Is he cheating or am i just paranoid?

Question

My boyfriend and i have been together for about four months. We met on myspace and when we offically met we hit it off. That was about 6 months ago. I was still in contact with my ex for the first few months cuz of his depression, or so i thought he had. So my bf started talking to his ex to spite me because i wouldnt stop "talking to" my ex. Thats all we did was talk. As he started talking more and more to her he realized she had real problems and he didnt want to leave her alone. Never told me he was seeing her. She doesnt have very many friends and this i know as a fact. He didnt come to me and tell me she was in trouble instead he started meeting up with her behind my back. I only found out because his ex gf and my ex bf started talking. My ex found a very suspicious e-mail. Saying he loved her and he was free when ever she needed him. After i had already asked him not see her. He told me ok. After i read the email him and i broke up.

We got back together a month ago. One of the stipulations was that he had to stay friends with her. He says he loves her as a friend nothing more. That she needs him whihc i can see that. But they see each other more then him and i see each other. He told me he loves me and i love him very much. But i scared that he is hiding something i cant help feeling scared that he wants her back.

I have flat out asked him and he says i am worrying to much. He lives and hour away and i have no car so seeing him more right now isnt an option. He comes up when he can but sometime it feels like he is avoiding me. Or doesnt want to talk to me. All i want is for us to be happy. I really am trying to be supportive but its so hard. She has a bf but isnt completely happy with him. He says he doesnt want to rub in my face that they talk so he doesnt tell me stuff.

She doesnt like me which is understandable and tells him this. He says when she talks about me he says its none of her business. So i guess hes sticking up for me. But i dont know if he is telling me what i want to hear or not.

My question is am i too paranoid or does he sound like he is cheating?

Thank you,
Rachel

Answer 1

There's really no telling if he is cheating. I'd imagine if they wanted each other back he would break it off with you and she would break it off with her bf. I don't think he's cheating really.
Ex's can remain friends if both are mature enough. Your doing a good thing by not making him cut ties with her. It's sucky that you live so far from him and you can't see him more.
Explain to him that you just don't want any secrets between you two. If he talks about what him and her talk about be as mature as possible about it so he can respect you more and more. It sounds like you are already quite mature about it.
Don't give up quite yet if you really love him.

Answer 2

That was the most confusing thing I have read in a long while but I'll try to offer some advice just the same. You both seem kind of immature or at least not ready to handle a relationship if you are both still having a relationship on some level with your ex's knowing full well how much it is impeding on your relationship by causing doubts and just extra baggage that is unnecessary. This is further emphasized by the fact that you both apparently don't live near each other and appear to just be using the ex's to fill in the gaps when you want some company or attention when you are apart. I think that it's kind of weird that he is seeing her, she talks about how unhappy she is with her new bf to him, she openly admits to disliking you, and he has refrained from telling you information based on the fact that he doesn't want to upset you. First off, if you saw that your talking to your ex was upsetting him, you should have stopped it because he is your ex and I am sure that there are others that can be there for him through his troubles since now that you have a bf, it is no longer your place to do so. Being there for him in that context might have given your boyfriend the impression that you guys might be more then friends and caused doubt on his behalf. However, he should not have been immature enough to retaliate back by talking to his ex and now say that he is withholding information on account of not wanting to hurt you because that just seems sneaky to me and I am not surprised that it would lead you to have some doubts over his intentions and the relationship. If he cared so much about not hurting you, why would he resort to talking to someone like his ex who is obviously stepping the boundaries when bringing her relationship problems to him and just the fact that she doesn't like you should be enough. There is a reason why these people are your ex's and both of you have appeared to choose them over your current relationship by refusing to move on from them and let them go. Why does this girl need to come to him with her problems when she has a bf (and I am sure that there has to be someone beyond him that she could go to)? Why is he so apt to be there for her and then not tell you the details? What was the extent of your relationship with your ex and how much information did you bf know about it? I mean there is clearly a lack of communication and if you guys, continue to go on like this, your relationship will be over quicker then it started. If you two really care about each other, you have to make the sacrifice of letting go of your past despite whether or not there is nothing there. You also have to open the gateway for communication by talking everything out and learning to find solutions or at least make compromises. You guys need to both put less effort into your ex's and more into each other and if you don't, you might as well kiss this relationship good-bye. I would definitely talk to him about the context of his relationship with this girl and tell him about your doubts and fears. I mean it looks like you might have already done this and rather then end it he just keeps the details from you, so I would proceed with caution. I mean if you guys can't respect each other, I would just suggest picking up and moving on but perhaps you just need to talk to him about how it bothers you without downright accusing him of cheating. Perhaps if he sees that you gave up your ex for the sake of the relationship, he will do the same and you can both move on to a happier and better future together. Good luck and take care:)

Answer 3

This is a hard and long question. I know this is hard to admit but maybe they are JUST friends. DO you have any solid proff that he is cheating on you? I know you feel this way cuz it happened befor and you dont want to feel that feeling again but relationships is about trusting your partner. But then again im not saying to ignore you gut feeling. If you feel that there is something going wrong comfront it. Sorry if this is no help:(

Answer 4

Honestly, I don't think he may BE IN LOVE with her...but I think he does have feelings for her, and while he likes you, he feels a connection to his ex because they used to date and because she needs someone to be there for her in her time of need. he probably has feelings for her. I'm not trying to tell you what to do, honestly, but I don't think you should stay with him unless it's completely honest. Someone that loves you should always be there for you, not their ex girlfriends. It could be that you are paranoid (who isn't one time or another) but I think you should take a break from him for a while, or break up with him, because he probably still has feelings for her, and just wants to help her in her time of need, but everyone needs someone who is always there for them and will do anything to see them. Best of luck and Happy Holidays ♥♥

Answer 5

well i ono souds stupid to me sounds like hes not puttin prioritys in the right order and also he seems like hes stupid as **** for going ot his ex anyway they are exs for a reason and i understand hes concerned but that doesnt mean he should keep going back to her bcus yea eventualy she might suduece him or sumthing of the sort

Answer 6

Your just a Paranoid Woman!!! He is Cheating!!!

Answer 7

He's cheating, or he flat out has no respect for you. Either way get rid of his a*& !!!

Answer 8

He needs to get things right with you. if not you need to break up with him

Answer 9

He's cheating.

Answer 10

He's a loser. dump him once and for all