the only one worthy of trust.

Answer 2

Dont go! Its very clear your scared of him and for good reason. Your mom cant make you see him period. She should respect your feelings about him. Being born again means nothing. It actually looks good for the authorities. Killing someone is something you can never come back from. Even a solider who takes a life in the line of duty is never the same person again.

Honestly i would keep as far away from him as i can. You have no good reason to forgive him either.

Answer 3

Forgiveness and forgetting are two different things. You can forgive him and never see him again. You have a right to feel the way you feel, your feelings are there for a reason. Forgiveness means that you are not holding on to the past but that does not mean that you have to ignore your intuition now when it tells you not to trust this person. If your mom wants to see him that's her choice let her find another ride or find one for her.

Answer 4

Hi Mystie,
This is certainly a frightening circumstance for you and I am very sorry you have to deal with it sweetie, however you may be able to deal with it just fine without putting yourself at risk or hurting your mom's feelings.

First of all hate hurts you hon. Whenever we hate anyone we hurt ourselves, so it is important for you to stop hating. Hate arises from fear, so you will need to consider what you are really afraid of and whether it is still reasonable to be afraid of that now.

If you have any reason to believe you should still be afraid then you have to go to someone for help. They may be able to help you resolve your fear, or if you are really at risk they may be able to keep you safe. This is not something you can do all by yourself. We sometimes need an objective person to help us work these things out and take responsible action if neccessary.

If you have confided in your mom about your fears, and especially, about what your uncle said to you and she isn't listening or just doesn't 'get it' you will have to find someone else in the family or see a school counsellor for help.

I know it's scarey to go to someone else for help hon, but which is scarier finding someone to help or your uncle?

I really hope your mom can help you Mystie, but it's possible she is too blinded by love for her brother to give you a fair hearing. Give her the respect to try with her first though, and see if she hasn't changed enough to listen to your fears seriously and help you feel safer in this scarey situation.

Sometimes people really do change in prison and that's what your mom is probably hoping, but you are entirely justified to have doubts. If you have seen your uncle since he got out and you still believe he is a threat to you then you absolutely must get help hon. One way or another you can be helped, either to manage your fear if your uncle is really safe now but you can't trust him, or to keep you safe if he is still a serious threat; probably a little of both approaches is what is required right now.

Get help Mystie, don't try to deal with this alone.

Answer 5

Tell your mother how you feel and ask to be excused from visiting him. Forgiveness does not entail putting oneself in danger. Your mother obviously trusts him, although you feel his conversion is not genuine. Your mother probably wants to think the best of her brother and may be in denial about evidence of his insincerity. Ask that you be allowed to visit another relative or friend while your mother is away.

Answer 6

Sounds like I'd stay away from him if possible. You can forgive him without having to endanger yourself. Have someone else take your mom instead of you.

Answer 7

It is not wrong to be angry at someone like this, but I would respect my mother’s decision.

Just drop her off and then go look around in the gift shop until she is done. You don’t even need to go see him yourself. The fact that you don’t want to be around him is healthy and understandable. I wouldn’t either.

Answer 8

Once you're next to him at the Hospital, "accidentally" pull the plug on that ************* asshole!!

Answer 9

Take her but stay outside. You don't have to see him.