I met him at work and he was miserable in his marriage. He left her but never bothered filing paperwork to start a divorce. He went to his parents and then came to live with me and I got pregnant. Now I am seeing many ways about him that I don't like. He cannot support himself to say the least. He's not too intelligent and I need to always explain everything to him many times. He is very nice and wants to be there for me and the baby but these are issues that have driven me away. However, he begs for me to give him a chance to work on the things that are ruining us. His incapability of supporting himself is my biggest pet pieve. I have another daughter whom I have raised on my own and seem to be set in my own independant ways. A non-independant man is a huge turn off. Should I suck it up and keep him around since he IS nice, and nice guys are hard to find, or should I do things the way I usually wind up doing them.. alone.. ?? I need some adivce.
2006-12-21 06:38:19 · 27 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
His niceness will annoy you after a while. We women tend to settle for whatever dude sticks around. Don't settle. If you can make it alone. Do what is best for you. Kids and lazy bf's don't mix. Good luck.
2006-12-21 06:43:00 · answer #1 · answered by cutencurley_05 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Single mom here - finally had a boyfriend move in with me when my son was 5 and I totally relate to the whole turn off when a man can't support himself - grow up already! Anyway, I think you need to ask yourself "am I in love with this man"? If you are, set some rules right away and give it a try but PLEASE don't stay with this man just for the sake of the baby. I knew my son's father (also someone I worked with) and I wouldn't work when I got pregnant after dating him for only 1 1/2 months and didn't want to force a relationship and now things are great - no bad history and we get along fine. Good Luck and Congratulations! :)
2006-12-21 14:50:36 · answer #2 · answered by Cari 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are the one having to support him, then how are you going to make it when the baby comes? Maybe you guys can try to work it out IF he can keep a steady job, otherwise I say have him move out while you work on the relationship.. and see how that goes. I am not one to give up on a relationship, but there are tiems where some distance may help.. either it will bring you close or be the end
Is this possibly what was going on in his marriage? That may be what the demise was for them too.
Good Luck to you in what you decide and with the new baby :)
2006-12-21 14:44:31 · answer #3 · answered by jzgermany 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You don't need that guy. He sounds like the guy my sister almost married after she got knocked up (except he wasn't married anymore). Either way, you are better off on your own. Otherwise you will be raising two kids as a single parent. Your baby and your "lover". Being nice doesn't cut it...I'm nice and you are not going to invite me into your bed, right? He has to be more than that. I think you already know the answer...go with your gut on this one. You will thank yourself after you get over the idea of being alone (which isn't all that bad).
2006-12-21 14:42:51 · answer #4 · answered by CPT Jack 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Life's too short to be miserable. So if you really don't think you want him around then get rid of him. Don't just do it for the new baby on the way, that will be unfair to the baby to come into a relationship where the mom and dad are nice but not in love, what does that teach the baby.
2006-12-21 14:40:53 · answer #5 · answered by Melissa C 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your first mistake was allowing a married man to move in with you and your daughter. You are teaching her to set low standards for herself. Your second mistake was getting pregnant by a MARRIED man. You are once again teaching your daughter the wrong values.
Nice guys are everywhere. They aren't hard to find. A nice who's single and employed isn't hard to find either.
You know what you need to do. So do it. You are putting up with a man that's not so bright on top of supporting him. That's very stressful. He's married, dumb and broke. What do you think you should do?
2006-12-21 14:47:02 · answer #6 · answered by Inez 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You don't need advise honey! You need a restraining order! Get that tired, non-supporting @ss man out of your house. And if you're not to far gone with your pregnancy, ABORT! What is wrong with our young people now of days? What's wrong with you? Damn I made some mistakes. I'm not perfect! But I was smart enough to learn from them. Girlfriend I really didn't mean to tell you to abort because to me it is against God's law. However, if you do believe in it, get rid of it. That baby will tie you and that man together for the rest of your life. Kick his @ss to the curb and get back on track with your daughter by living on a positive note. Girl let me just write this: There are 2 songs that I live by: No More Drama In My Life and What's Love Got To Do With It? If you don't have these 2 cd's go get them! Mary J. Bleige and Tina Turner. I lost my husband in 2005, married to him for 9 years. The best man I ever had! For 2006 I did not have not one drama episode. You know why? Because it was a brand new ball game for me. I will not tolerate drama I don't care if it's strangers, friends, lover or family members. Put your foot down girlfriend. You are stronger then you think. Learn to prioritize. You first, your daughter second. Now I would have said your daughter first but you have to take care of you in order to take or her! There is nothing wrong with being celebant and concentrating on the important things. Health, love for your family and friends, finances then fun. Hey I'm just writing this stuff. I want to help. If you feel I over stepped my bounds then I apologize. I'm just so tired of these sorry @ss men taking advantage of women. If you're passive GET AGGRESSIVE! I guess you can tell I am. I'm not tryin to hear sh!t from their @sses. Oh and by the way, I'm in a 3 month relationship with a gorgeous man who is 13 years my jr. and it's all good. NO DRAMA! I'm not havin it! And don't you either! Take care!
2006-12-21 14:52:29 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
What I want to know is why do women sleep w/ married men in the first place. You knew he was married & he cheated on his wife w/ you--who will he cheat on you with? He is not a "nice" man, he appears to be taking advantage of you. He got you pregnant (?) he needs to pay child support. The first thing is he needs to get a job--give him a deadline, if he doesn't get a job within that time limit, pack his clothes & send him back to his parents.
2006-12-21 15:09:31 · answer #8 · answered by wanda3s48 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My advice to you number one is why would you have a man live with you that is married to someone else.That is a sin.Gee why do you think that his marriage sucked?Maybe it is fact that he cannot care for himself or anyone else.It also stems from his upbringing.Also if you took him in when he was living with mommy and daddy.Now that shows his maturity!!Good luck to you and your children.You have allready answered your own question.Face the music and move on for your kids sake.Use the mind over the lust its safer.Good luck and God Bless.
2006-12-21 14:47:12 · answer #9 · answered by llgarrett69 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Karma, baby, karma. See you are being paid back for screwing a married man. I can tell you this. If you are so miserable with him now, his wife was too, and probably glad that someone stupid took him off her hands. You got what you deserve though. So let this be a lesson in life for you, one gets paid back for the wrongs they do.
2006-12-21 14:45:24 · answer #10 · answered by Premo Mom 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋