Marriage question for Christians only?

Question

I have been married since I was 16 to my husband. We have had
some problems and he has been in jail before for hurting me. I have
tried everything to make this marriage work. I have went to counseling. I
have prayed my heart out too. We try to talk things thru but nothing
seems to work. He emotionally abuses me. He calls me terrible names. We
just dont love eachother anymore. But I cannot be alone and our daughter
needs a father. I am only 19... almost 20. I have been married since I
was 16. I want to start all over. I want to be married to someone who
is not going to hurt me or call me every cuss word they can think of. So
would God understand that and let me get a divorce and remarry one day
or will it send me to hell if I do?

Answer 1

u will not be sent to hell! from your question it shows that you are a God fearing woman...leave him and find yourself a wonderful man, and you daughter does have a father, God himself and if your husband is truly a man he will not let a divorce come between him and his daughter! if you want to talk jus tmessage me!

Answer 2

Why do you feel you MUST rely on a man? Do you think the only way you can possibly find stability or happiness is if you are married? I'm guessing that's how you ended up in this situation to begin with. Yes, you're young and you have a child, but you have your ENTIRE LIFE ahead of you! Do you really believe that God WON'T understand that you must leave someone who has clearly violated the "honor and keep" part of your marriage vows?! You need to leave him and figure out who YOU are before you start looking for a replacement father for your daughter. She does not need a father who is going to be cruel and abusive to her mother, and at this point that is probably who you will end up with again out of desperation (you sound quite desperate at this point).

Leave him. Get some counseling just for you. Take time to figure out who you are and what you need to do. Your daughter needs a mother who is confident and capable more than she needs a father right now. Once you've gotten your life straightened out and know what you want and need, the right father figure will come into the picture for your daughter.

BB
)O(

Answer 3

Your husband does not sound like a christian, thus if you were one, you should not have married him in the first place. God will not send you to hell because you are divorcing someone, although divorce is not favourable(because you have taken a vow & marriage is likened to 2 bodies made into one) The bible allows divorce on grounds of adultery, but sometimes I feel if abuse leads to traumatic marriages (esp when one is a christian and one is not), it is not wrong to abandon it to go on a better path, even more impt now that you have children! You even tried counselling which he does not seem to respond. If you have strived to save the marriage with all effort but still in a fix, I humbly suggest a divorce as that will take the load off your burden. By all means, if you can persuade your husband to change his ways, and pray for him that would be good too. A christian marriage works because of a personal relation with God between both of you. I feel it is good to start looking for a new partner who will truly care for you not only because he cares for you, but because he does it in Jesus' name, don't ya think?

Answer 4

Of course God would understand.

You were young and innocent when you made the mistake of getting married at 16, and generally speaking, the younger you are when you make mistakes, the more readily God forgives you of them.

As the child of a single parent mother and nonexistent father, let me tell you that it will be better for your child to be raised with no father at all than with a bad/abusive father like the man you describe, plus at your age, I'm sure you can find the right man for you and get remarried in no time.

Plus, there's always the practical benefits of divorce to a bad man, like the fact that he would have to pay child support to you, without actually being a bad influence on your child.

Answer 5

I am a Christian. And I am going to try to give you some Godly advice, I hope that I am saying the right things to you.

First are both of you Christians. Have you both went to counseling?
If your husband is beating you, LEAVE! seek shelter. God doesn't want you beaten, left for dead. What will you do if that anger is turned toward your daughter.
Do you want her to grow up in a violent hate filled home? Of course not. Neither does God.

Divorce him? I can't answer that for you. The bible says if a spouse is lost you can bring him right with God, by standing by him. (that doesn't mean in the same house being abused)
If he wants to go let him. You have time for big decisions. YOU are both very young. Grow in Christ, apart for a time if need be.

I was a married teenager, many years ago. To a man that beat and abused me for years. I finally left, after years of mental and physical abuse to me and my children. Please don't make the same mistakes. If you and he can be healthy together stay, but if you can't run....

God forgave me, restored me, and fulfilled me. He loves me through divorce, and through all the painful healing that I had to do.

with love from an abused wife ~ be blessed in Jesus,Vicki

Answer 6

God does not want us to live in abusive relationships; He knows what your going through and He loves you. If you have truly tried everything it's over. Please don't say that you can't be alone, you are only 19 and have the rest of your life to look forward to. Try going to a local church or women's shelter, they can help you find a way out and a way to support yourself and your child. Oh yeah, your daughter will still have her father, he doesn't have to live in the same house to be her father. In fact they may end up having a better relationship since she won't be watching yall fight all the time. Hope this helps. I will pray for you.

Answer 7

Look to the bible, O Pious Christian! It will give you the answers you seek!

Matthew 19:9:
"I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery"

Pretty straightforward. Divorce makes you an adulteress, no matter what. Comforting? Let's look further...

In Leviticus 20:
"If a man commits adultery with the wife of his neighbour, both the adulterer and the adulteress shall be put to death."

Bummer! Guess the bible kinda sucks for answers on divorce, eh?

When a Christian couple gets married, the marriage is performed in God's presence... in God's house...in front of God's representative (a minister or priest)...and in front of many Christian witnesses.

The couple presumably prays before and after the wedding for a good marriage, as do all of the witnesses and the minister/priest.

The couple knows that if they divorce/remarry, it is an act of adultery, which God has forbidden and which the Bible says is punishable by death.

And don't forget this important line from the ceremony: What God has joined together let no man put asunder. Now think about this. God is the all-powerful, all-knowing creator of the universe. If God puts something together, shouldn't it be impossible to break it? Isn't that what "all-powerful" means?

Given all of this, and given the fact that an all-powerful, prayer-answering God is supposedly looking over the lives of a Christian couple, guiding them in the spirit and so on, what would you expect the divorce rate for Christians to be? Clearly, the Christian divorce rate should be zero.

So what are you complaining about?

Answer 8

Yes leave your marriage, I too was in a emotional abusive marriage and I had 2 small children and left him for the sake of the children. That was 20 years ago and my children are well adjusted and the avatar is my first grandchild Tyson.
It will be hard for the first few years but keep praying to God and things will turn out for the better
And as for getting married again God is a God of forgiveness He will not condemn you .He understands what you are going through

God Bless You

Answer 9

God wants you to be happy. It takes 2 to make a marriage last. You won't be sent to hell. It sounds like your husband is very mean, maybe you should consider leaving before he really hurts you or your daughter. She also deserves to be in a nonabusive environment. You tried to make your marriage last and I think that is all that God wants you to do. You can't make someone love you. There are good men out there. I found one. Please have a merry and safe Christmas. I will pray for you

Answer 10

What Does the Bible Teach About Divorce?

Divorce is a growing problem in America. The casual attitude of divorce in the secular world is spilling over into the church where the statistics are only slightly lower. Consider the following statistics from the US Census Bureau:
In 1920, there was 1 divorce for every 7 marriages. That is 14%.
In 1940, there was 1 divorce for every 6 marriages. That is 17%.
In 1960, there was 1 divorce for every 4 marriages. That is 25%.
In 1972, there was 1 divorce for every 3 marriages. That is 33%.
In 1977, there was 1 divorce for every 2 marriages. That is 50%.(1)
Of course, the divorce rate has stayed around 50% since the 70's, but has recently exceeded that.

Marriage was first instituted by God in the Garden of Eden. It is a monogamous, physical and spiritual union between a man and a woman (Gen. 2:21-24), where adultery was forbidden (Exodus 20:14), and dissolution was not allowed. But it didn't take long for the monogamous arrangement to become corrupted. Polygamy became an accepted social custom (Gen. 16:1-2; Deut. 21:15). In fact, many of the Kings of Israel were polygamists. The norm, however, was, and still is, monogamy.

People Got Divorced in the Bible.

As is evident in the statistics above, people get divorced. Even in the Bible there was divorce. In the OT, only men were able to divorce their wives (Deut. 24:1-4). In the NT, women were also apparently able to initiate divorce (Mark 10:12; 1 Cor. 7:13). But, what is a Christian to do if he or she has been divorced? Can he remarry? Should he stay single? Is the Christian guilty of a perpetual sin if he or she divorces?
God wants the Christian to take marriage very seriously. Jesus said, "What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate," (Mark 10:9 -- see also 1 Cor. 7:10-11; Heb. 13:4.).(2) But, because we live in an imperfect world, the Bible speaks about the circumstance of divorce. Let's take a look.

The Biblical Reasons For Divorce

Adultery: Jesus said, "And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery," (Matt. 19:9). The word in Greek for immorality is porneia from which we get the word pornography. Sexual immorality, i.e., adultery, is a grounds for divorce according to Jesus.
Abandonment: In addressing the issue of husband and wife, Paul said, "Yet if the unbelieving one leaves, let him leave; the brother or the sister is not under bondage in such cases, but God has called us to peace," (1 Cor. 7:15).

Some Questions Answered

I would like to say up front that the following answers are my opinions. Also, part of the answers to questions on divorce must include grace. God is not a Law Master who wants to forcefully bring His people into broken submission. God is very forgiving and loving. He wants His people to experience joy and fulfillment in their lives and this can only be done in the grace of forgiveness. Jesus bore all your sins, even the sins of divorce. They have been paid for. He will not bring them up again on the Day of Judgment. You are free in Christ.
However, there are some biblical guidelines that we need to be aware of regarding divorce. I offer the following outline as a suggestion of options.

What if a person was an unbeliever when he got divorced and it was for an unbiblical reason and later became a Christian? What should he do?
If reconciliation is an option, seek it.
However,
If the ex-spouse is not a Christian, he should not remarry the spouse because a believer is not to marry an unbeliever (2 Cor. 6:14).
If either spouse has gotten married, remarriage is not an option either (Deut. 24:3-4; Mark 10:11-12).
If the ex spouse will have nothing to do with any reconciliation or you are not able to contact this person, you are free to remarry.
If the spouse has died, you are free to remarry.
What if a person was a believer when he got divorced, but the reason was not adultery or abandonment, and wants to remarry someone different now what should he do?
If you initiated the divorce, then you should not remarry (Matt. 5:31), However....
Reconciliation with the initial spouse should be sought with confession of sin and the request for forgiveness.
If it was the spouse that left without a biblical reason, then you are free to remarry.
Reconciliation should be sought with a confession of sin.
What if a couple was divorced, married others, got divorced, and wants to become remarried to again?
The Bible says that you cannot return to your first spouse after you remarried (Deut. 24:3-4; Jer. 3:1).
If you have, nevertheless, already gotten married, continue in your marriage and seek the Lord's forgiveness. He will give it.
What if a person was a believer when he got divorced, but the reason was not adultery or abandonment, and has already gotten married. Is he in sin?
Depending on the circumstances, he may be. But he should confess his sin to the lord and spouse and seek forgiveness from the original spouse and then he should stay married and be the best husband (or wife) he can be.

I hope these brief answers help you understand some aspects of divorce and remarriage. But, brothers and sisters in Christ, please seek the advice of your pastor in this area if you have further questions.
___________________

1. Tan, Paul Lee, Encyclopedia of 7,700 Illustrations, (Garland, Texas: Bible Communications, Inc.) 1996.
2. The New American Standard Bible, (La Habra, California: The Lockman Foundation) 1977 - all quotes in this paper are from the NASB.

Answer 11

Going to hell is not based on your behavior but your heart. In 1st samuel when God was choosing David from among the sons of Jesse, God says "God sees, not as a man sees. Man looks on the appearance and God looks on the heart." The bible also tells us that your sins are removed as far as the east is from the west. Romans 8:1 says "There is therefore now, no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus".

In other words God will not send you to hell for divorcing an abusive husband. In fact, God would want you to do it. Here is why. Staying with him you only enable him to continue doing what he does. He needs to be able to face his own failings. You, by all means, need to be safe. That is first and foremost.

Your daughter needs a father, but I submit that he is not being a father. Children learn by example for the most part. What is he teaching her as far how she should treat others?

Forgiveness is two part. You forgive him, in a private conversation between you and God, for your sake. You must forgive him or the bitterness will eat you alive. You forgive him to his face, when he seeks forgiveness and truly repents, which means he is taking the steps to deal with his anger. Now that being said, forgiving does not mean trusting. You do not trust him until he has earned that trust, even though you have forgiven him. If he changes and then you tell him you are still not going to be around and he then gets angry about it, that is a sure sign that he has not really repented and he was only saying things to keep you around.

You need to go and protect yourself and your daughter. Find trusted family and friends to lean on in this. Let them in on it and let them help you. Seek help from your church community. If your church is a "leave him and you go to hell" church, I would say find another church. You need safe people. Find them. Go to an alanon meeting they will provide emotional support.

Good luck.

God Bless.