We try to talk to one another but it always ends up in an arguement. I thank it's because she knows deep down i'm saying what is true. She has the whole house in tormerl and upsets us all. My mother is 58 yrs old and she can't handle her mouth. We have tried a counsler but that did'nt help any and she's on meds that seem not to be helping. Please help us.
2006-12-21 00:11:41 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
First of all "punch her out" is NOT the answer! (It's ok to FEEL like doing that, but don't ACT on those feelings unless you're punching a pillow!) You don't say how old your daughter is, but let me assure you - I can truly relate to your situation and my heart & prayers are with you. If your daughter is a minor and you have tried everything from patience, to counseling, to meds, the next step is filing "unruly juvenile" charges against her. It is very hard emotionally, but I had to do this with my oldest daughter when she was 16 and it was probably one of the most difficult decisions I have ever made. The courts put her on probation for 90 days and she had to go to counseling, but the parts that were most effective was 1) she knew that her probation officer would turn up unannounced at school or at her job or at home, just to make sure she was where she was supposed to be - and 2)the fact that she was made aware that the courts were being lenient with her since she'd never been in trouble before, but if she resumed her old behavior after her probation was over, she'd go to juvy. Once her probation was over, we never had another problem with her through the rest of her high school years! Believe it or not, we discovered that it is actually against the law for a minor child to be disobedient to their parents, and if the parents are providing a stable, non-abusive homelife, the courts will support the parents. If your daughter is not a minor, kick her out. What my youngest daughter learned from my oldest daughter's experience was "wait until you're 18 to be disobedient /disrespectful." She is 21 now and SHE the one keeping our home in emotional turmoil / strife (when she's home, that is) but we have to take into consideration that she has a 2 year old daughter and no place else to go. Otherwise, her stuff would be packed & set out, the locks on the house would be changed, and she would find out the hard way what it really means to be a mature adult. We love both of them dearly, but our grandbaby is defenseless. SOMEBODY has to take care of her, because her mother is emotionally immature and self-centered. You're right - your daughter knows deep down that what you're saying is true. A lot of her problem is most likely a low-self esteem issue. Fortunately, we have been able to talk to our daughter once she calms down from her fits - and she has admitted at times that she knows we're right and that she isn't ready for the responsibility of motherhood. To kick our daughter out would involve removing our granddaughter from the only stable, loving home environment she's ever known, and that's just not an option. Take custody? We probably could with little or no trouble, but what would that do to our granddaughter? She loves us, but she loves her mommy too. So my advice to you is, if your daughter is a minor, take action NOW, while you still have a little control over the situation. It SHOULD be easier once our children become adults, but that isn't always true....
2006-12-21 01:29:51 · answer #1 · answered by Romans 8:28 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well first of all I would sit my daughter down and get to the bottom of what is bothering her. See where the anger is coming from as there is definitely anger there. Also, remember that it takes two to argue. When things start getting heated walk away and cool off first. You are the adult and should be setting an example for your daughter. I would sit on my daughter's bed and say okay spill it what is bothering you and I have all day to sit here with you and I will sit here as long as I have to. Let her talk and don't say anything no matter what she says---it is most important to let her speak---and once she starts she will feel better and speak more if you don't interrupt her and maybe you can get to the bottom of where her anger is coming from. Then you can work with her to help her with whatever is bothering her.
I know this works as it is what I did with my daughter one day. It was a pretty serious problem outside of our household. But, once my daughter let me know what was upsetting her she felt better and she has dealt with the problem the best she can.
Don't delay talk to your child well actually listen to her. It can be something very serious and also could be something simple.
Just show her that no matter what she says you love her and you are going to listen to her and not tell her she is wrong. Remember these are her feelings and she is entitled to them no matter if they are right or wrong.
Good luck and I hope for your daughter's sake this advice helps.
The meds may not be working as it may be that she don't need meds she needs her MOM!!!!
2006-12-21 09:02:07 · answer #2 · answered by jacksonpappyswoman 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
When dealing with a daughter you have to understand that they are looking for some of their own room. Ask her what makes her most upset and try to handle. Though she may say things that might hurt just talk to her and try to understand what she is saying might be true too. She is older now and needs to be treated that way. I suggest setting a later curfew and allow her more freedom. Though I am saying this you still need to be cautious I know you love her and should watch out for her while letting her be herself. Love is hard and you need to set somethings free so they come back to you. Try to ignore her sometimes when she starts an argument and talk to her after she has cooled down. This will let you know why she got mad without starting another fight.
2006-12-21 08:20:00 · answer #3 · answered by Dr.Neo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Perhaps you need to learn to back off when you see your daughter becomming upset and try to have the conversation later. No way to stop the arguing if you do not listen to your daughters views and respect them.
2006-12-21 08:52:59 · answer #4 · answered by badmikey4 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she has a mental disorder, then speak with her psychiatrist and get some tips on ways to deal with her. And you don't always have to prove to her that you are right. Isn't just knowing that you are correct enough. God bless****
2006-12-21 08:31:22 · answer #5 · answered by ? 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take her with you outing often, it will relax her more
2006-12-21 08:17:47 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Punch her out!
2006-12-21 08:13:37 · answer #7 · answered by the_pharaoh109 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋