Ok, there is a difficult and long story behind the reasons I dislike my entire family and wish to "do away" with all of them. I'm an exceptionally good kid that has only wished for peace in my family but at 21 years of age I've realized that either I'm forced to be a hypocrite the rest of my life or to live without family.
After divorce at the age of 5 I lived with my mother and my brother. Life wasn't great as you can imagine but the divorce and life in general was worsened by our mother and father's resentment and passionate hatred for each other. They used us kids as bait to hurt one another years after the divorce. Eventually my brother left and moved in with my father. I won't get into the nitty gritty details.
But I've acquired the art of hypocrisy from all this and have found ways to totally agree with them about the other parent when the conversations turns in that direction. I'm sick of it all and just want to "do away" with them but should I?
2006-12-20 20:38:55 · 25 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Although I am only 21, I made one mediocre decision and have my own place and the ability to free myself of them.
2006-12-20 20:49:34 · update #1
I live in a totally different part of the nation from where they live. One parent lives in Florida, the other in Oklahoma, and I live in New Mexico. I just want to know if it is moral, ethical, or justifiable even though they've always helped me when I've been in a rut and everything.
Even though they've always helped me with money and stuff they really screwed me over emotionally growing up.
2006-12-20 20:58:49 · update #2
never hate them
2006-12-20 20:40:36 · answer #1 · answered by oh its me 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I do not think disowning them is the answer. If you do this later in life you will hate yourself for it if not until they pass away but at some point. I think what you need to do now since you are grown, is to sit down with each of them at a different time of course and explaine to them what is going on in your head. Let each of them know that you love the other and that you do not want to discuss the oppisite parent with the other. Let them know that you love them both the same and see what happens then. You did say that they helped you when you were growing up when you needed things so you have to love them in your heart even though mental it was hard. In this day and age you need to think about that you are lucky you have two parents even though it is not the perfect relationships. You live far away from either of them so you can let them know how you feel and if it does not work you can then make your decision on what you want to do. But what ever you do you have to tell them how you feel first. That will haunt you for the rest of your life if you do not tell them. Good Luck and I hope it all works out for you. Hope you have a good holiday season after the talking is done.
2006-12-20 21:25:10 · answer #2 · answered by Virginia B 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I completely understand. First of all, know that your feels are OK because they are all about You. That alone make then valid. However when you agree with the present person, parent, you are ignoring your feelings which could add to the hurt. It's quite ok to let them know how your point when topics arise. If it would make you feel better, write both parents a letter letting them know that you love them and that the move was simply a step for you to try living on in a new place. But tell them in general that you don't want to be in the middle ever again. Their feud is precious and personal to them.
It's completely OK. Sometimes you make decisions for yourself that seem crazy at the time, but if you feel happy with the quiet then Rock on. I get asked questions like that all of the time from people your age. Perhaps I will hear from you soon with another chat.
2006-12-20 21:19:51 · answer #3 · answered by Babe 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to be more mature in your out look and to be more philosophical about your family's problems. Their problems should not be your problems. That doesn't mean you don't care, of course you do, just don't get involved in the petty arguments of he said she said sort of things.
No one can live without family. As humans we need company and if we have no blood relatives then our friends become our family. Hipocrisy is a negative out look on life and can rot a person to the core.
Don't be like the others. Try to call a truce with them all and if that doesn't work, then when the conversation starts to turn sour, either change the subject or leave.
2006-12-20 20:52:07 · answer #4 · answered by The Alchemist 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds normal and healthy to me.
I was in the same boat from the same age. Me and my brother had to compete for what was left, but didn't have to slate the other parent for it. Tough break.
21 is a good age to start being yourself. This normally involves putting new boundaries up and questioning older identities. Good luck with the quest. It does not have to be forever.
I'm not sure hypocrisy is a fair judgement.
2006-12-20 21:06:24 · answer #5 · answered by mince42 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you must seriously think about your future as an adult and hopefully a parent one day. Dont let this eat up inside you it is destroying you. think about moving out starting your own life. Dont take sides in any conversation. think of the long term effect this could have on you and your family if you have one do you want to live a life what you have to grow up in. No then be strong show your family you have got a normal life and you want to love the people you want to make a life with you dont want your children to live the life you have had too. Good luck act now .
2006-12-20 20:52:59 · answer #6 · answered by Ding Dong 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I guess this is always happen in a single parent family. I guess you have a lot of unpleasent experiences in your childhood age. It is never easy to live that far till today. It takes a lot of wisdom to handle life like that. Just that you need to consider if you move out from your mother, who is gonna take care of her ? She will be alone. If you still love her, this is something you have to think about it. Our life is just not only ours alone, we have brother, sister, parents, relatives and friends. To certain extend, we need to consider others too. Just wish you have enough courage and wisdom to tackle this problem in life. Good luck.
2006-12-20 20:58:22 · answer #7 · answered by Vince 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to survive and if that means leaving them behind to get a little peace of mind then do it. You need to live for yourself. If you ever get married and have kids do you want them around that? Probably not. You have the chance to start over so dont feel bad about it.
2006-12-20 20:43:34 · answer #8 · answered by Dovahkiin 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i dont think you should "do away with them" hunny but distance your self from them. You are 21 years old,old enough to manage by yourself and look after your self so you dont need them to rely on. Its hard when parents divorce and them playing games with you was'nt fair but you cant change that now. I think you should move on and if they ever ask you "why do we not see you as much any more?" there is your perfect oppurtunity to tell them how they messed with your emotions and hopefully make them realise they messed up?i hope you get it sorted..have a good xmas too.xxxxx
2006-12-20 20:51:20 · answer #9 · answered by Lola 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's definitely normal to want to seek your own space, especially at 21. Especially if you can support yourself. But in this day and age, lots of 20-somethings are still living with the parents to save up money to afford their own place. If that's what you're doing, then you gotta roll with the punches....
2006-12-20 20:43:21 · answer #10 · answered by i♥sf 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
so which you ve been a witness for a on the same time as. you're no longer on my own, it type of feels finding around that express issues look to have not got here approximately to maximum, as your self. i think the factor of pursuit with God is to entice nearer by precise awareness utilized, awareness. So enable s take a sparkling look. The Watch tower Bible and Tract Society is a criminal entity and could no longer be joined, you will desire to be appointed to it. it particularly is the corporate that serves Jehovah s Witnesses. Rutherford coined the call Jehovah s Witnesses to chop up the a hundred and forty four,000 heaven called Son s of God, from all different Christian persuasions, This has no longer replaced. It even regardless of the indisputable fact that has replace into lost to the final inhabitants who think of of themselves as JW s. They forget that the "great Crowd" is in association with the a hundred and forty four,000 who make up the Christian Congregation. Having dealt with many committees I assure you this contemporary actuality has no longer replaced.This contemporary actuality because it s called in the final inhabitants, has replace into lost. it particularly is been lost to the quantity which you will hear even some authors writing in the Watch Tower make the same mistake and make contact with themselves Jehovah s Witnesses. the actuality which you and that they are not certainly one of Jehovah s Witnesses has no longer replaced, definitely you have been in all risk in no way area of the corporate, nor certainly one of Jehovah s Witness s.
2016-12-15 05:26:43 · answer #11 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋