I FEEL SO ALONE?

Question

My little girl died last year aged 2 and a half.She was born with many things wrong with her and when she finally came out of hospital after a very long 6 months she went to live with my mum as i was 19 when I had her and was in a violent relationship.I visited Charlie most days at my mums and tried to bond with her which was very hard as the whole six months she was moved to several hospitals and always on machines, then living with my mum away from me.Now shes gone, and I cry most of the time even though I have a new partner and my two sons josh 6 and oliver 6 months because I feel so alone.Everyone feels sad for my mum and not me I know this sounds like jealousy but I was her mummy and no one can take that from me. No-one will know how I feel unless they have been in the same situation them self. Please help me.Desperate mum 24

Answer 1

hmm I'm very sorry for your loss, maybe you should speak to someone trained, like a social worker/grief counsellor rather then uneducated strangers who could make things seem worse...

Answer 2

I feel terrible for you. I have the same situation with a 5 year old, except she is still living. But everyone forgets that she is my daughter, and it's not jealousy, it's a parental instinct. You are that babies mom. No matter what people think. I understand you so well. because it was hard for me to bond with my first daughter because she was also in hospitals for about 6 months. She was born 3 months early. Then when she came home she lived with me for about 9 months, and then she started staying with my mom because I worked so much, and it eventually turned into her just living there because I was working 2 jobs a day. Her father didn't help at all and she still lives with my mom because everyone is so used to her being there, and they wont let her go. It's hard. And harder for you because you lost yours. I am so sorry. Counseling prolly wont help you for a while, because you have to just let your feelings come out. maybe after a while when you can finally move on, then counseling may work. but i couldn't imagine losing a child. it would be the worst feeling in the world. I am so sorry and will pray for you. Because i wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy. Stay strong sweet heart. Focus on your other 2 children, they need you too. And keep her in your heart. You can go visit her and still talk to her. This is actually starting to make me tear up. I am so sorry.

Answer 3

Wow, that's tough! Yes, you have a right to feel that way but you must understand that it's hard for your mom too. I would start talking instead of waititng for someone to talk to you. Remember a closed mouth don't get fed. If you need support wich that's what it sound's like then let it be known that this is in fact a very hard time for you. If the people around you are loving and understanding then they will come around. Also you can go to the free clinic near you a request a temporary counsel session. That will give you someone supportive to talk to. They will also have support hot-line's that you can call. Please take care of yourself girlie, and please don't beat yourself up over it. What's done is done and you can't change it. All you can do is focus on loving the two kids that are still here with you. In feeling lonely, alway's remember you have them. I hope this help's you in many way's. I will pray for you and your situation. Good luck, and stay strong!!!

Answer 4

now i havent had a young child die but i know what its like to have such a great loss.
my mom did im 19 she was 48. breast cancer.
that was 10 months ago and i still cant let go. when i need her she aint there, and just for that moment i feel like a 3 year old cring for her mom. its ok to still feel that way healing takes time and i have realized that myself.
now for your mother maybe it was because she was the care giver of that child while you were in that violent relationship, so she took charge and you where tring to get yourself together and pick up the pieces.
you have a right to feel overwhelmed with the fact that you feel that no one seems to be greiving for you cause thats your child but you got to remember, your mom was looking after her and you where else where, and though you wanted to bond with her you knew in your mind that it wasnt gonna last, so tryied and its ok
now you have a new partner and 2 childern should give you some closer, not just because of the past, but now you got a family and you feel secure now, and your still gonna cry coz that was your first child and you still lover her deeply

Answer 5

You sweet baby girl "IS" a wonderful present to YOU. You are so blessed to have met such a jewel. She knkows just who her mum is. Babies know that right away. And now she get's to be your present forever. When you think of her you will have a smile, and sometimes her spirit will come to you and you will smile. Feel happy to have been the one person in the whole wide universe to have had such a precious and beautiful gift. Can't buy that in the store and can't explain it cause some people won't get it. Take these days to spend time thinking about the joy and instant happiness that you felt when she was born JUST to say HELLO Mum to YOU. Smile girl you are not alone.
Be happy, have a private SMILE.

Answer 6

I understand your grief and hope no one has to go through what you have been. But you have a life now and get on with it. Time is the best healer and its been five years now. Ask yourself if you are keeping the hurt alive that you didnt do enough for your child while your mother cared. Anyway what's done cannot be undone. Care for your sons now and give them the best life.
If nothing works seek therapy to get pent up emotions out of you. You are only 24 and have a life ahead of you.

Answer 7

I am so sorry for your loss. It's more than anyone should ever have to handle.

It seems as though you did the best you could for your daughter. Letting someone else take care of her must have been a very difficult choice.

I wish I could say something to take your pain away. I am sure that wherever Charlie is, she knows she was loved and cared for by you.

Answer 8

I'm sorry. My daughter has medical problems. It hurts, but losing a child has to be hell on earth, sweetheart. You are not alone in your pain. Try to reach out to others who have experienced the same thing so you can heal and be whole for your living children. Not only do they deserve the best of you...but you deserve the best of you too. Your little girl would not want to see you living in pain your whole life. Live to the fullest for her, don't barely live because of her.

Answer 9

I am so sorry for you but stop stressing your self out you'll eventually get sick not only that be extremely lucky the the Lord blessed you with another child she's in a better place now pain and worry free you will see her again one day

Answer 10

Listen sweetie. You need to get to a doctor, preferably a psychiatrist (legit one) who can both give you grief therapy and write prescriptions for depression. If you cannot get to one or cannot afford one or don't know where to find one, try looking in your phone book listings for counselors, psychiatrists, general doctors and grief support groups-there should be plenty-I don't know where you live but it kind of sounds like the UK-but you need to hook up with one of the above immediately. You do not have to go through this alone, there are others who are in or have been in your situation and are willing to help. You have two other children that you need to be there for and who love and count on you. If you cannot find other help, please try to go to a church and ask them to refer you or counsel you-they usually do that or can help you in a number of ways. Please get help as soon as possible-do not think that you are the only one who is or has gone through this. I will say prayers for you that you get the help you need.

Answer 11

Sorry you lost your daughter and I'm sorry you're going through the heartache. How I see it is you're feeling guilt as much as pain on your loss.

You have two beautiful children with you - I think you need to focus on them.

You do need to go to your doctor though, because it sounds like you're going through that natal thing that women get after giving birth.