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My daughter is cheating on her husband and is planning on leaving him and taking the two small boys. I know my son in law can be smart mouthed sometimes. He is 16 years older than my daughter and he feels he is too old to handle the boys. But I think he would do a better job than my daughter, because all she wants to do is party and drink. Help I am scared for my grandson. Her reason for leaving him is he does not help with boys enough or help clean house. He works 10-12 hours a day and she does not work. I want what is best for the grandsons. My son in law is walking around like a lost puppy. My daughter is moving out right after Christmas. My grandson said I so sad Dad is going to be alone. I heard him talking with his brother saying if we stop fighting and help mom clean maybe she will stay. I wanted to cry. Help what can I do.

2006-12-21 05:10:45 · 10 answers · asked by springer 3 in Family & Relationships Family

10 answers

Talk to your daughter. Sounds like she wants to go party and wants him to be dad. Sit them both down and let them know what you overheard their son (your grandson saying) let them realize how this will not only affect them but your grandchildren also. Maybe he can help out a little around the house and she can slow down her partying.

2006-12-21 05:14:29 · answer #1 · answered by www.treasuretrooper.com/186861 4 · 0 0

I feel badly for all of you. What an awful situation. Smart mouthed? Do you mean towards her and hurtful? My son-in-law is 18 years older than my daughter. He was previously married and has two grown sons but now has a baby and 3 foster children. He is 51 but very hands on not only at home but coaches the kids' teams, etc. I don't know how old your daughter is but she should have sown her wild oats before marriage and definately before having children. My husband was the person who worked and I was fortunate enough to be a stay-at-home mom. I did not expect my husband to clean the house. As for time with the children, that is another matter. I used to try to let my husband have about 1/2 to himself when he came home from work and then play with the kids while I took a bath, fixed dinner, dishes, etc. On the weekends we would either do things together as a family or rotate (not scheduled) times or days so each of us had some free time to ourselves. Some weekends he would go away with the guys and some weekends I would go away with my gal pals. I also went out to play bridge one night a week. We have been married 40 years, have two children and 8 grandchildren. I guess we did something right. I would suggest that you talk with both of them in a non-judgemental way laying fault with neither of them. Tell them you are there to help in any way and that you hope they can work things out. That might mean getting some counseling as a couple or independently. She needs to grow up and he needs to be kinder and gentler and stop using his age as an excuse.

2006-12-21 14:06:07 · answer #2 · answered by Santa's Elf 4 · 0 0

Nothin. Keep ur nose out of it cuz you can't do nothin. Butting your nose in, however, will get you a one way ticket out of your grandkids lives, and they obviously need you.

Wish my own ex-MIL would take that advice. And the ex's GF too. They like to pretend my children don't have a mom. Sometimes it bothers me enough that I pull rank and all is well for a little while again. But, I am a mom who always has my children's best interest at heart.

My ex is a raging drunk and even calls our daughters names that no adult woman should ever be called, but that is not enough to constitute him losing any custody - even for temporary supervised visits. Go figure?! He's even been physically abusive tot he daughter he despises (yeah, I still can't figure out the favortism crap) and the state still has done nothing to him about it.

I just make sure I am always there for my daughters for anything they may need. It's all you can do.

2006-12-21 13:27:39 · answer #3 · answered by hjfr27 3 · 0 0

First you need to realize that maybe your daughter is probably not ready to commit even after marriage....maybe if you could convince her she has a family now and try to be in her husbands shoes (with working 10-12 hour shifts) But I'm sure you've tried that. I really think it's not your place to tell him though. I really think it's her responsibility to fess up to him about what she really thinks. The only thing you can do is to be there for your son-in-law. Hang in there Good luck

2006-12-21 13:19:32 · answer #4 · answered by Erica M 4 · 0 0

Poor little kids! Children will blame themselves in a divorce.Just give your son-in-law encouragement. Be there for whatever you can do.If you think he should have custody or partial custody let him know that you are on his side. Tell your daughter what you heard your grandson say. Maybe you can talk her out of leaving her husband. It sounds like she is making a huge mistake.

2006-12-21 13:17:56 · answer #5 · answered by Pamela V 7 · 0 0

You should talk to him.Let him know you are there for him.
Has for your daughter you need to give her a good talking to also.
You need to explain to her how her actions are hurting her children.She has a right to be happy but not at her children's expense.If she doesn't want to be with her husband anymore that is her business.But she can't be let drag her boy's around.If she is having an affair and willing to jeopardize her family over it.Then maybe she should leave but without the boys.You may be her mother but you are there grandmother.She is grown and can take care of herself you have to do what is best for the children.If your son in law works and provides for the boys and isn't abusive to them in anyway maybe they would be better off with him.At least they will be cared for how will she take care of them if she doesn't work.Besides if she wants to party and drink she doesn't need to bring that kind of influence around your grand kids.Best of luck to you.

2006-12-21 13:21:56 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

Have a long and serious talk with your daughter about her responsibility towards her children. Tell her she tore up her free and single card when she became a mother. Its not about her anymore its about the children. She is so selfish. Tell her to start acting like a mother rather than a drunk slut. Tell her you'll make sure she doesn't see her kids if she does this.

2006-12-21 14:05:18 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

sounds to me like your daughter is making up reasons to leave.....Yet, also sounds like the dad is making up reasons to not take responsibility for the boys....if he's just gonna sit back and watch her leave and take the boys with her...there's not much you can do but Pray.....Dad needs to stand his ground and TELL her she is NOT taking those kids...she's got no means to support them. If I were in your situation..I would hire my own attorney...prove both the parents unfit...and take the boys from them both! Sounds like your daughter needs to see a shrink and your son-in-law needs to grow a backbone.....stand up for himself and those kids and quit making excuses! And, thats what you need to tell him...be blunt and do whats best for the grandkids...that is what really matters here...THE KIDS!

2006-12-21 13:19:26 · answer #8 · answered by Shelly B 5 · 0 0

Report your daughter to social services.. and if you think their better off with their father.. then do whats best for those boys.

2006-12-21 13:14:47 · answer #9 · answered by Kelly♥'sJames 3 · 0 1

She will be back and in the meantime, I hope he gets counseling for his "smart mouth" That is no fun to live with day after day.

2006-12-21 13:14:43 · answer #10 · answered by Sunflower 6 · 0 1

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