What to tell a 5 year old about how babies get in your belly?

Question

My husbands son is 5 and we are going to tell him that he's about to have a new brother and sister. He knows that babies are inside they're mummies bellies, but what do we say when he askes how they got in there? When do decide to have a baby in your belly, how does it happen? Don't want to go into much detail, it might just confuse the hell out of him, or scare him!!!

He lives with his mother and we see him on weekends. How do you explain that his daddy will now be daddy to other children and his mummy will be nothing and I will be the twins mummy?

I'm 25 weeks pregnant and pretty big,so we cant hide it from him much longer. Please i need some serious answers, the ex wife is pretty nasty and she's not gonna appriciate us telling her son and making him feel like he wasn't meant to be, or less loved in any way.
HELP!!!!!!!!

Answer 1

Tell him the truth..but dont go into details. I would stay away from stories about the stork or crazy things like that. When I was pregnant, we told our older son that the baby was in there and that that is where they grow until they are big enough to live outside the mommy. He never asked how it got in there...but if he had we wouldv'e said that daddy helped put it in there and that's how God makes babies.

As for the complicated situation with his dad...don't worry. Many kids come from non-traditional families and cope just fine with it. My neice has 2 dads and she's OK with that. My son (who is from a traditional 2 parent family) doesn't quite get it..but it works for her. He will be fine. Don't worry too much. Congrats on the babies!

Answer 2

I think it's best to be completely honest. Don't make up a story, kids can often tell when an adult lies. I'm not saying you need to be explicit or go into very much detail but keep it honest. It needs to be your words, something you would feel comfortable saying but I guess something along the lines of "Because Daddy and I love each other lots we made a baby in my belly...". No real ins and outs or fancy stuff very simple and very matter of fact. Of course he may not even ask where the baby came from!

Also make sure you put it in a way that makes it a positive for him "YOUR going to have a new brother or sister" and talk about what he might do with the baby and how he can be a fantastic big brother. He needs to feel the baby is as much his and it is yours.

One last thing, when the baby comes, make sure you have a present for him from the baby, get off on a good footing.

Hope that helps.




------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Find the best loans, credit cards, bank accounts and mortgages at BlueJumperFinance.com

Answer 3

Keep it simple and only answer the questions he asks. Such as "How do babys get in their" "Daddy plants a seed and it grows into a baby in my tummy". That's it I doubt that a five year old will want you to elaborate on that.

As for his mother you can easily make him feel loved and needed after all he will be the special big brother!! Make a fuss ask him what present he would like to buy for his sisters/brothers. Let him know that he will play a big part being the big brother and that he is very much a part of this family. Let him know that he is special because he has his mummy who loves him and he has his daddy and you who love him too. I'm sure it will all work out and at the end of the day if his mother really is that nasty he will grow to resent her not you and the babies.

Answer 4

There are several good books that will help you explain your pregnancy (see link). They vary in detail but all keep in on a level they can deal with.

I think it's nice to explain where babies come from by using a book to explain how HE was born (not the new babies), showing him photos from the book and even his own baby pictures,

Say something like: "See? Here is how little you were and you had to be taken care of. Now you're a big boy and you're ready to be a big brother!"

I don't think you have to go into detail about his mother not being the new babies' mother, etc. If she's nasty about it, take the high road, tell your step-son that his parents love him very much and remind him how glad you are that HE is going to be the big brother.

Answer 5

I told my kids the basic facts. Mummy and Daddy have special cuddles, and Daddy puts his penis into Mummy's hole and then sometimes a baby grows.

There are several great books aimed at his age group. Usbourne publish one, and there used to be a Dr Seuss version, but I think that is out of print. (I remember it from when I was a child!).

I would avoid mentioning his other mummy, and major on him being a brother. Let him feel the babies kick, and try letting him listen for their heartbeats when he asks awkward questions, and that gives you time to think of an appropriate answer. You could ask his opinion on names, but only if you are going to act on his suggestions. Maybe say "Do you prefer David or Daniel?" rather than end up with him suggesting Ketchup or Doctor Who!

Remind him that you love him lots and lots, and there is room in your hearts to love lots of people. Also, ask visitors if they are bringing a present for the babies to bring a present for him as well, so he doesn't feel left out. Speak to your parents, and ask them to make a point of hugging him, and playing with him, to avoid him feeling displaced. Also, if it is likely that you deliver on a weekend, make sure he knows that, and see if perhaps he could go to his grandparents, or other relatives.

Hope all goes well.

Answer 6

You should always be honest with your children. If they ask a question you want them to know the truth from YOU (not from school or incorrect stuff from friends). But, at this age answer with simple answers and only answer the actual questions that he asks. As he gets older and asks more questions do the same.

As for feeling jealous, that is natural. He may be for a bit, so just constantly reassure him. Maybe have a special "daddy, son day".
Also, make it exciting for him. Maybe helping choose a middle name or taking him to pick out outfits for the babies, etc. He will be very excited to be a big brother!! Congrats!

Answer 7

If he asks, which he might not ... tell him that Daddy planted a seed in my tummy, and the baby grows inside my tummy to keep warm until he is ready.Then you go to the hospital and the doctor helps the babies out! Explain to the little boy that Daddy planted two seeds, so he is going to have two babies of his own. I wouldn't even go near the half brother story ... just let him believe that he is the big brother!! Build on that side. I have a little girl who has a different father to my older three, but they themselves consider themselves brother and sisters!! Answer each of his questions as simply as possible, as their little minds don't digest as an adult would. He may not even ask the questions you would expect. Just make sure you involve him as big brother!! That will probably be enough to occupy his mind! If he is really enquiring, and wants to know how ... just say when two grown up people love each other, they can have babies!
Good luck with the pending birth and enjoy the delight of the little chap when he discovers he is going to be a BIG brother!!

Answer 8

Either way he may get a little upset, but tell him the seed thing (thats if he even asked how it got there)
and make sure he is a big part of your pregnancy let him look forward to his new bro or sister just as much as you and your husband are, he can feel your tum and look at the pictures help with the nursery etc,
and when the baby is born dont push him to the side and fuss over the baby get him a present and say it is from the new baby,
And if family come round to see the new baby ask them to get a little something for him too.
Im sure if he is anything like my son he would love a little brother or sister, and as long as you treat them both the same you will have no problems.

Good luck xx

Answer 9

I wouldn't worry too much about the biology aspect. I'd be far more concerned and more likely to concentrate on the psycological aspect of his dad, being a dad again and the concept of 'step' siblings.

If you're gonna talk to him at all, concentrate on the "We-still-love-you-and-you're-always-going-to-be-as-important-to-us etc etc" rather than the concept of babies in tummys. At 5 the mere fact that he knows that babies grow in mummies tummys is quite enough.

Answer 10

At five, I doubt much he's interested in the big details and technical info. He will likely just accept it all on faith that you are having twins. In the event he does ask for more information,listen carefully to his question and answer it honestly and as detailed as a 5 year old can understand. I've answered this same question with my own, 5 times all together. The answer we used was that when a mom and dad love each other, their special love creates a baby. Babies need a special place to grow until they are ready to be born, and that special place is inside mom's body. When the baby is ready to be born, he/she- or in your case, they, let the mother know it's time. At the hospital, the doctor/midwife helps the mother bring the babies out of the special place they have grown. There you have the basic honest answer, without all the sticky details they aren't ready for. If you get into the habit of listening to exactly what is being asked, you will know exactly what information they want. In our family, with our oldest son, we got a good reminder of just that, right before our third child was born. He was 7 at the time, and at the table one night, he asked where he came from. My husband and I started in one the explainations, to which he very impatiently told us that he didn't mean the bit about where babies came from. He wanted to know the name of the city where he was born!
I shouldn't think the explaination would make him feel any less loved or important, in fact if you handle it right, he should feel quite special and important. Get him a shirt and some fabric paint, and paint "I'm the big brother" on it. Tell him that he is so special and wonderful that you just know the new babies will be too. After all, they will be part of him too. It's really all in how you present it. To head off the mum being nasty about the revelation, you could tell her ahead of time when you plan to broach the subject with him. Tell her you can't very well just bring him in the weekend after they're born and present them like some new furniture you just purchased. As long as you aren't getting into a real birds and bees discussion, I don't really see where she would have room to fuss. Though perhaps you should broach that subject now, before it becomes an issue. He is her son as well, and she should be involved in how and what she wishes to be presented. I'd approach her in as calm and adult a manner as you possibly can, and present this as a rational matter for rational discussion.
Really though, I wouldn't sweat or anticipate a lot of detailed questions. Five year olds really don't have a good sense of time, and they aren't really that observant as to changes in your size. Although you think you are getting huge, he isn't likely to pay much mind to it until you are really big. He probably doesn't quite get the whole month time frame, so you need to put the due date in terms nearer a holiday or other special occasion he'd be more familiar with. To a five year old, a few days is a long time, and a month is just as good as never, the whole time concept with that age is pretty nefarious.
You can also check out the bookstores for books about becoming a big brother/sister, as well as books written on the topic of babies- the wheres and hows, written especially for children. Some of them are quite humorous, and fit the bill perfectly. We have one with the Bernstein Bears, not too detailed as to the hows, but lots of good nature about life just before and after baby comes. Ours loved it at his age. So that's one option to help break the topic.
Congratulations on the pending arrivals, and don't worry too much about how the older son takes to the idea. He likely won't mind at all, and will be excited if you can put the whole idea in a positive light. Handle the questions that come up honestly, and straightforwards, in terms he can understand. Don't volunteer more information than he asks for, and you will all do fine.