PTSD question?

Question

I would like to know, preferably from a Vietnam vet what to do here. My lover is a vet who had a very difficult time (as thousands and thousands did) for a lot of years when he came home. This was followed by financial problems and divorces etc...He has been through many years of therapy and has done remarkably well. He is generally very well adjusted, gentle and compassionate. I am exceedingly proud of him!

He is having a very hard time right now and is isolating himself for hours and hours at a time in his work room - just smoking and thinking, etc.. He is still kind and has shown no temper or anything like that, but I don't know how to help him. He has not offered to talk about it, though he knows that I would listen and be there for him.

Our love life has come to a halt over the last eight days and he is staying up all night, just chain smoking, working on little projects, etc.. For the last couple of nights I've gone out to his work room in lingerie at midnight

and asked him to come in and lie down with me. He says that he'll be in soon, but doesn't come in until it's time for me to get up to go to work in the morning. I guess he goes to sleep after I leave for most of the morning anyway.

Needless to say, I am worried about him. I love him with all of my heart and I hate to see him hurting with no real outlet.

Is there anyone who can shed some light for me on wehat he might be thinking about and how I might ease the burden a little?

I want more than anything to understand and help, but I just don't want to make it worse by asking questions that bring up old hurts, etc...

Are there any Vietnam-era vets out there who can help me? This is the only thing on my mind and I need to do something myself to make it okay for him. This will be his first Christmas in many years as he has not celebrated for a long long time.

Please don't tell me to get him couselling, as he has been through so many years of it already.

God Bless!

Answer 1

I am Chelley's husband, and a Vietnam vet who has lived through exactly the same pain that you describe your husband is going through. No therapist can help right now, he can't open up to one. Though the VA has experts, I seriously doubt your husband would be willing to see one. What your husband needs to do, is to talk to himself, but not with words.

Sit your husband down at the computer and tell him to write, write anything, the words to a song, a letter to a friend, anything. Get him to write. Soon, much sooner than you might think, he will start writing out his pain. He won't be able to avoid it. And as he writes, he will see his pain, what is causing his pain, there in front of him.

It took me writing out a recurrent dream I had about Vietnam before the dream, the pain went away. I saw the dream as words on a page, and being on a page, somehow detached from me.

Your husband is fighting ghosts, ghosts you will never see, and are impossible for him to describe. As with all ghosts, they lack form and substance. Only he can give them substance outside of his mind. And that takes setting them down where his eyes can see them.

Remember this too. All memories, especially about Vietnam, are suspect. I remember a song being played on a tape when my boat suddenly came under attack and all my friends were killed. Only one problem about the memory. The song I remember playing on the tape hadn't even been written yet. That is how memory works sometimes.

Force him to sit and write, even if you need to arm yourself with a frying pan. Like I said, write about anything at all, anything. It doesn't matter. He will come around to his pain, and he will cry. Cry hard I suspect. But that moment, that moment of tears means for you, he is finally healing.

Mr. Chelley, QMCS USN (ret)

Answer 2

I used to be followed. At beginning the church didn't enable my mom to peer me or keep me. We come into this international stuffed with prime nervousness once we go away the womb and our mom's protecting us calms that worry. It certainly not occurred for me. I've lived with "loose-floating nervousness" such a lot all of my lifestyles and with critical lifestyles alterations I've had episodes of PTSD which were thoroughly disabling. I learn in tuition that a research used to be performed on rhesus monkey's who have been separated from their mom's at beginning similarly. Most of them died inside the primary 12 months "Failure to Thrive". The trauma of adoption is certain and in contrast to another. It is a huge and primary step in our early growth, to be held and nurtured by means of the girl who included us. We recognise her exact odor in detail and being passed to strangers is annoying; problems with believe. And regardless of how a lot I attain (such a lot adoptees are over-achievers) I consistently suppose come what may that I am wrong, and I take usual loss very deeply. So when you've got an followed pal I'd be as compassionate as feasible approximately wherein they're at in lifestyles. If you feel it for the duration of they're going to surely advantage out of your aid.

Answer 3

I'm not a Vietnam Vet but I am a Vet diagnosed with PTSD by my VA doctor. She prescribed me meds and it helps.

Answer 4

just talk to him and see if he will open up a little. this time of year is hard on some of us. thinking about friends that we had. old times with them missing them.just tring to be happy for everyonelse and not realy being happy inside ourselves. just be cool and talk to him and most of all love and undestand if you can.