My brother is 42 yrs old and has spent the last 15 yrs bumming around the country with a drug and alcohol problem. He recently came home for the holidays and had a HUGE fight with our mother. Appearantly there were some extremely harsh things said and my mom felt physically threatened by him. My mom has since canceled the family get-to-gether. How can I help him and try and salvage our holiday?
2006-12-21 01:08:16 · 11 answers · asked by DitziD 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
After the Holidays, go to Al-anon so that you can learn all about the behavior of alcoholics and learn how to set proper limits on him. There is no reason that he should have been around the family if you have a good understanding of an addict.
Tell your mother to have the family get-together and cancel the brother's invitation. It makes no sense to have the addict dictate whether you guys get together or not. He has a 15-year track record of bad decisions, so putting the decision of having or not having the get-together (indirectly) in his hands is a mistake. Go on with your life and celebrate.
Over the 15 years of using, he has had plenty of people tell him how to help himself, but he has ignored them all. He will ignore you too. Go on and enjoy the Holidays, and if he tries to send you on a guilt trip, decline the offer and give him the number to AA: (212) 870-3400.
2006-12-21 08:57:00 · answer #1 · answered by adamsjrcn 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't help an alcoholic or drug addict unless they want help. I know this is hard (I have a sister with the same problem) but you can only let them go... the quicker they hit rock bottom, the quicker they may get help... Why not try talking to your mom instead? Perhaps you can have your family get together anyway and only have your brother come over towards the end. You might want to tell your mom that it is really unfair to punish everyone for one problem son....
The only other thing you can do is love your brother... you can try talking to him but definitely don't do it if he's under the influence... that'll only hurt you.
I feel for you..... sorry you have to deal with this but basically, you might want to try going to Al-Anon... Good luck and I hope you have peaceful holidays.
2006-12-21 09:15:26 · answer #2 · answered by The ReDesign Diva 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Salvage your family health by throwing his **** in rehab ... family or the ideal of family is completely lost when there is an individual such as your brother in the midst of things .... tell him to go get help or dont come back ... and under no circumstances allow you brother or anyone to threaten your mother, in amy way!!!!
2006-12-21 09:21:59 · answer #3 · answered by Eamon35 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
it is a difficult situation and honestly for him there is not much you can do he has to want the help keep asking him to seek help and tell him how much he hurts the family but like i said he has to want it. talk with your mom maybe have the family get together at your house.Some times one has to hit rock bottom before they will seek help. Don't give up and let him know you love him but that's all you can do. good luck to you and your family.
2006-12-21 09:15:53 · answer #4 · answered by benny619 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you cannot help him. tell him you are willing to talk to him over the phone or at a neutral location but he is not welcome in your home until he gets help. he has chosen the bottle over his family & he has to live with that. don't allow his choices to mess your your life or get dragged down trying to "help" him. ask your mom if it okay to come over for the holidays or you guys all get together & go out.
2006-12-21 09:59:01 · answer #5 · answered by L. 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
my brother had the same problem and the only thing i can say is that nobody can make him do it he has to want to do it for himself my brother has been sober now for almost 8 years so that is all God Bless and the best of luck to you all
2006-12-21 09:52:17 · answer #6 · answered by bay_robin 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
think of yourself this holiday season and throw a bottle of booze @ your brothers head
2006-12-21 09:41:39 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't, he has to want to stop himself....... You could try talking to him but it make make it worst.
My best friends mother has an achohol problems and she is living with her to try and help but it's horrible. The mother doesn't want to stop and no one can make her.
2006-12-21 09:11:17 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Intervention!!
2006-12-21 09:11:38 · answer #9 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Get him in therapy... But Christmas is cancelled for you all now.. :D Live with it...
2006-12-21 09:10:41 · answer #10 · answered by Forlorn Hope 7 · 0⤊ 3⤋