My sons girlfriend who is 10 weeks pregnant and whom we think is bio polar. 2 weeks ago for no apparent reason (or because she and my son had a fight), i get insulting sms's and a lot of verbal abuse. After about the 4th sms, then I let her have it back, and told her to never ever speak to me like this again. I told my son about it, and he said she shouldnt be allowed to get away with it and I must stick to my guns. which I am doing. Christmas is 4 days away, and we have told our son, she is not welcome at our home until she apologises. Am i being too hard.
2006-12-21 02:35:46 · 32 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Just ignore it, shes pregnant, if anything she probably feels trapped by all this, whatever the fight was about, somehow it involved you, if you were involved this much in one of their fights, then the best advice is to back off from their relationship, no matter how much you may feel to get involved, dont, because they may have their fights, and you may hear alot about that, but you are not there when they make up, just seperate yourself from the relationship, dont think im being mean or anything, but this is a common probalem with inlaws, from both sides, she should not have told you anything either but she probably let her anger get the best of her, do you remember anything from when you were pregnant? emotions do run high, but another thing to do is not complain about her to your son or other family members, you wouldnt like it if your mother in law was like this with you, just avoid each other as much as possible for the sake of the baby, because since she is carrying your grandchild, you will have to deal with her for many years to come.
2006-12-21 09:15:20 · answer #1 · answered by Summer 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Well the way you presented your post indicates that you feel that you are the injured party here and no one else so this answer just might pop your bubble and go against your grain a little ,,,, I am made to think that things just aren't exactly the way you are presenting them here,,,, There are two sides to ever story ,,,, You shouldn't get involved with your sons affairs in the first place ,,,, This is his pregnant girlfriend not yours ,,,, People who get involved in their children's lives are just trying to relive their own lives through their children allot of times ,,,, I've seen this sort of thing with meddling parents before ,,,,, Mostly mothers though ,,,, but there are some stupid men too ,,,, You are presenting only one side of the story here possibly hoping to get some kind of emotional backing for the turmoil you've created ,,,, I mean what was the argument about or what did you say or do to bring it on ,,,,? This must have involved you some how because you say she jumped on you after the argument so it must have been you they were arguing about ,,,, Could be that you are the jerk here and not her ,,,, I mean she is definitely pissed off at you ,,,,, And just because she tries to take her own part doesn't make her bi (not bio) polar ,,,, and I think your son is a jerk for siding against her ,,,,, This is the mother of his child so his loyalties should be with her not you ,,,, right or wrong ,,,, and he should feel that if she's not welcome in your home then neither is he ,,,,, I wouldn't blame her if she just up and left and got shed of the whole lot of you ,,,, Were I in her place I wouldn't want anything to do with you or your son at any time after something like this ,,,, Mother and son against the girl he got pregnant because he wasn't smart enough to us a condom ,,,, Wow what a combination,,,, what kind of a kid or mommas boy did you try to raise,,,,? Well ,,,,, some mothers aren't satisfied unless there is a turmoil going on somewhere ,,,, A major rule you should remember is to keep your nose out of your kids business unless spacifically asked for advise ,,,,, Just make sure that you ONLY give advise though ,,,, don't get involved any more than that ,,,, Maybe you ought to have a long think with yourself but be honest with yourself and figure out just who the adult is here and who the kid is and just who owes who an appology ,,,, If she's smart she should have already left by now ,,,,, But it looks like you've already blown it for this year though ,,,, But hey ,,,,, Do have a merry Christmas anyway,,,,
2006-12-21 05:04:59 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
If she actually is bipolar then this would certainly account for her behaviour. This would be a good reason to forgive her and to move on. By treating people in a negative and nasty way we are just showing them that this is acceptable to act in this way. What you could do ask her to call you and explain to her that her behaviour was not acceptable and if she chooses to behave like this again in the future that you will have not other choice but to break contact with her. You are not there to be abused by her or by any one else for that matter. The consequence of her behaviour will be to lose the relationship that she could have had with you as her baby's grandfather and this is based on mutual respect. I hope that helps and if she does suffer with mental illness I hope that your son can convince her in a very nonjudgmental way to find some help. Often times with bipolar the person afflicted with it has not idea they are sick and think that those around them are the ones with the issues. I hope that this helps and don't let this spoil your holidays surrounded by people that love and care for you.
2006-12-21 02:50:14 · answer #3 · answered by Deirdre O 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Not at all. It is your house and you have the right to choose who to let through the door and who to turn away, especially if that person has been abusive to you.
Be careful though as this might be as you suggested, due to your son and her having a fight, if they make up it may leave you out in the cold if you don't let her come at all for Xmas. You have asked her to apologise and all you can do now is hope that she does and then act accordingly.
Most of all do not bear a grudge as like her or not this woman is carrying your grandchild.
2006-12-21 02:42:23 · answer #4 · answered by Bagpuss 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
No Way! She didn't get in a fight with you, she got in a fight with your son, so why would she insult you? If she's quick to insult the parents of her boyfriend, how does she treat him? If she shows up at your house Christmas, talk to her and tell her you were hurt by what she said, and you would like an apology before she come in. If she refuses tell her she can leave.
2006-12-21 02:47:53 · answer #5 · answered by Stephanie091 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
stick to your guns. I dont know all of the details but I would not let anyone into my house that is not respectful to me or other family members. If she has any class at all she will apologizes and keep the peace in the family.
You can tell her that you are sorry that you have had a fight but that you will not engage in arguments in the future and if she agrees to treat you with respect then she is welcome in your home, and if not, then she is not welcome. That way the ball is in her court. Do not respond to any hostile comments. Just reply that you are sorry she feels that way about such and such but that you are not going to argue with her and stick to it.
This does not mean that you do not have to have a loving relationship with you son or the baby.
2006-12-21 02:46:42 · answer #6 · answered by Michele 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Coming from a family with a brother who had a bipolar gf I say no. Only b/c if you let her get away with it now. She will do it every time she gets in a mood. My mom let it slide a few times but each time it got worse until it got to physical abuse. Now the gf and my brother are thru and my brother feels bad for all the terrible things she did and said. I wish the best for your family and congrats on a new grand baby
2006-12-21 03:01:12 · answer #7 · answered by lorilie 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
NO...she is going to be a part of your family for a while with this kid on the way...theres no reason for her to act like a child when she is about to be a parent. She shouldn't be disrespecting your son, you or anyone in your family. Get her some medication and maybe she will wake up and realize what she's doing is wrong
2006-12-21 03:08:05 · answer #8 · answered by Chrissy 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Life's too short to play games like this. She's going to be family soon, so you better learn to get along for the sake of that baby.
Tell her you are sorry you reacted to her the way you did. Then make sure she understands that in the future you won't listen to her nonsense. If she wants to talk like adults, you're there for her, but if she can't, she's on her own. That's all there is to it. She obviously needs to learn how to communicate like an adult and unfortunately for you, because she's having this baby, you have to teach her. It's not fair, but it's the right thing to do for the sake of your grandbaby.
There is no shame is taking the high road, but watch your pride, too. You are doing it for your grandbaby.
2006-12-21 02:47:14 · answer #9 · answered by vicarious_notion 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
For the sake of the grandbaby, I wouldn't make her apologize. You did right by calling her on it, and she will probably never do it again just because she will know her boundries. But, please take in account that her hormones may be playing a big part in that. I know I uncontrolably yelled at mother at Easter when I was pregnant and we have a wonderful relationship. It would be best to call and discuss it with her before christmas. That baby will be incredibly important to you.
2006-12-21 02:42:45 · answer #10 · answered by brevly 1 · 2⤊ 1⤋