I'm 25, and want to date a girl who's 20. She lives with her family, is going to college, and I met her while she worked at the coffee shop in the hospital I work at.
Her father, who happens to be a cop, has a huge issue with the age difference and has outright told her not to talk to me or do anything with me. The worst of it is he's said "He only wants to date you because he can't date anyone his own age," "He's only after 1 thing," and "What possible interest would a 25 year old have in you?" Which does nothing but destroy her selfesteem.
My intentions are totally honorable, she's a wonderful person, I know I'm falling for her, and it is definitely mutual between me and her. I keep hoping that he would meet me and find out who I am and not how old I am, but he refuses to meet me.
How do you handle this situation? Especially when you can't even get the chance to meet him.
2006-12-21 01:18:35 · 13 answers · asked by MattM 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
Time and patience. If your intentions are honorable then he will see it in time. She is daddy's little girl after all and he may be feeling like he is being replaced. Just take it easy and try to include him in things. That way he doesn't feel like you are stepping on his toes. He may also be afraid of seeing his little girl being used and hurt. There are alot of jerks out there so of course he is going to be over protective, specially since he's a man and knows what most men are like.
Try to show him that you are a responsible man who has balls. Talk to him without your girl being present and tell him how you feel about her. Don't say that you'll be with her no matter what he thinks but instead tell him that his support would mean alot to you and his daughter, and that you just want to make her happy.
2006-12-21 01:26:14 · answer #1 · answered by Ruth Less RN 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Well, I don't think that your age difference is a big deal. It's not like she's underage. What is your job at the hospital? I am not sure why he's making such a big deal about it. Is there anything that you have left out? If I were you, I would call him, if she's okay with it and let him know what you said here; that your intentions are honest and that you think HE has raised a wonderful girl. You can also assure him that you will pick her up (if he will allow you to go out with her), bring her back by her curfew time, and let him know what you plan to do. This one may be hard, since he's a cop but if you really like this girl, this will be a chance for you to prove yourself. I would not show up at the house, though. My husband is a cop and my daughter is going to have to go through this too! Cops are diiferent people b/c they see the bad in most people. So just talk to him and be respectful of his position on this and maybe he will see that you are a great guy for his precious daughter!!!!!!!! GOOD LUCK!!!!!!! Also have her talk to him about you.
2006-12-21 01:55:26 · answer #2 · answered by surelycoolgirl 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Make a meeting happen with him. Don't hope one will take place. Since he's a Policeman (not a cop) he is probably conservative. Be a man in front of him. Not some wimped out puke that our schools are turning out everyday. Say sir and no sir to him. He deserves the respect. That's his daughter you want to take out not his laundry! If you can't stand up to him like a man, he'll never respect you as one.
Talk to him about your intentions. Five years is not that much older in this case, so there has to be other issues. Get to know him. Let him know what's going on between you and his daughter. Let him know he can trust you to keep him informed.
The parents of every girl friend I ever had, liked me better than she eventually did because I made friends with them first.
2006-12-21 01:42:45 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
First of all, a 5 year age difference is not a bad thing. Especially when you are both grown, in college and working. She needs to learn to stand up to her father, and let him know that she is not a child any longer and he needs to stop treating her like one. she is capable of making her own decisions, and if he doesn't like that, then it is his own problem. Too many parents try to control their childrens lives once they are grown. A person will never make it in the world today without having a chance to make their own mistakes. As far as you meeting this man and having a chance to let him know you, send him a letter if he won't meet you. Is the girls mother in the picture? Appeal to her as well. Send some type of peace offering gift to them, a nice fruit basket, just something to show them that you are a decent guy. In the letter explain yourself to them. How you have come to care for their daughter and although you are a few years older than she is, your intentions are to get to know her and her family for the possibility of a lasting relationship. Hope it works out for you.
2006-12-21 01:38:53 · answer #4 · answered by Stephanie 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
It's ridiculous, you're the right age for her. I guess you'll have to get some courage to face him somehow (which might be easier said than done), or back off. He could be a reasonable man deep down, and if you call or try to talk to him, what can he really do, arrest you? On what charge? Punch you? I don't think it would look too hot. A faint heart does not win a fair maiden. Face the challenge or lose.
2006-12-21 01:24:26 · answer #5 · answered by Joe C 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Hmm.....that's tough. The only thing I can say is to be persistent. She's an adult and don't see why he is stuck on this older guy thing; you're only 5 years older than she.
Stay persistent. Stick with it and don't let him get the best of you. If you guys really like each other, there will be nothing he can do anyway. Love always makes a way.
One thing he will grow to respect about you is your seriousness with his daughter. He'll come around. You'll have to wear him down.
Good luck!
2006-12-21 01:23:25 · answer #6 · answered by Bathroom Graffiti 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I would meet with him. Show him the great things about you, show him respect, and responsibility. Show him the reason why he would want you to date his daughter. I know this doesn't sound like fun, but be willing to spend time with her and her family, including her father.
Good luck, and I hope this helps you!
2006-12-21 05:48:18 · answer #7 · answered by Nursesomeday 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Quite honestly, she needs to grow balls and stand up to her father. She's 20 for Pete's sake! She is a legal adult. Her father is beyond overprotective, he's controlling. Since he wishes to continue to treat her like a child and control all aspects of her life, she needs to make a decision of whether to continue to put up with that or move out on her own and run her own life. If I were you, I'd give her the room to make these decisions. My dad's a cop too (actually, he just retired), but he never tried that with me!
2006-12-21 01:28:12 · answer #8 · answered by Sunidaze 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Try knocking on his door, if he answers you get to meet him. Otherwise keep trying to date her and eventually the father will have to give his daughter some form of freedom to do as she wishes. They say that behind every successful man is a woman, so forget the dad as an alternative and meet the girls mother.
2006-12-21 01:22:53 · answer #9 · answered by Mr. PDQ 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Well,first of all,you have to understand your gf's father. He maybe just thinking of her daughter's future because she is still studying. Come to the point that any time,you're gf's father will be appealed someday..
2006-12-21 01:26:31 · answer #10 · answered by Earl Francis V 1 · 0⤊ 2⤋