The baby was fullterm, it was a umbical cord accident. He was stillborn. It happened two weeks ago. My sister won't eat or sleep.
I feel so helpless so any suggestions on how to help her would be greatly appreciated.
2006-12-21 03:07:46 · 14 answers · asked by laurianne9 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
The best advice I can give is just be there for her. After I lost my daughter, she was stillborn at 22 wks, I went through the same thing. I didn't eat, barely slept, and hardly spoke to anyone. One day my friends took me to the dr and had me put on anti-depressants, they helped. It just takes time and patience and understanding on the part of friends and relatives.
Offer to do things around the house for her, if she has other children offer to help, cook dinner for her, all the little things that she can't bring herself to do.
Please don't tell her it will get better with time, we know that it will but we don't want to keep hearing it from other people, and if she ever wants to talk about her baby, let her. Hold her if she wants to cry and listen if she wants to scream. Only someone who has lost a child can understand what it feels like and from personal experience, even though you know that it wasn't your fault she will blame herself.
Just be there for her, thats the main thing that she needs right now. My heart goes out to her and your family!!!!!
Also there is a website the address is www.babybreathmemorials.com either your sister or you can go to this site and build a memorial to her baby, and other family members can visit and add flowers and other things like that. It helped me alot
2006-12-21 03:15:36 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I'm so very sorry for your loss and your sister's loss. What a terrible experience. I think the best thing you can do is be there for her. Visit her even if she says she doesn't want to be visited. Maybe look up some support groups for her and let her know that she is not alone. Buy a book for her, something that she can read about it:
Night I Held An Angel: An Inspirational Testimony of a Mother's Healing Journey after the Loss of Her Stillborn Child (by Zchantell McDonnell). It's available at www.barnesandnoble.com. If you go to the website and search that book (this might be the link:
http://search.barnesandnoble.com/booksearch/isbnInquiry.asp?z=y&EAN=9781418455897&itm=5) then you will see there are 2 perfect reviews of the book. Maybe this will help her?
She's gone through a horrible loss (as have you) and she will have to grieve as long as she feels is necessary. You being there for her like you already are and showing your concern is certainly all you can do!
2006-12-21 03:23:41 · answer #2 · answered by PT&L 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
That is awful...I am so sorry for her. I am sure that most of the answers you are going to recieve though are quite simple. Just be there for her. There probably isn't much more that you can do. I am sure that right now she feels very alone, sad and depressed. When you go through the loss of anyone...especially a child...it doesn't really mater if there is one person by your side or 20...you still feel alone.
One thing you can do is research some support groups available in your area. She may not feel like it right now...but she will need to be with other people who understand what she is going through and can guide her on her path to recovery. (This is truly impossible to do unless you have been there) She may also need to see her doctor to get something to help her sleep.
In the meantime....just hold her and let her cry.
If she needs some help around the house, or meals prepared...be there to assist.
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. I am so sorry for your loss.
2006-12-21 03:18:19 · answer #3 · answered by Sunshine 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I lost a baby once too. Emotional support is super important, but what my mother did for me was extremely helpful. She lives far away, but flew to my house for 10 days. She did all the cooking, all the cleaning, put the food in front of my face when I couldn't even find the willpower to feed myself, walked the dog, bought the groceries, etc...
She was a huge emotional help as well, but I can't even tell you how much her "domestic" skills helped me. All I could handle during that time was trying to grieve and cope, and she made it so I had nothing else to concern myself with. When I couldn't physically or mentally care for myself, my home, and my responsilblilities, she did it all for me.
2006-12-21 08:28:00 · answer #4 · answered by Emily O 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First thing, she apparently needs some professional help to get through the grief and/or post-partem depression. Just be there for her, listen to her, let her cry, all without judging or telling her something "lame" like you can always have another one...she will come to accept that down the road, but right now, that is hard for her to hear. Just tell her how bad you feel for her and hug her and be there for her. It will take time and patience and undertanding...LOTS of time, patience, and understanding...my heart goes out to her and to all of you in your loss
2006-12-21 03:15:27 · answer #5 · answered by beetlejuice49423 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
just tell her you love her and that you will help her out in what ever she needs try and get her to talk to you cause that will help, get her to cry it out and talk about what ever she needs, all she needs is a really good cry and a big hug from her sister, tell her what ever will make her feel better, thats so hard on a person, i could imagne how she feels, if she wants you to leave her alone leave her alone for a while try and get her to go out and do something and take out to lunch take her to a bar something but whatever she wants good luck
2006-12-21 03:12:23 · answer #6 · answered by <3 mykiddos,mylife <3 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just be there for her!! This is a tramatic thing she as gone through and she will go through all kinds of emotins!! I know this because my first child was stillborn(girl)!! I was in a deep depression for months! Let her talk about it if she wants to sometimes that helps ! GOD BLESS YOU ALL!!!!!!!!!!
2006-12-21 03:22:57 · answer #7 · answered by linda bug 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
How unbelievably sad. I wish there was something less moronic to offer you than saying "be there for her."
I assume she was given time to be with the baby and grieve before they took him away? Oh gosh, I'm so sad now! I'm so sorry for her loss.
2006-12-21 03:10:13 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just be there. Someone very close to me went through this, and she has always told me how much she appreciated that I was with her during those months and months of grieving.
She's going to be sad (She just lost her child before she even got to meet her!), and you need to let her. She will eat eventually, she will sleep eventually. Don't force it. Her world just stopped spinning and it will take awhile for it to start again.
2006-12-21 03:15:59 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I'm so sorry for your loss
I would make her an appiontment with a shrink they will know how to help her and could put her on anti depression medicine for a while plus sometimes it helps to talk to someone you don't know.
2006-12-21 03:14:55 · answer #10 · answered by what? 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋