i love him with all my heart,we've been married for 4 months, together for 2yrs and known each other since we were 12yrs old.he just doesnt understand how i want some romance.i keep buying lingerie,oils,perfumes all types of things and he just falls asleep or say some other time.he thinks romance is smacking me on the butt when i walk by or making me dinner when i get off from work but i do the same for him when im off and he works.im tired of being dissapointed and feeling rejected.he just doesnt get it.he left for work without me saying anything to him and i hate when we dont speak but he totally blew me off last night after he been promising me a night of romance.it wasnt like this in the beggining.any advice?
2006-12-20 23:51:46 · 23 answers · asked by mrs.dynomite 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
alot of people are suggesting a suprise weekend get away,been there,done that.i went all out and afterwards it was back to reality
2006-12-21 01:04:04 · update #1
Romance means different things to different people. You need to sit him down and tell him what you exect. Talk about it and figure out what each of you need from each other. Use descriptive words. Phrases like, "I need to be swept off my feet" are not helpful. If my wife said that to me, I'd go get the broom and start sweeping her feet. Phrases like, "I want to be lifted up and carried over the threshold of our bedroom," are a lot better.
If any statement you say can be interpreted more than one way, then you have to give him credit for however he interprets it. At that point, it is you who did not communicate, not him who didn't understand. If you say "I want to be swept off my feet," and he does go get the broom, then thank him for the effort and do exactly whatever you would have done if he had interpreted you correctly.
2006-12-21 02:23:43 · answer #1 · answered by Sean J 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Please read this book which may help you understand him: Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus.
Man has a tendency to withdraw for a while when he has peaked emotionally. He will withdraw more if you chase him. Let him withdraw for a while and he will come back with equal force. He needs a little rest before he climbs the next peak.
I know how you feel. You may be thinking that he will not come back to you or you may be wondering what you did wrong. Nothing of that sort. He will come back sooner than you think. He loves you as much as you love him. Don't worry. This is a man's natural behaviour. You go enjoy yourself shopping or spending time with your girl friends for a while. Don't brood over him.
4 months into marriage is not a long time. You have to live together for many decades. You will understand more after you read that book.
Wish you a happy married life and Merry Christmas.
2006-12-21 05:54:30 · answer #2 · answered by StraightDrive 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hon, it really is true: Women are from Venus and Men are from Mars - in other words, it's a bloody miracle we ever get together at all! Part of the problem is we don't communicate. Women often appear to think we can read their minds and should "just know" what they want and need. Of course, we can't. One purpose - a major purpose, in fact - of couples counseling is to help the couple LEARN to communicate. It might help you two. And it's sad but true - some men are so wrapped up in themselves that dealing with your issues are just too much for them. Those guys need to go back to their mommies and grow up! Actually, there's very little you can do with such guys other than to inform them that unlessl attitudes change - and quickly - you are leaving. Permanently. You do realize, I hope, how very very hard it is for a guy to manage when his wife is not happy. He may honestly have no clue as to what to do for you, with you or about you. Again, couples counseling may help with that. All you can do is try...
2016-05-23 04:35:57 · answer #3 · answered by Kelly 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, here I go....There is something wrong here. Most men will want sex if not romance more often then their mates. Whats going on here. Something has turned him off and you both need to address the problem. Is he afraid to impregnate you...does he not want children? Is he mentally stressed about his job? Has he or you gained or lost too much weight? Is he clinically depressed? Are you making more money than he? These are just a few questions and may be totally off the mark, but there is something going on in him that needs to be addressed. Maybe making an appointment with a councilor is you next best step.
2006-12-21 00:58:13 · answer #4 · answered by Adrienne C 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Pssst... My phone number is 1-800-iwantu.
Hehe... lol
Ummm, every woman I've ever dated used to rave about how romantic I am.
Then after moving in together they stop using the frilly nighties, oils, perfumes, etc., and it all fades away... And I'm accused of not being romantic.
Early in relationships I've been told I'm the most amazing lover they've ever come across... How romantic I am, how sincere, loving, compassionate... Then it all goes away within a couple weeks of moving in together.
I haven't changed... They have.
It drives me nuts! So I know how you feel.
Advice? All I can say is I've made some poor choices in life and while I regret them, I still have to learn by them. Since I just turned 44-yrs-old, I can safely admit there's no way of telling if a person I fall in love with will change after we move in together.
That includes marriage too by the way.
A solution? So far I've not come across any myself, except to know that I'm not going to change my behavior in the romance department and if someone else changes... I'm hell to live with.
2006-12-21 01:26:40 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
i empathize with you sister.
i think that after the 'vanity' wears off that alot of guys ( guys don't get mad if this doesn't pertain to you), forget that women are emotional, men are logical.
we want to feel loved, appreciated, attracted to.
they 'think' that you should know this by now after all the time you've been together.
it's hard to know what is going through his head, maybe he had a hard day at work,or something is bothering him.
at least he is trying with the smacking of the bum, and dinner making. some women don't even get that anymore(uh, you are speaking to one)
i get very disappointed, and frustrated, but he probably doesn''t mean for it to come across as it does.
remember in everything that you do about the men being logical, and women being emotional. we will never think alike and probably never will.
i wish i had 'real' advice to give, but all i have is a 'semi' explanation.
good luck, and i hope your mate shows you what you need.
Merry Christmas!!
2006-12-21 00:02:31 · answer #6 · answered by lil' angel 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The way it works when we marry, husband gets in his comfort zone.I think we women go Thur the same thing.Make a weekend get away and make sure there are no phones no TV.Pack a few items hide it in the car and when he gets home just tell him that you need for him to go with you to the store or just want to have dinner make sure you are the one to drive once you get there he can't say no.He will love that idea so much that he will want to con tine doing the weekend get away at least once a month. good luck.
2006-12-21 00:18:23 · answer #7 · answered by gigi 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How is your husband's health? It's possible that he's hiding something from you. Take the focus off of your feelings of rejection and consider what he might be going through. Does he seem tired most of the time? Is he a bit irritable and sometimes distant? Does he avoid romantic settings? Talk to your husband. Ask him how he's been feeling. It's possible that he's suffering with impotency, resulting from some other health problem.
2006-12-21 00:19:14 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your husband is ignorant. Get a boyfriend. If you get something outside the marriage that you are not getting inside the marriage, he's only to blame. He needs a wake-up call. Only 4 months into the marriage. That's what you get from having all that premarital sex with him. You are expecting him to act like a newlywed and he's already been tapping that for the past two years.
2006-12-21 00:39:07 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would suggest that when it is he that approaches you for "romance", politely decline and use that as an opportunity to inform him that sex begins before partners reach the bedroom. If he doesn't understand, tell him in your own words that just "getting it on" is for teenagers and romance is what gets you in the mood.
It's possible that his job demands are making him unresponsive. If he is depressed, that could get in the way too.
DISCLAIMER: I don't presume to know you, this is just a suggestion.
2006-12-20 23:59:42 · answer #10 · answered by Awesome Bill 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋