We've been going out for almost 5 years. My boyfriend is 3 years younger than me (he's 26) and I am ready to get engaged and get married now but he won't propose! We've talked about getting married and I think he wants it to happen but I feel like time is ticking and nothing is moving on for us. We live together and have done so for about 2 years now. Can I bug him about it and push him into it or is this a bad move?
2006-12-21 01:41:58 · 60 answers · asked by MJF 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Ok I'm gonna throw in some cliches now about taking it slow, but you probably already know these right? Nagging is a no-go, i've mentioned marriage countless numbers of times to my boyfriend, but at the end of the day you have to patient. One thing is for sure though, you're lucky that you've found someone you want to marry, some one you love and want to spend the rest of your life with...not everyone gets that chance! At least when he does ask, you'll be certain of the answer.
There's no point rushing things, just enjoy the time you spend together and don't get distracted by this one major desire, it'll make you feel frustrated and you'll project a different person to him from your usual calm and collected self. A wedding day is just one day, what you want is a marriage! hope this helps x
2006-12-21 01:53:20 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are going to drive him insane by nagging him and make him feel miserable and inadequate. This might push him into proposing to you but he will be regretting it from the time he does until you say your vows and for the rest of his life after that.
You can't make someone love you. It just happens in its own time, in its own way. We are led to believe that there is a fairytale ending for everyone, marriage and children and a happy life. Rising divorce rates prove that this is not reality and never has been for most people. Love is the exception to the rule, most people just make do with the hand they are dealt.
I'm sorry that you are searching for something that your partner cannot give you. That is a solid commitment. This is more about what you want for your future than anything else.
Have an honest discussion with him and tell him that you want to be married to him and have a secure future together. Tell him he must be clear concerning his reasons not to marry you.
If you want to be married, you may need to look elsewhere. Leave your current partner in order to find the person who can show you the love and commitment necessary to stay with you for the rest of your life and grow old with you. That is, if that's how you think of marriage, as a life long commitment.
A problem may be that you think marriage is about the wedding party and your partner sees it as it really is, a life long commitment to one person. Too many women see a romantic party rather than the love and commitment of married life. Thjought that'snot necessarily you.
Good luck, whatever you decide.
2006-12-21 01:54:18 · answer #2 · answered by Fluorescent 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It could be that he's waiting for the right time and place and if you constantly talk about it, he won't have the chance to surprise you.
I wouldn't bug him about it...because he might give in just to make you happy and as bad as it sounds, he shouldn't do it just to make you happy...he should do it because it would make BOTH of you happy. Bad move to push him into it because it would only be a source for ammo in fights at a later time to use against you if he feels you try to coerce him into things he's not ready for. He might feel that if he marries you then in the future his feelings, needs, wants and opinions will be overridden by you if you're a forceful person.
He might be waiting to be able to afford a nice ring for you too...there's so many reasons that no one knows but him but I would place money on if you be patient, he'll eventually come around. I know sometimes you probably want to give h im an ultimatum, but that would be a bad idea too.
You could propose to him though...it's a new era and I don't think there's anything wrong with a woman asking a man to marry her.
Good luck!! I hope you get that engagement ring for Christmas!!
2006-12-21 01:54:52 · answer #3 · answered by Chick-A- Deedle 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why would you want to get married? It's not all that, I should know, been there, done that.
Messy divorce and that's something you carry with you for the rest of your life, at least living together and not being married, if it all goes wrong, you just walk away.
I have lived with my current partner for 12 years, and he is 8 years younger, and it's him who keeps nagging me to get married, and it's really p*ssing me off, so I imagine your boyfriend feels the same.
Time is ticking for what? Do you have to be married by a certain age now? God help us.
Marriage will not make you move on. If you haven't got yourself together now and are settled, marriage will not change anything, after all, it's just another ring on your finger and a piece of paper gathering dust in your loft. Marriage doesn't mean anything.
2006-12-21 02:08:10 · answer #4 · answered by pampurredpuss 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's 26. I know some get married at that age but it seems so young! There's a lot of diference mentally between a 26 year old and a 29 year old. Slow down a bit. Give him a couple of years and he'll probably be thinking the same way as you. Nagging will just irritate him and push him into something he's obviously not ready for yet.
2006-12-21 01:53:40 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is so like my situation! I started bugging my boyfriend at about the 5 year point and we only got engaged a couple of weeks ago - 8 years in to the relationship!
Time isn't ticking, honestly, if you are meant to be together, just enjoy your relationship for what it is, don't be in a hurry! I do know how you feel, and you want them to give you some kind of sign that they arent just messing you around, waiting for the next best thing to come along, but you can't hurry love as Phil collins once said! He lives with you and has been with you for 5 years, living together for 2 - I would say he is committed to you!
2006-12-21 01:49:31 · answer #6 · answered by the cat 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
don't push too much to where it's any annoying topic.
Why don't you ease off of him about getting married, then one day when you are at the mall walk into a jewelry store. When you are in the jewelry store browse on through like you have no idea what your looking for. Then accidently come accross the engagement rings. Let one catch your eye and be amazed over it. I'm sure an employee will ask if they can help and show the ring to your boyfriend. Try it on look at it and give it back. then leave the store like it gets you a little upset but don't say anything about it or make a deal about it. It will get him thinking. Good luck.
2006-12-21 01:58:49 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i am in exactly the same position as you are right now so i know how hard that i is,i have been with my boyfriend for 2 and a half years known him for 4 and i so so want to get married and have kids, im 30 so feel my clock ticking,ive hinted and he says it will happen and be soon, this was like for the last few months, all the remarks from mates dont help either like when can we buy the hats!!But i had to think on this frpm his side to and this is my conclusion. He makes me happy, the happiest i have ever been, i want to spend my life with him and he makes me whole, it is his life as well and i respect that he has to do this at his own pace, to overcome fears he may have and to compromise if he has his way that he wants to do it i have to respect that of him, i , and im sure you have a genuine guy and if it was 'nt what he wanted you would know,you would get that feeling that he was stringing you along and im sure he isnt, so be patient and glad you have this great guy to spend your life with,you are lucky to have a love like you do, if you put this to the back of your mind it is more likely to happen and be more of a suprise, you never know... maybe that is what he is waiting for before he does it,good luck and may your wish and dreams come true.
2006-12-21 10:13:25 · answer #8 · answered by shadow 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why buy the cow when you get the milk free?
As I have seen in some of the answers, he is comfortable the way things are for him, why should he change anything?
The things is nowadays men get everything they want from women without being married and they can also take things for granted such as having their clothes ironed, their meals cooked etc... by their partners who work as well. And then, if the life is has been accustomed to becomes less 'cosy' partner tired of being the housekeeper as well as the lover, he can then move to somebody else because he is not married!
It is better to carefully consider where the relationship is going before even thinking of moving in with someone I believe. Living years together doesn't mean life forever, instead it is often for comfort of financial reasons.
2006-12-21 01:59:44 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know which is worse, living together for years and not getting a ring, or getting the ring and not setting the date for years. I too live with my boyfriend. We have been dating for going on 3 years and living together for 1. I still don't have a ring and I want one and we have talked about it too and he has said he wants to marry me, he just hasn't asked me yet. So I feel you in your situation. I would not "bug" him about it. Men don't like being nagged at about anything, whether it's being nagged about getting married or simply being nagged about keeping his laundry off the floor. Continue to drop hints here and there, that's what I do. Talk about it like serious civilized people. Nagging is definitely not the way to go and will likely backfire on you.
And to all of those people saying she shouldn't have moved in with the guy...you do realize that MOST couples nowadays do live together before getting married, right? I wouldn't dare marry a guy without first living with him and finding out first hand how he really is!! That's probably why divorce rates are so high, because so many people get married without REALLY knowing who their mate is!! Oh and I read yesterday that 95% of Americans have sex before getting married too. The times are changing people, you need to play catch up and get with the program!!!!
Just be patient. After all, "Good things come to those who wait."
2006-12-21 06:36:43 · answer #10 · answered by Beth 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋