Why do so many parents try to tell others how to raise their kids?

Question

Does this annoy anyone else? My sister in law is a good example. Her daughter is a month younger than my oldest and still isn't potty trained. My oldest has been potty trained since she was 2 and she'll be 3 in April. This same sister in law actually tries to tell me how I can get my daughter to stop having occassional accidents. WTH? Do any of the rest of you want to just tell people to parent their own kids sometimes? It's like those parents whose kids are running all over the store acting like brats that glare at you if you tell your child that they can't have a toy. It drives me insane!!!

cammy; that drives me nuts too...lol. My stepdad doesn't have children. He didn't start dating my mom until I was 16 and my brother was 14 yet he knows exactly how I should teach my kids not to do certian things.

The other thing, I do not feel that my child is superior. Giving unneeded advise is ridiculous though. That would be like me telling my husband that he's fixing my brakes wrong. I've never fixed brakes so how would I know?

Answer 1

it's not just parenting. it's everything. everywhere I go, people are trying to tell me how to do things.

Half the time,they're just trying to be nice. But I suspect that half the time, the person is just trying to show me "how smart they are and that they know more than me". I think this gives them a little subconcious boost. It makes them feel good about themselves that they know something that the average, stupid person doesn't.

p.s. that nanny 911 show isn't really helping. It gives people (especially those without children) the impression that it's easy to discipline a child using some simple tricks. disciplining children is not easy.

Answer 2

With you there on the sibling rivalry thing.... but wish I was told that getting them the same toy won't solve any issues ahead of time because it's not about the toy at all. Giving me more insight on multiple kids other than "it's hard"... hard doesn't cover it. To choose kid toys wisely because how annoying some of them can be. There is only so many times I can hear the same song before it drives me nuts! I actually rotate toys and remove batteries because of this. I wish other parents would've given me advice on how to handle gift giving.. I have 3 boys and 1 girl. I realize most my family and friends have wanted a girl around because there are too many boys. However, they end up showering her with gifts and give my boys nothing. It's causing a bit of jealousy with the boys. And the bad part is a lot she's given is stuff she cannot play with or use until she's in preschool or kindergarten... she's only 5 months old! I tried suggesting gifts for her... teethers, music playing toys, things to dangle from the carseat or her tummy jungle gym thing. I give her size. But still it happens. I never had this problem with the boys growing up...

Answer 3

Here's a thought: Why don't you tell your sister-in-law that she can feel free to tell you how to raise your child once she has proven to everyone that she is the perfect mother and her life and household are a model of order?

There is an unfortunate problem here: Some parents NEED to be told how to handle their children. You gave one example that illustrates the bulk of this group of people when you talked about the parents whose kids run amok in stores acting like total brats but glare at you when you tell your child he/she can't have a toy. If you usually give in to your child when he/she starts throwing a fit then you're not a parent. If you think you can be your child's friend and can make them understand your decisions by reasoning with them then you're not a parent. If you don't have the ability to lay down the rules with your child(ren) and exercise a system of discipline (READ: Does not mean the child gets a beating every time he/she gets out of line, but it does mean you make rules, stick to them, and punish the children in some way for violating the rules) then you're not a parent. THESE are the people who need to be TOLD what to do.

In your case, when someone tries to tell you how to raise your daughter you should listen to the message and assess what's really going on. Sometimes other parents will share helpful tips or things that worked for them when they see another parent having a problem, and they're not really trying to tell you how to raise your children -- they're just trying to help by offering ideas that may work for you. Then, of course, you get the busybodies who can't help but stick their noses in and give their two-cents worth despite the fact that they're obviously damned fools who don't have a lick of common sense. For them, just give them the standard "Duly noted, thank you" and then file their comments in the trash where they belong.

Answer 4

Yeah this drives me nuts too but the thing that upset me the most when my 1st was born in 2004 was, my husband would say for every little question pertaining to our child, "lets call my mum, she had 5 kids she knows what she's talking about" Drove me insane. And she would put my baby on her tummy at birth even though i didn't want her on her tummy, i'd pick her up and get all kinds of crap like, "you're spoiling her by holding her....she has to be on her stomach don't listen to doctors..." i literally got depressed. When my 2nd was born this past Feb. i learned to just smile and nod but in my head i was like "whatever" lol.
Fortunately we have no r'ship with my in-laws whatsoever and we never see them (that's a good thing!) so i no longer have to put up with other's telling me what to do.
What makes me cringe and i literally have to bite my lip is, when people ask me if i'm doing something with them and then refer to a certain book or online doctor.....i cringe so badly because i hate books and doctors who think they know everything about babies/kids.
Now our 3rd is due in May and everyone knows damn well not to say a word to me. I'm just one of these people that will figure out by myself and when i want some input i'll ask for it kwim.

Answer 5

I will get that all the time, being a parent of twins, I often get the most obscene unsolicited advice. They are now 4 and I allows them input into how they dress, what they play with as it is important to develop as individuals. I will have many people telling me that I should dress them similarly, or get involved with activities they can do together. I will often get criticized for encouraging them to partake in activities separate from each other, where they will have the opportunity to socialize with children outside of their sibling. All this advice on how to treat my children as a singular unit just boggles my mind.

Answer 6

It drives all of us insane. I have 2 boys from my first marriage. When I got remarried, I got a very nosy mother-in-law who would but in every chance she got. Low and behold, I got pregnant with from her precious son. Well of course, she tried to offer all kinds of advice. I nipped that in the bud from the very get go. I listened to her politely and told her that it wasn't my first rodeo, and maybe I have made mistakes along the way, but they are good kids. You know what? She has never offered me advice regarding MY children again. There are times I might ask her, but unless I ask she doesn't offer. You might just try to be nice and let her know that things are going well in your home. Alot of times it is easier for someone to judge and criticize someone else than look in the mirror at ones self. Just have patience and the only way to stop your sister in law is to tell her how it makes you feel. Just do so politely, remember she is just trying to help.

Answer 7

It's their way of convincing themselves that they are good parents. It's very important to most humans that they be good parents. It's an evolutionary thing. So telling other people how to raise their kids is a way of self-validating themselves. Basically, it all comes down to insecurity.

Answer 8

Calm down. Parenting is a challenge. Take everything: comments from other parents, brattiness from other people's kids and different developmental milestones from your own kids, in stride. You are the one who knows best for your kid. Everything else is just background noise.

Answer 9

How fast (or slow!) your kid potty trains is certainly not a sign of how good (or bad) a parent someone is. It's a developmental skill that all kids learn at their own pace.

Answer 10

I know she trying to help out. but . but if it really annoys you, talk to her nicely and thank her for her advice, but tell her when you need advice on how to raise your children that you will ask her. but until then please don't give me anymore. and if your at the store just make sure your children are by you and not running around. that does bother alot of people who see that.