How can somebody be so cruel?

Question

I received a lot of good answer on my question. thank you.
but alot of advice i got sayed i should cry my baby to sleep if he wakes up wanting to eat, i can't image this.

Answer 1

Then you have a weak will. Go ahead, keep jumping to every whim of your child, and see who's running the house when he's 5. I can assure you it won't be you.

Answer 2

Your son may not be waking up to eat. He may be waking up because he wants your company or expects yoru company. I understand how you can be tired form this. I had similar issues with my son.

I understand how letting your child cry it out can seem cruel, but as mentioned in a response below it's not meant to be used on a child under 8 months.

Call me cruel if you want, but I used the cry it out with my son. We tried ABSOLUTELY everything we could first. But it came to the point where he was waking up and expecting company and he'd stay awake for hours at night, not doing anything, just laying there but would cry if you tried to leave. I work and I couldn't function after a while, so my husband and I tried it. We tried the go every 5, 10, 15 minutes but it just got him more wound up when we'd leave. But he just got more wound up, so we went cold turkey. It took 2 nights of crying (although I've read it might take a week or so, but I guess we got lucky). maybe an hour with some breaks in between and now he sleeps through the night like a champ.

At 9 months, sleep experts say, a baby is old enough to realize that you are not abandoning them when you don't respond to the wake ups in the evening. Anytime younger than 8 months, yes, they can think they are being abandoned.

A good book to read is, "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" there are many other suggesions in there, not just crying it out.

Answer 3

http://www.babywhisperer.com/babywhisperer.html

Please visit the above website. Tracy Hogg is an acclaimed baby expert and has a series of programs on a health channel and has written some very helpful books. I have found her advice extremely helpful.

Controlled crying is exactly that. It is controlled, and even though it may seem cruel, you are in control and must always be sure that your baby will not harm themselves. If practised correctly - and that does not mean shutting a screaming baby in a room for hours until it goes to sleep - it can be very effective. Please research this a bit more before ruling it out.

I hope you get a good night's sleep soon.

Answer 4

Babies get into a routine that is sometimes hard to break (waking up every few hours at night ect for food) but i found that if you stand your ground and not give in after a few nights they soon change habits and it benefits everyone,if the baby just wants to be fed try giving water instead of milk,i know its hard ans=d can seem cruel but as long as you are checking on the baby there is no harm in it,obviously if the baby is only a few months old then you have to give in .

Answer 5

I saw another question like this before, so my reply will be pretty much the same as it was for the other one. I honestly can't really tell what you're asking, as your question is a little incoherent. Forgive me if I've missed the point entirely.

My parents would let me cry without coming to soothe me when I was a baby. They put me on a schedule. Eat at this time, sleep at this time, poop at this time. When I would cry off-schedule, my cries would often go unanswered.

My mom told me that this is how they dealt with me when I was a baby. When I was younger, I used to think it was absolutely brilliant. My parents told me it made me tougher than the other kids, more independent, less likely to be a crybaby. And yeah, it seemed that way. And you know what? For my childhood years, everything was fine.

But, starting when I became a teenager, it became a real problem for me. Independent? Yep. Meaning that, whenever I had an actual emotional problem, I somehow couldn't bring myself to talk to anyone about it or reach out for help. I'd cry by myself, alone at night.

Because of my parents ignoring me when I was a baby, the following things have somehow become instilled in my mind:
-Nobody will ever be there for you when you need them. Everyone will let you down.
-If something is upsetting you, you must not show it. Keep it to yourself, do your crying alone, because nobody would help you anyway.

Them ignoring my cries didn't make me a stronger person...it just made it where I can't deal with my problems. I bottle up my emotions and put on a happy face because that's all I know how to do.

My life is very unhappy. Want your kids to turn out like me? Then go ahead and let them cry.

Answer 6

It's not cruel. By now you should know the difference between a cry stating "I'm hungry" and a cry stating "I want attention". All babies cry and as said normally a child of 9 months does not need a feed through the night. I am blessed my daughter has always slept well and did not need a night feed after 9 weeks. that said she does cry during the day, normally when she can't have something. She'll tell me she's hungry just after lunch so she can have chocolate. Controlled crying is not cruel most mothers do it. As long as you know your child is safe what's the harm in letting them vent their frustration for 5 minutes. I think you definately need to break the cycle. Just do it slowly. If your baby is having a feed at 3am surely there is no need for a feed at 5am. For now I'd stick to the 3am feed and cut the 5am feed! You just need to break the habit!!

Good luck and have a happy christmas with the little one!!

Answer 7

Use of the "cry-it-off" technique really depends on the age of the child and the reason why they wake-up or won't go to bed. It's not meant to be used with young babies (under 8 months of age) but older babies and toddlers that are avoiding sleep and manipulating their parents for no real reason. For instance, if your 11 month old is sick and needs some tylenol and wakes up in the middle of the night you care for them but if he/she just wants you to be there because they woke up that's different. It's meant to help children become more independent when it comes to going to sleep or going back to sleep if the wake in the middle of the night. It's not torture if it's used correctly.

We used it with our son when he was a year old because he wouldn't go to bed on his own and insisted on being rocked to sleep and would wake in the middle of the night and want to be rocked back to sleep. To continue to rock your one year old to sleep isn't going to end up well when they are 2 or 3.

It's a rough technique to master if you can't see the big picture. It only took 2 weeks with our son and every night the crying was shorter and shorter and now at 2 1/2 he just goes to bed on his own without any problems and sleeps through the night. It's a preference and will-power required technique and our pediatrician recommended it to us so we were a little more comfortable with it than having yahoo users suggest it.

Whatever works for you is what you should do but it does work for the right parents.

Answer 8

Sorry to hear that you are put off on some folks answers. Some people use the anonymity of the internet to be the rotten, rude, crude people they can't be to someone's face. That being said I personally had to let one of my son's cry to get him out of the habit of waking at night. It was only for a couple nights. It was hard to hear but remember a 9 month old isn't going to remember crying through the night a week later. Does the baby take a pacifier? Maybe if you just went in his room & popped in the pacifier he would get the sucking satisfaction without the meals. It might comfort him back to sleep. As he grows older he'll be able to find one left in his crib for just that purpose so that he can just grab it himself.

Answer 9

I was told to let my baby cry and he eventually got worse as the night wore on. In the end after a horrendous holiday with my baby in hospital we found out that he was asthmatic. So much for the doctors saying let him cry. Do what suits you and your baby there are no hard and fast rules. My son is now 4 years old and occasionally I have to go to him during the night but he is a happy and healthy boy and that is the main thing. He isn't spoilt in the slightest either.

Answer 10

It is really sad isn't it? A baby that is waking up to eat is not crying without a reason. It is SO sad but so many people don't have parenting skills and don't educate themselves on child development. It breaks my heart because it makes you wonder what else the child has to deal with growing up if a parent can disregard their cries of hunger.

I have a really close friend who just had a baby. I am having a hard time continuing the friendship because her parenting really bothers me deeply. She put a little TV in the crib! I find it seriously disturbing. She and her husband just seem to have a lack of common sense and after I bought her parenting books when she was pregnant. And they are very well off financially so it's not an ignorance or poor problem. I would just like to take her home with me! I try to babysit as much as possible because this child needs interaction and attention. But I wish they would grow up, they both have college degrees. It's makes you wonder how many children are being neglected!

Answer 11

I have two children and the first one was an angel at night, slept though from 2 months old. I breast fed on demand until she was 16 months old, Sheis now 7 and a happy, friendly little girl with aboveaverage intelligence. I was told by many older people to leave her to cry but I never did.
My little boy who is now 4 cried and cried for the first four months of his life, he was always being held by me or his dad, I breast fed him on demand which was almost all the time as he vomited up his milk alot. He still has not slept though a whole night yet and although most nights he will start the night in his own bed he always comes and sleeps with us. (it turned out my little boy has medical problems that no one diagnosed for 3 years!)
I am not a matyr to my children but want them to feel secure, safe loved and listned to ( i feel I wasn't as a child) and Ii can't see why anyone would have children just to treat them as accesories that can be programmed to fit in with our lives, Children are a precious gift and should be treated and cherished as such, leaving them to cry just to fit in with what we want is wrong and heartless, follow your maternal instinct, If everyone did then we would have a lot less social, mental and health problems in the next generation.
Follow your heart and donot bow to social pressure.