My husband left me for his ex-girlfriend of 25 years ago, we have been married for 21 years. He has cheated and lied to me the whole 21 years we've been together. Before he left he went back to the bank and put us more in debt with the house. He signed the house over to me on the deed and also left me with the house payments. I have had medical problems and have been on and off work for the last 2 years and I am currently not working but have this house payment and bills and he has not given me a dime to help out. My parents have been paying my payment and bills which has added more stress on me for having to ask them for so much help. My parents have also paid for a lawyer so how do I make sure the judge see's what kind of man he is? He has taken from his retirement to buy his new woman a van and supports her but he thinks since he signed over the house in my name he owes me nothing. Why did he go but us back in debt to remodel the house while he was cheating on me?
2006-12-20 20:49:22 · 16 answers · asked by lisalup 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
The key to wining in divorce court is being the party that the judge trusts and likes and thinks has been upfront with her. Once a party lies or appears to be trying to hide/change the truth the judge loses all respect for that person and will most likely not believe anything they say. That being said there are a few things you should do:
Document everything. Create a clear paper trail so that your attorney can see exactly where all the money has gone and exactly how much money you will need to survive. The easier you make it for your attorney, the easier for the attorney to communicate it to the judge.
You are probably entitled to one-half of his retirement account. If he has taken withdraws from that account during the divorce process to support himself or girlfriend - those should be taken out of his half only.
It sounds like you will get spousal support. You need to really prove with concrete numbers your expenses and the disabilities that keep you from working. You should have a long term plan to present to the judge as to how you will become self sufficient eventually. You really do need to reconcile yourself to not keeping your house. In most situations it simply is no longer feasible to keep a house after the divorce. It is too expensive. You will not get additional support simply because you don't want to sell the house.
Another way to "win" is to be reasonable. Yes, you are mad and hurt and it sounds like you have every right to feel that way. However if you try to fight on every little thing you start to loose credibility with the judge very quickly. Decide ahead of time with your attorney what are the major issue with you and what you are willing to compromise on to achieve those issues. Getting support for as long as possible should be a major goal. You should be willing to compromise the house in order to reach that goal.
Good luck.
2006-12-20 21:29:07 · answer #1 · answered by CV 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry that you are going through a tough time. In divorce there are no winners & sadly there never will be. Yes, your Husband behaved badly but I think you should concentrate all your energy into dealing with your health & your own affairs.
If he is plundering his pension funds maybe you might be able to claim a share of that but I wouldn't hold out much hope. He will struggle in later years when he has to fund his new lifestyle with his lady friend.
I know you could do without any more stress but do you think it may be better to sell your house & buy something smaller near to your Parents...This would ease you out of the never ending cycle of debt, maybe free up some capital & a fresh new start.
When my Husband did the same thing to me 20yrs ago...I cried buckets, I couldn't eat, sleep & lost my job...I felt as though my whole world had crumbled around me.......
Now...20 yrs on, I have a new home, new partner (he's brill) & a couple of GrandChildren...
Believe me when I say "There are no medals to be won for a broken heart"
Leave the misery & debt behind you move forward & make a new life for YOU, not him, YOU.
Take care & good luck
2006-12-20 21:04:37 · answer #2 · answered by skippy's mum 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi, If you can,get all the bank statements thet show his withdrawls , and a copy of your house payments (For the last 1-3 years) if you can. Try to get any reciets showing the payments thet your parents have pay'd for you! What you want to do is show the court thet your housbend not only left you for another person (Sorry !) But he also left you a house with a very large bill attatched to it!He try'ed to look like the nice guy by leaving you the house ,but what he really did was dump the bill on you! Sence he's the one thet moved out,and left you there,you need to fight for alamoney !He broke his agreement, why should you suffer for it ! File for "hardship money"! Dont let him get away with it!
2006-12-20 21:56:43 · answer #3 · answered by lkayj4 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This only may not be enough to win the court. I personally believe NO ONE wins in the divorce court.
2016-05-23 04:25:01 · answer #4 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You sound better off without him. Sell the house... move home or into a smaller apartment until you can regain your health and focus on your future.
You can whine or take action. Lawyers only take your money as did your ex.
I have been through 2 divorces and it does get better.
Damn, I sound like Dr Phil.
2006-12-20 20:55:08 · answer #5 · answered by peterfrady 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't worry too much, you're a woman. Divorce courts rule in favour of the wife about 99% of the time, and seeing as he cheated on you I doubt you'll have any problems with getting a settlement.
2006-12-20 21:10:00 · answer #6 · answered by DJ Rizla 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sorry to hear this. Marriages are rocky now days I guess. Winning in divorce court is all about a good attourny. You also have to show that it is your husband who ruined the marriage. Finally, show that you need financial support.
2006-12-20 20:53:04 · answer #7 · answered by DeadmanWalks 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
is the house been bought after the wedding? if so then even he signed it in your name he has the responsibility to give you equal share of expenses so for sure the court will see that, keep on praying too, hope you get the right justice.
2006-12-20 20:55:23 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If ur talking about court, then u definitely need proof. As for him divorcing u, he shld provide alimony for u and ur kids(if u have). And if u have proof, for him to leave all the debts...he shld be the one paying for them...cheating leads to him being guilty.
2006-12-20 20:54:02 · answer #9 · answered by DooGie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Make a paper trail and document everthing! reciepts copies of contracts keep a journal write everthing copy everthing. Even a reciept could come in handy.
2006-12-20 20:52:01 · answer #10 · answered by xx_muggles_xx 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋