Long distance relationship - would you move?

Question

I have been engaged for three years to a man that lives 2,000 miles away. He just moved there and is not moving here. I am scared to leave my job, my family, my friends to go there and be with him. He says that is the only option. He offered to move here once, but I could not ask him to do it at the time. He has a good job now, but he had problems holding a job in the past, that's why he moved to his new location. My family is extremely important to me and my mother is my best friend and they live 5 minutes away from me. Neither she nor my father are in the best of health and there are no other family members are here to take care of them when they are older. I can't eat, sleep, deal with this. I am in love with him and he is in love with me. Is love enough? I am 35 years old. I've never been married and I'd like to have children. I have known my fiance for over 10 years and know that he is very much in love with me. It would not be easy for me to come home very often.

Answer 1

Cut the cords baby. I think by 35 you should have the skills to weather bad breaks in life. If you don't then obviously around your family is not the place for you to be anyways.

Answer 2

Well I moved 2000 miles away from my family and the place I dreamed I would raise my family, for my husband. I have made the best of it and really feel like I made the right decision. Wel we are now going back. My husband is extremely hardworking and an excellent provider. I would never have to worry about him providing or struggling with job to job issues. If that were the case, I would have stayed put 9 years ago. I would really consider staying put. You are not his wife yet and you don't have that commitment and that reassurance that he will be supportive of this very mentally and physically draining experience. Things could go wrong and your relationship may not be able to handle the stress of you moving. You will be homesick and miss your family and he is the only one you will have to lean on. Love is not enough in this situation, you need love and the marriage. You don't have the marriage. I would encourage you to wait and see what happens with him. Being with him may not be worth what you are leaving behind. You are leaving behind everything you value and everyone you value for one person who you don't have a marriage with. Good luck and remember your family will always support you and if you are 2000 miles away you are going to miss that support.

Answer 3

This is a tough situation and one I am actually dealing with too. My boyfriend lives in Seattle, and I am in LA. I cannot really give much advice, except to say that sometimes you have to break away from family and live your own life. I moved from GA to CA and I have missed my family ever since, but I would not trade my experiences for the world. Plus, it sounds like you two are really in love.

One more thing...and this is going to sound a little strange, but I work for a new television show here in LA. We are looking for people who have some big news to share with friends or family and who want to find a creative way to do it.

My personal situation gave me the idea to search for people who might want to announce something huge to a long-distance significant other. I am not sure what you are deciding about your relationship, but if you think you might be moving to be with your fiance, we have a panel of people who would help you plan a surprise he would never forget.

I know this is a shot in the dark, but please get back to me if you are interested. My email is [e-mail]. And good luck with this situation either way. :)

Answer 4

It might, some people like the idea of seeing someone from a distance, so they can still have their freedom to a point. Once people start getting together and the person is always around, they may resent having that closesness all the time, and people tend to get a little possessive and want to know where your'e going, what time you'll be back and who you are with?

Answer 5

All I can really say at this moment is that I am very sorry to hear about your situation. I am only 16 but I know how it feels to not be able to see the one you love or your family. I recently moved back in with my mom. I moved aways from her in with my dad about 2 years ago and I couldn't handle it. I followed my heart and looked at my situation from a different point of view. I made the conclusion that I was an idiot for moving away from my mom. I am very happy now. Good luck.

Answer 6

I say move out and marry the man. I know it is hard to leave your parents, but this man could also be part of your family if you give it a chance. If you really do love him then yes that is all you need. Everything will work out with your parents as well. It might not be perfect, but you have to understand that there is a time in your life where you have to start working on your family. Your parents know that and they will support your decision.

Answer 7

No, I would not move. I stayed in my home town for the very same reason, however, I didn't have the long distance predicament that you have. But my brother didn't mind leaving at all, and this caused a bit of a rift between he and the rest of the family. I have stayed here and taken care of my parents and I'm glad I did. My brother is just now realizing his mistake. Whether or not you stay is your decision, but I suggest you think it over very carefully. Don't do something you'll later regret.

Answer 8

You say "he just moved there and is not moving here", so up until he moved, you were not far apart?

I would suggest you both plan for a compromise. Look for a location that is closer to home for you and provides good work opportunities for you both. Your family is most important and a man that truly loves you will compromise to make sure you are not abandoning critical things in your life just to be with him. If you moved out to him and something did happen to your parents, you could resent him for asking you to leave them without ever trying to negotiate something that doesn't require you both to lose .

Answer 9

I think that if you truly want to be with him, you would have been there already. But you are stalling for some reason, you have been engaged for 3 years now, and yet you live in a different state as the guy you are going to spend the rest of your life with. If it was me and my girlfriend, i would look at our relationship and ask is it really fair for either of us. Love can be enough, but most times it takes more then just love.

Answer 10

youre gonna have to work out something if you love this man. i would say move, and some how work out a plan to see your family once a month, or more often, its up to you. but are you definately getting married soon, cos the engagement has been quite long, i think. you are 35 and eventually you are gonna have to start your own family. Your parents wont be around forever, sorry to say.

Answer 11

sit down and write a list.. the pro's of moving, the con's of moving. which out ways the other?

if you moved would you be stuck there? can you move back home, pick up your old job/or get a new one? your family can come visit you, and you can always go home for visits.

some times in life you have to fight and work for what you want. life won't always fall in your lap. if a life with him is what you want, then put on the big girl panties and start your new life.. talk to him to find out the housing arangements.. do you need a place of your own, will you move in with him. what will the bills be? how fast can you find work?

best of luck