Earlier I had asked how to deal with my 20 year old doing some crazy things, getting piercing in her tongue, lip, nose...also get her hair dyed and cut wearing a mowhawk.....also getting 7 tatooes on her back. My question is she is making me nuts! She lives at home (which is where I would rather her be), since I have to pay for things when she has lived on her own. My ex (her dad) talks to her a couple of times a year and lives 10 miles from us. So he is no help. She has made the comment that she does these things to irritate me which I don't understand. I pay her cell phone, bought her a car, pay her insurance, her money is her's to buy clothes and whatever. What I don't understand is she will do anything to disrespect me WHY? Also she threatens to move out if I have any issues with her........but I know that if she does it will cost me more money. So please don't say let her move and tough it out on her own.......because I can't let her be without a place to live or food.
2006-12-21 05:43:57 · 21 answers · asked by Ann N 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
THE REASON SHE SI LIKE THIS IS BECAUSE EVERYTHING IS GIVEN TO HER. MAKE HER WORK FOR IT FOR GOD SAKE!! YOU ARE THE REASON BEHIND IT. SHE IS 20 SHE NEEDS TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR HERSELF!! IF THIS IS NOT THE ANSWER YOU WANTED THEN YOU SHOULD NOT HAVE POSTED THE QUESTION ON HERE BECAUSE I BET YA 99.9% OF THE MOTHERS ON HERE WILL TELL YOU THE SAME THING!! I AM NOT TRYING TO BE RUDE BUT STAND UP TO HER PACK HER **** THROW IT OUT AND SAY YOU DO NOT CARE ABOUT ANYTHING I DO FOR YOU AND IT IS TIME TO LIVE ON YOUR OWN AND SEE WHAT THE REAL WORLD IS LIKE. I HAVE BEEN SELF SUFFICIENT SINCE I WAS 16!!! IF A 16 YEAR OLD CAN DO IT A 20 YEAR OLD CAN! I KNOW IT WILL BE HARD BUT SHE WILL THANK YOU IN THE END.
2006-12-21 05:51:07 · answer #1 · answered by LOVE MY LIFE 5 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Dear Ann ,
I know your situation, ecevept from the other end. I live on my own and my parents pay a lot of my bills...but i also have their only grandchild and pay as many of my bills i can withoutt going hngry. I pay my own rent and put gas in my car. I pay off my bank loans that i got to pay off my credit cards. I buy my own cigarettes and anything else i "want". I think maybe you shelter your daughter a little too much. I am her age. What does she pay for other than just the things she awants...like tattoos and stuff? I would make her pay so much on bills and a least half od her car insurance. I mean make it where she pays on her bills and still has some money left over. You shouldnt have to pay all of her ****. it alsosounds like she doenst respect you very much. you should get tough with her. you dont have to make her move ut, but you should make herstart paying at least something towards bills. It will teach her responsibility and such. i would cut ff te cell phone, make hr get a prepaid and make her buy the phone cards, make her pay at least 1/3 her insurance, and 1/3 of the car payment if there is one. as far as how she dresses and the way she modifys her body- if shes doing it o irritate you, pretend it has no effect on you. she is getting "off" on irritating you for some reason and youre doing exactly what she wants- paying fir her life style while she party's. be tough. Tough love aint never hurt anyone. yu may have to fight with her, but im sure you do that already. it wont be any worse and one day she will thank you. I know. I do. SHE WILL LOSE ALL RESPECT FOR YOU, IF SHE HASNT ALREADY, IF YOU CONTINUE TO LET HER WALK ALL OVER YOU
2006-12-21 13:58:58 · answer #2 · answered by psychoticangel_kitty 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It will only cost you more money if she moves out? you pay her cell? you bought her a car and pay her insurance? Without sounding rude.. WHY?
When she does move out... and she will... when she calls for money say..."sorry dear, my money is mine and I am going to go on a trip to Tahiti, have a nice life and maybe if I'm not too busy, I will give you a call.
You are not helping her grow up and out and at this rate as shes extremely disrespectful to you in every instance, she will be asking you to wash her back and floss her teeth for her before too long.
For your own sake rethink this situation and tell her point blank.. its time you grow up.. bye.. make her pay her bills and not be such a sponge sucking your life from you. Get a hobby... get a boyfriend.. take a trip stop doing for the little disrespectful ingrate.
HAVE A LIFE and make her learn to have hers!
You have to realize that she is running the show here.. and you have let her. Its a change that YOU have to make, not her, Why would you want to change your life if all you had to do is be a little spoiled brat with no sense of responsibility. Please make her pay rent.. please make her pay her own bills and do chores... think about yourself here.... stop being her door mat.
And as a matter of fact.. she will NOT go hungry or not have a place to live... she's old enough to deal with the situations of a real life. STOP FEELING GUILTY!
Best of luck...
2006-12-21 13:58:48 · answer #3 · answered by thebe_gl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know my mom is the same with my brother, who will be 25 in two more months. She does everything even washes his clothes. He has two young children which he never spends time with because he party's too much. I'm going to give you the same advise i give my own mother...Let him grow up!!! I'm three years younger than my brother and i live an hour and half away from home, take care of my kids and never ask money from my mom or anyone else. The reason she's treating you like this is simply because you let her, she's taken you for granted cause she knows she can. Stop paying for her stuff, it's the only way she'll grow up. When i was her age i had my own apartment and paying bills. I hate to say it but it's your fault she acts the way she does.
2006-12-21 14:04:26 · answer #4 · answered by Curious J. 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you are helping to prolong her childhood. My husband and I have lived together and have been financially independent since I turned 18 ( I'm 21 now ). We have jobs and as a result can pay for rent, a nice car, food, clothes, and anything our two kids need. Plus I'm going to college. Your daughter needs to learn some responsibility, and it sounds like she may be wasting her money on drugs or alcohol to not have enough to live on. Her attitude also probably stems from one of these habits kids get into. Tell her she needs to move out and try to make it on her own. You could still pay for her insurance if you want, and tell her she's welcome to come home and eat if she's hungry. She can get an efficiancy apartment really cheap, only 1 paycheck a month pays rent. Talk to her and try to work this out, but trust me, she's ready to learn some responsibility.
2006-12-21 13:53:30 · answer #5 · answered by dolly 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are making things worse by doing all these things for a grown person. You are doing more harm then good. Stop doing those things, tell her to pay rent so she has to get a job. It's time a child at that age moves out. Why should she respect you when you continue to do things she should be doing? She's a spoiled brat that wants her own way and you made her this way.
Put your foot down.
2006-12-21 13:50:00 · answer #6 · answered by KathyS 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋
i think that you need to cut off the money supply. she needs to earn what you give her. i am 19, my mother moved to another state when i was 15... so i have been living out of home for a while with my 1 yr older sister and we had to do EVERYTHING on our own. it was tough, i graduated (i paid all my school fees), i have a great full time job but i dont have my own car yet because that is something that i have to save for now i have this amazing boyfriend who is 21 (we have been living together for more than a year. its all about taking a risk...
2006-12-21 19:17:14 · answer #7 · answered by ruthybabe 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to tell her to get a job or go to college. She is an adult now and you need to stop supporting her. Of course you have to pay her bills when she moves out, because she knows you will. Let her know it is time fer her to grow up and be a resposible adult. There is nothing wrong with tattoos and piercings, she is expressing herself, but of she can't get and hold a job then she needs to learn how. Do you want her living at home when she is 35? Do you want to be paying her bills for her forever. Start charging her rent. If she can't pay for her cell phone then it needs to be shut off. Let her move out next time she threatens it, and then don't pay for her to do so. She will be fine, she in not going to starve to death, she is not going to be homeless and die in the winter cold, she is not going to hate you for teaching her to take care of herself. She will be fine, but for goodness sake stop letting her use you and walk all over you!
2006-12-21 13:52:25 · answer #8 · answered by averyanne77 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, she needs to start growing up. It is hard for you to hear, but it is true. SHE NEEDS A JOB!!!!!!!! If she works at Mcdonalds, it is a job! Does she go to college? What is she doing with her life? YOU ARE HER PARENT. She is in YOUR house, she needs to respect you. Tell her, she needs to get a job, that is the only way you will let her live with you. Tell her if she doesn't she needs to go to the military and make a life for her self. Stop being a doormat. You need to put your foot down. I am 22 years old, not much older than your child. She has the maturity of a teenager , treating you like crap. It is your, money, your house, and your rules! MAKE that clear!
Sorry to sound harsh, drastic is the only way.
2006-12-21 13:58:23 · answer #9 · answered by Brandy 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are enabling her, stop paying for everything and insist that she either go to school or get a job. If she moves out make it clear that she's on her own financially. I am a widowed mom, I have two boys, one is twenty, but he at least works because I can't afford to help him. Do not tolerate disrespect at all. This is one of those tough love situations, she won't learn how to fly if you keep clipping her wings. Good luck.
2006-12-21 13:51:27 · answer #10 · answered by Maria b 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋