My fiance wants nothing to do with his kid from a prior relationship. He told her he never wanted to kid to give it up for adoption or abord it.. they were both only 16 when the kid was concieved. We dont know what to do. He doesnt show any kind of love or anything towards the girl and its hurting her i feel really bad about it but theres nothing i can do. His family and ex are all forcing the child on us and blaming me for him not wanting her. But it was long before me that he didnt want her. Im pregnant and we are both happy and thats causing a lot of problems with his family. He wants to try to sign off all rights i heard he couldnt but he doesnt see her or pay for her anyway. Anyone have any advise?
2006-12-21 05:57:15 · 17 answers · asked by Aubs 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
i am 22 right now and he is 20 and the kid is 3.. we live in michigan
2006-12-23 06:12:37 · update #1
I believe he can only sign off on his rights if another man is adopting the child and assuming all the parental rights.
That said, I'd think long and hard about marrying a man who won't take a part in his daughter's life. If something goes sour, is he going to abandon YOU and your child??
Whether he wanted the child or not, he's got one. It's not the child's fault. He's a piece of crap for not at least paying child support.
I understand you're pregnant, and you and your child deserve every happiness, but this "man" is a scumbag.
2006-12-21 06:49:31 · answer #1 · answered by eli_star 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
There could possibly be details in this situation that he isn't talking about. There's a possibility that his ex could have gotten pregnant in an attempt to hang onto the relationship or to simply have something to hold over his head. They both could have been careless teenagers and in that case he should at least pay child support instead of expecting her to completely carry the burden of finances involving the child.
I would find out the reason he doesn't want to have anything to do with his biological child and be as supportive to him as possible, emotionally.
In this situation, you have to understand that if no shady dealings were involved that the families and the child's mother might not view it as "forcing" the child on you. It sounds like the fuss everyone is making could cause more damage to the child than if everyone just dropped it. If he has never been in the child's life, then she won't miss his presence...ever. To try to force them together could be far more detrimental.
What everyone in this situation needs to ask themselves is, who is really suffering here? Is it the adults involved or the child or you, an innocent party that wasn't involved during the time of birth of the child.
He can go to a lawyer and relinquish all parental rights, but on the other hand, she could take him to court and force him to pay child support.
I'm sorry the family is blaming you. You don't need this kind of family drama while you're pregnant. If at all possible, I would tell everyone (him, his ex, her family, his family, your family) that the subject isn't open to discussion around you until you safely carry and deliver the baby you have inside of you. To close off the topic is the only wise thing to do for your health (and sanity!) and the health of your unborn child. If they don't willingly respect your wishes, turn off your phone, lock your door and tell them to come back in 9 months!
Good luck...sorry to hear you're in the middle of such a sticky situation.
2006-12-21 06:17:27 · answer #2 · answered by Chick-A- Deedle 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
O'k hi i just answered your other question and came here to read this one. Same situation on our end. How old is the child? He needs to get it writing and notorized that he doesn't now or will she ever come after him for child support. This is a hardsituation to be in. Most courts allow nothing to be done. They feel that you play you pay, which is absurd. my husband has always just paid the support and never complained about it but not anymore. we have two children and one on the way. our child support is in excess of $600 a month. I say ours because I've been with my husband since this child was 4 months old. We are getting ready to fight and fight hard. This witch has lived on state ais for 12 flippin' years. I'm not going on state aid to support my kids when my hiusband makes sufficient money, he just gives her a nice porion of it. mY children should not live in poverty while he takes care of one. I am VERY passionate about men that get railroaded. I wish you and your fiance the best of luck. Tell the family to back off now and that you want nothing to do with the child because it does NOT get easier.
O.k we live in Michigan too. The state is really leary about terminating fathers rights unless there is another father waiting in the wings. Like if she were getting married and the new father wanted to adopt. There are no guarantees to the state that she will never need assistance and at that point who will they come after to recoup or pay that tab?... the father. If there is no father, then the state takes the fall and it increases our deficit. Attorneys don't really offer much as advice. Tell your fiance to get in touch with A.D.A.M. of some other organization that deals with the rights of men. They are out there. You need to get married like now!!!!!!!!!!! So that when or if the child support order comes down you were married already and your kids won't always come second. I feel really bad for you guys. Congrats on your pregnancy as well. Enjoy your holidays and don't let this stress you out too much while you are pregnant.
I'm pregnant too due any day. We have a lot in common. I wish I could tell you that the situation gets better but it really doesn't. I tell my sisters not to even give a man with children a second glance. i fell in love and never knew what i was in for.
2006-12-23 05:42:14 · answer #3 · answered by 1973kimberly 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She might want to end it with you.... a minimum of you're straightforward. And if she will be able to not, you may favor to end it at the same time with her,,,,,, now. Sweetie, marriages are comprehend, Admiration interest and believe. The believe is interior the bathroom once you initiate sharing the interest. And the comprehend and admiration she would have had for you'll disappear into that similar bathroom too.... all waiting to get flushed.. if that's basically to 2 of you basically both of you get damage. yet in case you carry little ones into this volatile courting, then harmless human beings get damage. you at the on the spot are not husband cloth, nor marriage cloth at the moment. and perchance you under no circumstances will be..... and no, you do not love her....you want you, way too a lot. that is termed "anti-social habit disease" alongside with some different issues (google it... actual a kind of first few have the indicators, and actual a kind of is the shortcoming of ability to have empathy for others or yet another.) So, hon, do the lady a want, and go away. you do not position self belief in monogomy, fantastic. yet marriage IS monogomy. So do not marry her, and don't be a father to all of us's little ones.... you at the on the spot are not dad cloth both, and perchance under no circumstances will be. keep your self the hardship inherent in little ones, households, toddler help, and stay unmarried and uncommitted. you need to work out your existence occurring with out her, because what you want, isn't what a classic woman would elect.
2016-12-01 01:31:23 · answer #4 · answered by abigail 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that if he made this child he should be responsible for her. If he dosent want to have to see the child I think he should at least pay child support of some kind, if he can't do that he should support her emotionallly and be there for her. It dosent take much to be a father. I have seen many kids especially lil girls grow up with major problems because they were rejected by their fathers. I think that you should take a good look on how you would feel if it was your child he was treating this way and what you would want to see done. I know that I wouldn't want my son to grow up not knowing his sister or even the fact that he has a sister, that can cause major problems between you and your own child down the road when it is old enough to understand. And I think you are being silly when you say there is nothing you can do, women have alot more power than most of us realize. Sit him down explain to him that it wouldn't kill him to be nice to the kid every other weekend and maybe take her to a movie once and a while, thats all she wants, is to know her father and that he dosent wish she had never been born. Can you imagine haveing to look your child in the eye and say that one of the ppl that is supposed to love her more than his own life wishes she was dead? I can't imagine how much that would hurt a small child. Think about it.
2006-12-21 06:08:32 · answer #5 · answered by rose_calhoun23 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
This is very bad, something that is going to scar his daughter for life. Yes, sixteen is very young to be fathering a child and taking responsibility for one's actions. However, he was there with his zipper pulled down and a little girl was the consequence.
We all do things we're ashamed of. Some of us even do terrible things. However, a lot of us take responsibility for what we've done and do our best to protect those who are innocent. People like his daughter, for example.
It doesn't sound like your fiance is one of those people.
There may be nothing you can do to improve his relationship with his daughter or convince his family that you're not the cause of the rift. However, do you really want to be tied down to this guy the rest of your life? Chances are, if your relationship goes in the toilet you're going to be in the same shoes as his ex - taking care of a kid he refuses to acknowledge or support and cleaning up a heck of a mess.
Frankly, your fiance sounds amoral and like somebody I wouldn't turn my back on. Be careful.
Regardless of all of the negative things I've written, you're pregnant and a child being born is an occasion to celebrate. Congratulations and good luck.
2006-12-21 06:23:15 · answer #6 · answered by IrritableMom 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
first of all your fiance no matter what needs to take responsiblity of that child, he helped bring that child into the world, he should of thought of the precautions. and for you, tell them that you were not in his life at that time, and they have no right to blame you for their sons actions. the one i real feel sorry for the girl shes the one who is being affected by all this. maybe you can do something , by showing the little girl that you do care and talk to your fiance and explain to him this is part of him and he need to step up and show her that he cares, maybe if he spends time with her, his feelings will change. they were young then, i really dont know what else to say. but If you in this girl shoe how would you feel. and how would your baby feel. just hope and pray that he won't turn is back on you. and your child. because he still is a child. he sure isn't acting like an adult. if i were i wouldn't even think on marrying this guy. you deserve a man not a boy. and if you and your boyfriend is in a bind. your boyfriend put you there.
2006-12-21 06:07:14 · answer #7 · answered by misty blue 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I don't agree with the fact that he is cutting off his child like that no matter what age he and his girlfriend at the time was you don't turn your back on your family regardless and now he has another baby and I see why his family is mad you are going to be happy with the birth of another and betraying the first thats foul you better hope he doesn't do you like that, Basically ask God to soften his heart not change him and I wish you well and I hope you have a great birth of your baby. Happy Holidays to you.
2006-12-21 10:29:11 · answer #8 · answered by Neek-Neek 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sounds like you have yourself a real loser for a fiance. That child is his too and he should at least be decent enough to pay child support. I bet he will do the same thing to you in due time. I would get away from him now and take him to court for childsupport once the baby is born.
2006-12-21 06:13:07 · answer #9 · answered by KathyS 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
your fiance is a piece of crap and you actually want to have kids with this boy? He's no man because no man would do something like that to his own child. I won't feel sorry for you when he does the same to you too. I feel bad for both of these children though. Leave the jerk before he does this to you.
2006-12-21 06:01:15 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋