Should I always support my spouce when it comes to disciplining our children?

Question

Short of abuse of course

Answer 1

You should decide beforehand what kind of discipline is to be used for each 'offence'. There shouldn't be any surprises.

Answer 2

First off, you and your spouse must be on the same page when it comes to disciplining. You have to agree on the most basic things, or your situation will get out of hand in a very short amount of time - and your child will be in the middle of it. Children can pick up on the difference between mom and dad and play on these differences.

Sit down with your spouse and talk about how you want to raise your children.

When you have done this, there really is no question of whether to support your spouse when it comes to disciplining your children because you will have the same views.

If you happen to differ on something very serious, discuss this in private and decide on the course of action. Arguing on how to discipline your children in front of them is disastrous.

Answer 3

if your kids or anyone else for that matter is around then absolutely. there have been times that i see my husband is getting too mad and i tell him "easy or calm down" and that makes him see if he's heading off too far. i always say it quiet so it's not like i'm disaggreeing with him. also, if daddy says no juice (or whatever it is) until something gets done, even if i think it's stupid, i hold to that in front of baby. later i'll tell him that i don't see the point to that and what was his reasoning, he might have a good reason that i don't know about. my hubby gives me that same respect. i will not say that we don't conflict ever in front of baby but we do not argue over him or his discipline in front of him and if we argue about something we are very respectful and listen to try and set an example that 2 people can disagree and work it out and still love each other and not be mean to each other. this is how my parents raised me but not how my hubby's parents raised him. his folks are divorced, my dad passed away but they were never divorced and my mom still loves my dad more than anything. your kids will learn about not only right and wrong from you but also how to parent and how to be a spouse.

Answer 4

You may not agree with everything your spouse does in disciplining, and that's ok. The main thing is not to confront him in front of the kids. Let him handle the situation and discuss it later when the kids aren't present. That way he still has authority and the kids won't learn to question it. You don't want to make him feel inferior and if you talk about it later, calmly, he may see your point a lot clearer than if you embarress him in front of the kids.

Answer 5

No! Each individual has an idea of how children should be disciplined. That does not mean parents should argue about it. My husband and I don't always agree. But when one of us (parent) issues a punishment to one of our children and the other (parent) disagrees, we discuss whether the punishment was too harsh for the (child's) behavior. Usually, once the angry parent calms down, we can agree to modify the punishment. We then play "good parent, angry parent". For instance, Mom has issued a two-week grounding for something minor. Dad thinks that's too long. Mom & Dad discuss a more suitable length of time. Dad then goes in and says that he "talked Mom into" a lesser punishment. It works, neither parent is the grouch all the time and we can issue punishments that suit the "crime".

Answer 6

Do you want chaos or tranquility? If you want that latter, I would suggest you talk to your spouse and set the house rules which then should be followed to a T. A child knows when they are in a house divided and will work things to bring more turmoil between you and your spouse but if the children see there is no getting around the rules by either of the parents, they will conform and be very happy doing it.

Answer 7

Yes because you need to present a unified front; if there is any dissention amoung you the children will divide and conquer...if Mom says no they will turn around and ask you and it will just cause problems in your marriage.

If you don't agree on the method or punishment, discuss it AFTER the fact and try to come to a middle ground that you both agree on when the situation presents itself again in the future.

Answer 8

In front of the kids, YES! Parents should always present a united front. Kids are smart, they can figure out when Mom doesn't disagree with Dad and vice versa. If you don't seem united, the kids can easily learn to play one parent against another to get what they want. If one parent disagrees with another what another parent is doing, then it should be discussed later when the children aren't present.

Answer 9

in forn t of the children you should either support or keep quiet. If you didn't like what happened then you should discuss it with your sppouse away from the kids.
Sending mixed messages to the kids will only make things worse.
If there is abuse then get the hell out of there with the kids.

Answer 10

Be extremely careful that the general 'differences' or 'agreements' of the personalities of you both (which are defining your own relationship with each other) do not come in way when deciding to 'support' (or otherwise) your spouse on issues relating to children.

I know it is quite difficult .. but if not done, it would amount to 'using your children' to settle (actively or passively) your own personality clashes with each other.

If such personality clashes are yet unresolved between you (or are in the process of resolution), at least discuss and agree not to bring them in way on matters relating to children.

This would certainly be a sound base of 'good parenthood', and would also add a lot to enrich your personal relationship with each other.

Answer 11

I think the method of diciplin should be agreed on by both parents. There's no reason 1 parent should decide how the diciplining will be handled.

Perhaps you and your spouce can sit down and talk about how you want to handle diciplin in your household. That way you can both be consistant and on track with eachother when diciplin is needed.