Mother-in-law.....controling Christmas plans......Help anyone?

Question

Each year we spend Christmas Eve with my (large) side of the family, then we spend Christmas morning with our immediate family (me, husband, sons)...then, Christmas afternoon, we travel to In-laws to spend a few days with them.

Well, this year, my mother-in-law sold her beautiful home for a home too small to accomodate our family (more expensive home, nonetheless). She is expecting to come to our house this year and be here while we celebrate with my side of the family, etc. Like always, my husband is siding with her.

Now, I know She and her husband are family, but, It's hard to be happy about inviting someone who tries to control everything all the time. Additionally, she has always chosen to celebrate holidays with her friends over family. This year, friends are not around, so she is trying to push her way into our plans. I am a little disgruntled to say the least.

How would you handle this?

Answer 1

Sit down and have a heart-to-heart and talk to your husband about it. Don't get excited or mad, just tell him in a heartfelt way that you would really like to have some time with just your family. If he's not man enough to talk to his mother, then you can express your disappointment to him, but I'd just grin and bear it, make the most of it while everyone is around, and don't make a scene. Hopefully he'll see that you're trying to be hospitable and trying to do the right thing and not being selfish and maybe he'll be more willing to do it your way next time.

Answer 2

The problem you have doesn't seem to be a problem with the inlaws... but with your husband... and unless you want to fight with him during the Holidays, you may just have to grin and bear it. It also seems as if you are a bit upset about the more expensive home they bought. They seem to have some money, so why not set them up at a really nice hotel, have a nice meal sent to their room and a bottle of bubbly... this way, you can still have your time with your family and the inlaws won't intrude. You could offer the hotel, etc as a gift to the inlaws... it's hard for someone to refuse a gift nicely.

The only other option I see is to decide to have happy holidays, no matter what your inlaws do. If you let them get to you, you will suffer. And if you have a large family as you say you do, the inlaws won't be able to control much unless you give them that power.

One thing you might want to remember is this: Christmas is a time for sharing... Are you gonna be Scrooge...???

Answer 3

If your husband takes your mother in-law's side, then the problem is not with your mother in-law; it's with your husband. Your husband is supposed to be "forsaking all others," and that includes his mother.

Ask him to handle his mother. If he won't, smile a lot and know that this will soon be over. Don't spend too much time getting worked up over something you cannot control. Enjoy every other part of the Holidays.

Answer 4

As far as selling her home, that was her decision to make and there's nothing wrong with you and your husband staying in a hotel. Think of that as a nice getaway from her controlling attitude! You say you have a large family. What's the difference in there being only two more people? Just think. With that many people around you don't have to spend that much time alone with her.

Answer 5

I understand your frustration, but please keep in mind the TRUE spirit of Christmas. I know how hard it is to deal with a controlling mother-in-law (of course, I have to admit that I'm trying to work the "control freak" out of my own personality, with God's help.) Welcome her into your home, if for no other reason than out of respect & love for your husband, but be tactfully clear that she is there as a guest in YOUR home and she will be expected to behave as such. Your husband is NOT his mommy's little boy anymore - he is a grown man and he is YOUR husband now. He has a godly responsibility to support your position on the matter. If his mother tries to take control of any situation during her visit, simply say something like "I appreciate your enthusiasm, but I have everything under control. You're the guest - you go relax and enjoy yourself. I'll let you know if I need anything."

Answer 6

I know how you feel my mother in law is the same in many way...keyword..selfish. My mother in law is alll about family now and wants us at her house for all the holidays and if she could have it her way she would leave my falily out. I had to fight for spliting the holidays because she felt basiclly all the holiday time was hers.A few years ago she didn't want to spend holiday time because she spent it with her boyfriend at the time and his family. You need to stick up for your self with things you feel are important. As my mom says you need to pick your battles because there will be many. Fight for the ones that are most important to you. If you don't she will control everything.

Answer 7

I hear you.... it's not nice to be wanted when Nothing better around for her to do. It's horrible but I'll tell you what I do... MIMOSA- some champange and orange juice. It takes the edge off. I have problem where my inlaws constantly compare themselves to my parents- like how much time we spend there and ect... It drives me nut becuase my finace family- didn't RAISE him. His mother left him with an abusive father and ran off.... when he was 15 years old his father toss him to the streets after beating him and he found his Real mother- he lived there until his mother chuck him out at 18 because her daughter came home with 2 babies, a boyfriend in jail and no job. So she claimed she couldn't afford them all- so out he went. LOL- sorry you got me babbling!! But it makes ME so MAD when his mom makes comments about my family or how I favor my parents. Hello- you only knew your son for 15 years..... I have friends I have known longer!!

But I KNOW how insane inlaws can drive you!! You just got to keep control and give her some orange juice to settle her down :)

Answer 8

you first need to speak to your husband about it and make your feelings toward the situation well known.. and then in the end you might end up having to compromise.. there is never a good solution to a problem with a mother in law.. especially when you say that your husband sides with her on this.

Answer 9

i think you need to welcome her with open arms ! she is family and who cares about how things ran in the past!
She may be a little controling! but you only have to deal with it for 1 day not a life time!
I personally think your being selfish!
I know it's always has been with yourside of the family !how do youthink your partner things about that?
not what he tells you how do you think he feels!
Your feeling something simular i'm sure!
In what ways does she control things! does she tell people to do stupid stuff or stuff that needs to be done anyway!

my mom is this way! she just likes to be incontrol even though she can't control her emtions or anything else about her!
I do think you need to look at the big photo... sorry to side with your husband but she is family! I mean put yourself in her shoes! or think about it being your mom! Your not going to leave her alone on a hoilday are you?
your husband isn't going to do that to his mom!
and you should be there for him!
if you love him as much as you did when you said ido there shouldn';t be a problem!
I wish you the best of luck!
and just bit your toungue and welcome her!
she needs a family this year! help her out don't be a crinch because things are not being done the tradishional way!

Answer 10

I think that you should be nice to her and try to see the good qualities in her. Its Christmas and in the spirit of goodwill to all, treat as you would like to be treated. You will have taken the high road and been a good daughter-in-law. Besides, its only for a few days.